ANOTHER Baby Frambo coming?! Why yes, yes there is!

So,
Several more years have passed once again since my last post to this blog! Tyler has since been medically retired from the army and we've moved back to Utah, two this I wasn't entirely thrilled about. At least tyler's happier about this.
Right now he's in between jobs, we just moved from a dark basement appt in this amazing church Ward to a duplex that's within the borders of this still same amazing church Ward.
My health is ever always in question, but at least there haven't been any new recently diagnosed issues, hospitalizations or surgeries! At least for me anyway.
Lacie's been through a lot in the last few years, though.
She had an emergency appendectomy in January 2013 or 2014, then she had both femur get some seriously major surgery work done on them by Dr Aoki up at Primary Children's Medical Center. She also just started 7th grade in Jr High today! She's growing up sooo quickly!!
Sophie is in 4th grade at a great charter school, and Liam is in an excellent Early Intervention preschool close by as well. They're all doing pretty good.
So, around the same time that we're moving I find out that I'm expecting baby #4!!!! I seriously cannot believe this!!
I'm scared out of my freaking mind for my health, body and life, and that for the baby's, but I'm also excited to be able to have another baby!
I'm praying pretty hard, though, that things go well and normally this go around! 😥
I need all the prayers that I can get!
Anyway, finances are not good at all, Tyler keeps losing jobs, and we're now in marital counseling. Needless to say that a lot of very bad advice dished out has cost us a lot of pain and unnecessary difficulties. It's very hard to stay married these days when the world, and most people, encourage divorce when there are health problems, etc. It's been heart breaking for me to realize the shallowness of many, and that a person's worth is based solely and entirely on what they can physically do, and nothing more. I'm pretty sure that most who are like this don't even realize they are this way. After all, it's easy to judge and point fingers, complain and dwell on the negative for most people.
Okay, enough about that.
I'm feeling scared and alone, worried and stressed out these days and hope is slowly draining away for me these days.
I pray I can hang on longer and tighter and that something gives! We need the blessings!

Life Won't Stop :)

So Lacie has her first loose tooth!! One of her little bottom teeth is very loose and the adult tooth is already coming out behind it. Yikes! You can also see the second adult tooth trying to push out next to it, and BOY are they crooked! Poor girl! Her baby teeth are PERFECT. They're pearly white, perfectly straight, and healthy! Now her new adult teeth are sure to be all crooked. But what can you expect with both parents having crooked teeth? haha.
She's in First Grade now and I cannot believe it! It's like it never quite sinks in how old my Lacie is getting. She's in school all day long now and I sure do miss her. But it's also nice cuz it gives me a little break to get a little more done during the day. 
I was going to sign Sophie up for preschool but I just couldn't swallow paying so much money just to send her away and have someone else do for her what I should be doing, ya know? Maybe when she's Lacie's age she'll go to school, but for now she's happy being home with mommy and grandma.
I did sign the girls up for their very first dance class!!!! I'm SO excited! I've wanted to do this since I first found out I was having a girl. Seriously! This class teaches mostly Jazz but also a little Tumbling and Ballet and also Voice! I'm THRILLED. I've been looking for singing lessons/classes for my girls everywhere! They only go once a week, but that's plenty for now :). Next I need to figure out swimming lessons lol.


We've been LOVING having Skype!! Holy cow it's such a wonderful blessing having such advanced technology! If it wasn't for Skype we'd never get to talk and I don't even have an address to write to him so we'd have NO communication at all going on right now. So I'm SUPER grateful for Skype right now! 
Of course Tyler's hours are 15 ahead of us, so trying to find a convenient time to talk to him is very, very difficult! He's asleep when I'm up and we're sleeping when he's up, or he's gone in his boring briefings for Inprocessing required by the Army during the day. *sigh*. And life goes on, right? 


Once again our effort at trying to get pregnant has failed. I guess the Lord doesn't want to send more of His children down yet. It's not the right time, or place, either. But who knows, maybe there's a child waiting for adoption somewhere eh? That would be cool!


The paperwork and extra work I have to do now is just piling up and it's an enormous amount. It's so huge that it's intimidating me so it's been a little difficult to completely delve into it. My brain just can't concentrate like it used to and right now I've been mostly thinking about us going to Korea to join Tyler there. It's kinda consumed me, but I gotta just relax and completely trust in the Lord, ya know? Yeah, there might be evil men that do things to keep us from going over there, that's their choice and God can't force anybody, but for now I KNOW it's right for us to join him, it's just a matter of being patient and having faith and hope, and pulling the right strings. 
Tyler's really anxious to get with his Unit and meet his Sponsor. I really hope things go smoothly for him there. So far they have, so that's a good sign. He was SO stressed about it all working out but now it seems to be so he can relax a little. 


