The Stress & Pressure reached some sort of a climax

Okay so I've been waiting to write in here again for hopefully some good news for a change, but there's not been a LOT of that, but there is definitely new things that have happened.
The stress Tyler and I BOTH carry is so huge right now. Sophie has been very difficult to deal with and we're not sure if it's a phase or if it's more serious than that. She's been seeing a Child Psychologist and that's great. She's so good with Sophie and she gets to play the entire time. It's cute.
Still no job for Tyler. He's been applying for jobs EVERY SINGLE DAY and I've been looking for him and so have other people. I've been applying for jobs, too.
I did get a part-time job working for Women in Business Magazine selling advertising space. I've had NO luck with that whatsoever!! I've spent hours calling people and emailing people with nothing coming from it. My boss has encouraged me to go door-to-door but I just haven't been able to do that in this last week at all!
Well, y'all know that I have lots of health issues. Not one of them are made up or exaggerated as I KNOW that some people think they are. I don't lie about my health. I'm just not used to being unhealthy and fat. Think about that for a second, k? I grew up very healthy, energetic, super skinny and athletic and never took a break from all my activities. I was a go-getter and worked my butt off. Being sick, having surgery, being hurt, NOTHING slowed me down. Of course I'd bounce right back from that stuff cuz I was in such good and healthy shape.
Then I got pregnant with Sophie and that all came crashing down.
Having Gall Bladder Disease is different than gall stones or slush/mud or whatever in the gall bladder. It's a disease, not something brought on by poor eating habits or being overweight. I was underweight. Anyway, I had that while pregnant with Sophie. It made me very ill. I lost lots of weight. So I HAD to have it out during my pregnancy. After getting it out I developed a serious form of Acid Reflux Disease. Not just little bitty heart burn. Acid Reflux feels SO MUCH WORSE than heart burn!! Trust me, I know cuz I have both and always had heart burn.
Then my thyroid went south. Try going along life with a malfunctioning thyroid all of a sudden. It's a shock!!! It's still up and down like a yo-yo and it's very taxing. I'm losing all my hair and that's the least of the problems it's caused.
My health problems have been coming steadily since I carried Sophie. A broken hand, thumb, foot. Mono twice. Pneumonia. Daily migraines. Sleep Apnea. Now Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome and my endometriosis is worse. You realize that endo. is messed up, right? It can cement your insides to each other and can be excruciatingly painful and debilitating. PCOS causes all sorts of problems!!! Anyway, the list is HUGE. Sure I don't have Diabetes or Cancer or Multiple Sclerosis, but you know what? I'd rather have ONE health problem like that than multiple ones like mine that hit me all at once!!!!
Plus the weight gain. Wow. Try gaining like 50 lbs in 3 years, people, on a small frame. It's very taxing and painful! It puts so much pressure and strain on your body. It's different than always having been heavy, ya know? My body is not used to this!!!
Sorry I complain so much. Just try to see where I'm coming from!!! All of this IN 3-4 YEARS!!!! It's VERY SUDDEN and a LOT to handle!!!
To top it off Tyler lost his job, I can't make hardly a penny to help out, we lost our car, we almost got evicted, we've been sued............ okay I can go on but you all have heard all that before. It's just been a lot!
I know those who haven't been through what we're going through can judge and say we brought it on ourselves or that we're doing something wrong.
NOT. Sorry to let you down, but it's nothing stupid we've done. I promise.
I prayed about all of these things we've been going through and Heavenly Father told me as plain as day that Tyler and I are BOTH REQUIRED to go through it. There's NO OTHER WAY. So that helps me to know that.