So life won't stop moving along even though things aren't exactly where we want them, and our kids keep growing up even though we don't want them to, not yet anyway. I wish I had more time with them while they're little. Before we know it they're grown and I wonder if we've taught them well enough, after all, it's a HUGE responsibility to teach our children the way they should go and how they should believe and hopefully they'll choose the right thanks to our teachings and examples. I do worry about this enough to remember to teach my children the Gospel and read the Scriptures to them and pray with them daily and take them to Church and sing Primary songs with them and more. 
Okay enough rambling. This is longer than I meant it to be. As usual. :)

Life Is No Party

I know that there are some of you that simply do not understand sharing feelings online. Here's why I do it. 1. I feel it has the potential to reach others out there who need it; it will help them 2. it helps me feel better 3. it's good for others to hear what others are feeling and going through so that they know that nobody is a robot and we all have feelings and deserve compassion and empathy. So if you do not like reading about my "feelings" then just stop and please, no more condescending, "well-meaning", critical and judgmental emails and comments to me. Just bug off if you don't like it. 

Okay now that I got that out I can go on :)

Our trip home from Virginia was not without a few bumps and adventures on the way. It took us 4 days to get home. That's what happens when you have Buddy Passes. They're so unreliable. But on top of those nasty things, the Army messed up with Tyler's paperwork so made us stay a day over. Civvies who do the paperwork don't ever go above and beyond nor do they act like they care that they're messing around with people's LIVES and families here. So it cost us SO much money. We had to change flights, add hotels and car rental days, food, gas, etc. It was horrible on our wallet and our psyches, but it was good, so good, to be together for those days. I just feel bad that it robbed our children of those days with their father. But I suppose everything happens for a reason. 
We had many wonderful people step up and offer to help us find a way home. It was a miracle how things worked out. My mom got busy notifying her many email groups of our situation and many, many people jumped to our aid!! We're eternally grateful to these people who helped! Tyler's sister helped fly us home, too, when our Buddy Passes didn't work. 
We went from Virginia to Boston, Boston to Las Vegas, Las Vegas to Salt Lake City. We stayed in Boston for a whole day and night and WOW it was an amazing place! We were right down-town historical Boston. We stayed at the oldest running hotel in the country and it was surreal for us. Cost us a pretty penny, though, but we had no other choice unless we wanted to sleep on the dirty streets and possibly get mugged lol. We also got to stay the night in Vegas at a member's home. They fed us and took such good care of us! Like a 5-star hotel!! They wanted to pay our way home but Tyler's sister beat them to it. They were such a wonderful couple!

Since we've been home, we've been able to do a lot of things together as a family. We've seen some movies, gone to Trafalga for bumper cars, carnival rides, XD theatre, arcade games, and more. It was a blast! We also got to go to Utah's Hogle Zoo. That was so fun! The girls had so much fun there! And best of all we've been to the Temple several times to help do one of my best friend's family Temple work. It was AMAZING and truly the work of God.
Besides having to deal with unecessary and exaggerated drama, things were really, really good! And it went by too fast. Of course. 

Tyler leaves today for South Korea. We are not happy. We are dreading the likelihood that our family will be split apart for TWO YEARS!!!!!!
There are many who are trying to stay positive for us, which we appreciate, but I think we deserve to cry about it, too. It's all very hard and discouraging. It's almost too much to bear.
Tonight so far we've been crying. There's no party going on over here! Just heartache, despair, sorrow, fear, hope, sadness, anger, confusion, humbleness, prayers, and more.
The girls beg Tyler to stay home.
I cannot believe he's leaving already, and for so very long!

You know, it's one thing to have a family member or close friend go away for a while, but when it's YOUR SPOUSE it's waaaaay different. We're used to sleeping in bed next to each other, our intimacy, being best friends, doing everything together, and experiencing everything in life together. Now being forced apart is torturous.
People say "I could never do that". well, neither can we. But we don't have a choice so we deal with it. Other people say "I know how you feel. My husband has gone on business trips for x amount of time" You can know a tiny bit, but really not as much. Being gone for weeks at a time vs months at a time..... um, big difference. Much harder. My mom can't even bear to think about what it'd feel like to have my dad gone for 6 months to 2 years. It's just too much, ya know?