Okay, so all of this has been giving both Tyler and I major chest pains and headaches and migraines.
Tyler's chest pains were bad when he was in his EMT class so the paramedics said, "no screwing around where chest pain is" and sent him via ambulance to the Emergency Room!
So I get this phone call from a fairly calm Tyler saying they think he might be having a heart attack or something else and to come to him. He wanted me there. He didn't say to call anyone else. All I could think of was MY ETERNAL COMPANION WAS IN THE ER POSSIBLY DYING!!!!!!!! I'm NOT going to be thinking of anyone else except maybe mine and his parents.
Really sucky thing was his parents were in Idaho celebrating Joe's (Tyler's little brother) graduation from PA school. Which was totally narly!!!! But they couldn't be here!!
Anyway, I had NO way of getting to Tyler so I called my dad first to tell him and ask for a ride. Dad said to call Daniel cuz he was here in town near me so I called Daniel to get a ride. Then I called Tyler's dad. While Tyler and my dad were talking to me I was already on Facebook and so I felt impressed to write my status letting my friends and family know that way. There was NO WAY I was going to call his siblings or mine or our friends about this cuz I'm Tyler's number 1 and he's my number 1 and my first priority was to get myself to my husband's side. Well, I knew that our dads would let our siblings know, cuz that's just how that works out right?
Anyway, it took FOREVER for my bro to get to me!!!! I waited 45 minutes. I was such a wreck!!!!! I finally got to my husband's side and when he saw me he just teared up and I held him and we cried.
It was so scary and really shook us both up so much!!!!!
I was so glad that my parents and sister and two of tyler's siblings could get there to be with him while he waited for me.
Anyway, that was so taxing on me.
I mean I could've lost my husband of almost 7 years and my Eternal Companion and father of my children and my best friend!!!!!!! I was so upset!!!
Okay, so that happened.
Then just like two or three days later a very inconsiderate and VERY MISINFORMED AND GOSSIPED TO person told me basically that it was my fault that Tyler had those chest pains and told me to make sure it would never happen again.
OH MY GOSH I ABOUT DIED!!!!!!! I was SO SHOCKED and hurt and taken aback and disgusted. Wow. HOW COULD SOMEBODY SAY THAT TO SOMEONE??????????
I can only assume this person was greatly misinformed about how things run at my house AND it was NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!
They wouldn't even tell me what they were talking about... no details, no explanation, nothing. I'm still left guessing what they were getting at. I'm still bothered by it, and I shouldn't be! I should just forget it and let it go!!!
Well, with that weighing me down then having problems with me sharing about MY husband to my own family and friends (a couple people didn't like me talking about MY husband and publicly humiliated me) and then my husband being pressured by people....... WOW. It was way too much.
I hit my breaking point.
I really did.
Tyler is doing okay now. He still has some chest pain but it's not heart attack. He's undiagnosed for now. When we get insurance BOTH Tyler and I will be seeing my dad's cardiologist who is just EXCELLENT. Gary Symkoviak I think in SLC. Anyway, it's really expensive, but I've been told by my reg doc and other docs I see to get my heart checked ASAP. I just haven't because it costs so much!!! So we'll just have to wait.
Anyway, all of this was just too much. TOO MUCH!!!!
I haven't had a break or vacation in such a very long time. There hasn't been a break of breathing room or good news in such a long time for us that it's just been too much. Then on top of that I have all these people from a specific group that really despise me and blame me for everything and have no compassion, empathy, understanding, love, charity or anything for me and they just constantly go up and down with me and when it's down they really beat me!!!! It's more than anyone can take.
I'D HAD IT.
I hurried upstairs on Monday afternoon to cry where Tyler and the girls wouldn't hear me. But I'd also started having an asthma attack. I'm not sure if it was from allergies or from the stress/anxiety, but I have a feeling it was the latter.
The asthma made it very difficult to breath and so I hid my face in my bed to sob. I couldn't help it. I was more upset than I realized and I sobbed very hard and loudly so I tried to keep myself quiet. I don't cry very often. I feel pathetic when I do.
So while I was sobbing and trying to breath I kept coughing and coughing anc crying harder and harder. I got more and more upset. I'm sure the adversary was playing with me. Using others as tools to pull me down and using my own insecurities to make it all worse.
I started to hyperventilate. I couldn't stop!! It got worse and worse. I remember thinking "i can't breath! I can't get air in!" and I couldn't stop!! I tried but could not. I kept coughing and sobbing and gasping for air and felt trapped. I couldn't even move. I was seeing stars and black around my eyes and soooo weak and cold. I remember Sophie coming in and saying, as if I'd called for her, "What mommy?" I know that Heavenly Father sent her in to me to save me. She went and got daddy cuz suddenly Tyler had put me on my side. He was talking to me but I don't know what he was saying. I remember he asked me if I wanted him to call the paramedics and I shook my head NO! I did NOT want that attention or embarrassment!!! Esp after Tyler had already been hauled in the ambulance just a few days before!!
I remember Tyler helping me stand and walk. I couldn't hardly even move my own feet! It was so weird and hard! I felt weak, heavy, uncoordinated, and confused. He managed to get me to the ER and I guess a neighbor lady took the girls.
At the ER I remember a lady saying my name and looking me right in my face and forcing my eyes open. There was a mask on my face and it made it harder to breath and it was so hard! I couldn't even move my hands to take the mask off! I wanted it OFF my face! I was so cold and I remember the room was really bright. Then she was telling me to hold my breath. It was so hard!!! I would try but would cough instead. But I guess it did help. After what seemed like an Eternity my gasps of air weren't so strong and hard and I was soooooooooo tired!!!! I felt like I'd just run a marathon! And YES I know what it's like to run a very long distance, people. Remember I used to be in top notch shape and used to run very fast in very long distances.
Then I think I fell asleep. Then I remember seeing Tyler and I was okay. I could suddenly breath. I was just soo exhausted. Then the pain came.
It started in my neck, head and back. And then my legs, arms, then finally my chest then my lungs. WOW it hurt!! I was so sore I felt like I'd been beat up. I also realize at that time that I was soaking wet with sweat!! Yuck!
All I could do was apologize to Tyler over and over again. I felt like such a fool.
Tyler later told me that at home my respirations were at 84 a minute which is like what a newborn breaths. And my pulse was at 104. My heart was super racing. I couldn't even feel my heart during all of this so that surprised me.
Just try to breath in and out as fast as you possibly can and hard and that's what it was like. Then do that for AN HOUR STRAIGHT.
My blood pressure was 143/84 or something like that. VERY HIGH for me. I'm normally 115/72 or less. Over time these dropped, of course.
If I hadn't gotten control with the mask and trying to control it myself they would've intubated me and knocked me out to save my life.
Tyler said I was hanging by a thread pretty much. It was very serious.