What gets me even more upset than anything is knowing there are people out there that do not apreciate or support our soldiers and families. It makes me SICK. How ungrateful and selfish and self-centered are these people!! Do you even realize the HUGE SACRIFICE our family is going through and other families like ours? Do you understand? Do you care? Are you capable of having feeling for someone else's situation besides your own? 
Right now we both feel like there are some that are only thinking of how this is affecting them and not us. He feels slightly smothered. But meh, what can ya do, right?

So Tyler leaves today. He flies to VA, then from VA to Detroit, then Detroit to we think Tokyo for a gas-stop, then to Seoul Korea where he'll get a bus ticket for a 4 hour ride to Camp Carroll for inprocessing. We have no idea where he'll go after that and we have no idea if we'll get to come over later to join him or not.
You know, him doing this is better than serving a mission. 1. he's safer 2. he can use skype 3. he can use phones whenever not just twice a year 4. he can come home to visit 1-2 a year 5. he's getting paid for it. It's not worse than a mission as some seem to think lol.

Anyway, this time Tyler leaving is a lot harder than the first time. It's WAY harder. And it's making us both sick. I feel bad for both my girls and for us. Our situation isn't one that anybody can be jealous of, that's for sure, BUT, our marriage is soooo strong and our family so tight! The Lord has greatly blessed us and kept us and he's blessed our family with His Spirit and I KNOW that because of our obedience to Him that we've been blessed. It's almost as if God has been carrying us through all of this.

Honestly, we are not your average military family. It seems as if other military families handle this just fine and don't mind being apart so much. But with us it's pure torture and we hate every minute of it, BUT, we know it's right, we know it's what the Lord wants of us, of Tyler. So, we "go and do as the Lord doth command" (1 Nephi 3:7). 

Please, if you will, pray that we'll be able to join Tyler in Korea soon! And pray that we're all kept safe and strong!
Thank you for all your support!

And thank you mom and dad for all the sacrifices you have made for us! For the money you've given us, the home to live in, the food, the spirituality we've needed, the support, and more. You haven't been intrusive or manipulative, you haven't been worrying about your feelings above ours, and you've been a huge blessing to us, being an answer to many prayers! I know Heavenly Father has blessed you for it and will continue to do so. 
And thank you to our best friends who have stood by our side through it all! Through the ups and downs, and for your support and encouragement, for your listening ear and more. 
And thanks to all other family and friends who have been here for us, supported us, blessed us, prayed for us, helped us, encouraged us, loved us both, accepted us both. You support me, you support Tyler and if you support Tyler you support me. We are ONE. :)

okay, now I better get off so I can supposedly and maybe get some sleep.

SOUTH KOREA???? ............ :/

I know I haven't written for a little bit so I just felt I ought to anyway. I've been waiting for some really good news to write about but things are on hold and I don't for how much longer they will be.


The process to get my family ready for Korea has been an INSANE one! It's been very difficult!
If it wasn't for the surprise move to my mother's house then things wouldn't have been so hectic, stressful, and difficult.


The girls and I had FOURTEEN doctor visits in ONE WEEK. Let's see all of you do that, eh? hahaha. Okay I know many do this on a regular basis, but we're not used to it. Plus they weren't all in one place but all over Utah and Salt Lake counties. It was so crazy! There was tonz of paperwork. We had to fill out 3 forms plus a stack of more medical paperwork, plus get all our legal paperwork together, and I had to get signatures from all my doctors and notes, plus the dentist for all three of us. 
I had a very tight deadline to get all of this done. Luckily all my doctors and the new dentist understood and put us top priority, and even then we still had a lot of hurrying-up and waiting to do (the Military's Motto: Hurry up and wait). 


Meantime Tyler was doing his own running around at Fort Lee VA. He had appointments left and right, paperwork to fill out, and he had to completely rely on me to get my stuff done by a certain deadline and I had to rely on him for the same. Talk about a time-crunch!


During all of this we were moving the SAME TIME!!! Because I was not anticipating a move so soon nothing was packed or cleaned or ready to go, so I had a huge job to do. Thank Heavens I was blessed with a few angels who came and helped! Nancy Bentley and her daughter and sons, my relief society president Sis Nielson, my sweet sister Andrea Pearson, my sister-in-law Alicia Pearson, my best friend Kristen Lanier, another good friend Mollee Suafo'a, and my other sister-in-law Andrea K. Pearson, my mother Betty Pearson, (these last two watched my girls for hours!!!!), and my home-teachers, most of the Elder's Quorum, and other friends and family here and there. It was a huge blessing to receive all this help! If it wasn't for these people, and others, I would NOT have made it!!! Simply put. It would've been impossible. Of course I was still left with A LOT to do and it was overwhelming. 
After the move I got sick and exhausted. I knew I would. I usually do after such stressful and difficult things that grind me to the bone. 