So yeah, there you go. I had an adventure.
That let me know that I've reached my limit. Or hopefully I have or hopefully I haven't. I know that the Lord doesn't put us through more than we can handle, so I am just praying that things will start to work out for us now.

Now, one bit of possible really good news that we just got tonight!!
Tyler got a letter back from the University of Utah Cardiology Department saying that his resume and application have been submitted to the hiring department!!!!!!!!!!!!! So he is so close to getting the job!!!!! Of course they let him know that this can take weeks, but that's okay because our contract is up Oct 1 and if it all works out just right we could move up to SLC at that time if Tyler gets this job. WOW it would be sooooo wonderful!
This job is an on-call job but full time. Pretty narly, eh? He'd be an EKG Technician. (heart monitoring stuff).

You know what? I'm really soooo proud of my Tyler!!! I KNEW he had it in him!! And you know what also? If I'd gone to work full time and gone to school I don't know if he would've realized his strength and potential. We BOTH followed the spirit when it came to making these decisions. You know that in each family and marriage that choices they make are between the two and with God, not anybody else, and these are the decisions we made based on following the Spirit. It's been hard, but it's been worth it so far.
I am proud of both of us for remaining faithful in the Gospel of Jesus Christ throughout all of this. Our faith has been greatly tried and we've been tempted and toyed with and ridiculed, rejected, backstabbed, hurt, attacked, and so on and so forth enough that I think it could've caused anybody to lose their faith and fall away. But our testimonies remain firm, we continue in faith, and that brings peace and happiness into our home. That brings strength to ride these currents that we could not have gained in any other way. I know this with all my heart!!

So there's our latest update as of now.
If any of you don't like what I write, too bad, cuz this is about MY PERSONAL EMMEDIATE FAMILY! lol
And I feel impressed to share our story, as personal as some of you may find it, I'm going to continue to follow impressions I receive, even if it includes posting updates on Facebook and Twitter, etc. lol

Anyway, I am so grateful for marrying Tyler. He's grown by leaps and bounds and has turned into such a strong and good man!!! He truly is my "knight in shining armour"!!! I try my best at supporting him in everything as he does for me. I let him pretty much do whatever he wants because I know he'll always make the righteous and smart choice. He's such a good man and has come through so much. I am so grateful for the Gospel and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. The people are NOT PERFECT!!!!! But the church is, period. I know that the commandments and "rules" God gives us is for our good and if we follow them faithfully we'll be happy and feel fulfilled and satisfied. If we keep our faith and endure we are blessed and Christ literally helps carry our burdons so that they don't feel as heavy as they really are. I know that Christ is living and that he loves me and that he KNOWS my heart and what I'm going through. I know he's here for me. And I love how I was brought up in the truthfulness and shown the correct way to go. I am so happy for such righteous parents that follow the commandments and have NEVER fallen away. They are so amazing to me in that way. And I know we all owe it to their parents for raising them so well, and so on and so forth. I hope to do the same for my dear daughters that God has entrusted us with to teach the truth and show the way to.
Anyway, I know these things in my heart. And I know anybody can if they want to and if they seek for it.
Good night y'all. Have a good one, and if you feel so inclined, pray that Tyler gets this EKG Tech job at the U of U. It'd be such a relief!!!!!!!