On top of all of this Tyler got his orders to S. Korea. This has me TERRIFIED. Not because of any danger, because Korea is THE PLACE TO GO right now for families and soldiers alike (it's a HUGE blessing he got this!!!), but because being apart from Tyler has nearly been crippling for me. A few have called me weak. Well, that's their short-sightedness I think, and their "fault" for thinking that way. Tyler and I have a very good and close relationship. We have a different relationship. And being apart is NOT easy on either of us. NOT because of weakness, but because we are best friends with each other and we enjoy each other's company and we equally carry the yoke of our marriage and children and responsibilities. We build each other up and carry the other one if we're having a hard time. 
The part that's the absolute most torturous for both of us is having the girls away from their father. They are DADDY'S GIRLS. He is VERY VERY good with children. Children naturally love him, trust him, and surround him. That's one that that attracted me to him from the beginning. He is my girls' life-line. It's not because he's done everything for them, but because he's done as much for them as I have. From what I've seen most fathers don't do this, unfortunately. Either because they cannot, or because they choose not. The latter is a very, very sad thing. Tyler chose to be close to his girls. 


Anyway, right now we're WAITING and WAITING and WAITING and WAITING to hear if we get to accompany him to Korea!!! We've both been earnestly praying and fasting for this. It's a righteous desire, and very possible. So far we've had so many miracles along the way and we're praying for another miracle. We are really hoping all our family and friends will pray for this, too. Tyler will be a much happier and productive soldier, and safer, if his family is with him in a very family-friendly and safe place.


So right now I'm excited and also very hesitant about the Korea idea. If we get the YES I will be ECSTATIC and then I'll start the grieving process for leaving my friends and family behind for YEARS, but until then I'm walking around in this very frail bubble (as my family is coming to experience and realize this first-hand, sorry guys) until we can know what the final decision will be. 


If anybody has any free time at all and a willing hand, PLEASE come visit me and my girls!! Please pray for us! Please help if you can/will! Don't be shy or hesitant. Trust me, GOD WILL BLESS YOU IF YOU DO, I know this!!! 


Anyway, thanks to everyone who has been so helpful to us already! Even if you might not like me very much, if you're helping me you're helping our CHILDREN and TYLER and GOD. 


And please, if you feel like being calloused toward me then pray for understanding and compassion and charity. And pray for our family to stay together!!
And thank you for reading this entire novel! hahaha!!


If you are in Korea or moving there or have lived there please write me! I want to know everything possible about that place, AND, if there's anything else I/we can do to ensure us traveling WITH Tyler to Korea and living there with him!!


Thank you all!!! 

Tyler at Advanced Individual Training (AIT) AND MIRACLES!!

Tyler is having an interesting time at AIT right now. Very interesting. Actually, he put it this way: "It SUCKS. I hate it! I want to come home!" Of course it's only his first week and the first week at BCT he hated it there, too, but in the end loved it and thanked his Drill Sergeants. 
He had amazing training at Ft Knox. One of the best Basic Training places you can go to in the U.S. Army. Discipline and honor, exactness and integrity, and much more, are instilled in the soldiers at Fort Knox during BCT (Basic Combat Training). 
Tyler learned how to be a REAL soldier there. He's really seeing a difference between the soldiers who were trained elsewhere compared to his battle buddies trained at Ft Knox, and honestly it's really frustrating him. He takes what he does very seriously, as I believe he should, and he feels that many other soldiers do not. Just like in the "real" world, there are soldiers that just refuse to practice self-control and discipline, respect and honor, integrity and responsibility. When one person falls out or goes AWOL or disrespects the rules or their command, they not only get themselves into serious trouble, but their Platoon, and sometimes even their entire Unit or Company.
The other night one of the Sergeants supposedly went into all of the barracks while the soldiers slept and if ANY electronics were left out or their lockers left unlocked these electronics found were taken. So far everything has been returned BUT the cell phones. 
So, Tyler is TICKED. His cell phone was taken.
He was placed in the old barracks after they were told they'd be staying in the new barracks. The thing that sucks about the old ones are not only are the roaches really big, bad and ugly, but they have no internet. Tyler's laptop sits mostly unused because of this. And now that his cell phone is gone, too, almost no communication is possible. He's lucky to have made a few good friends at BCT that are with him at AIT that let him use their phone for a few minutes at night to update me or vent to me. I love talking to Tyler, even when he's frustrated :D. 
He has asked for prayers to help him get through this, though. He's feeling frustrated and wishing he wasn't there right now. He's wishing he'd chosen Infantry instead of Cooking, and honestly I don't blame him at all. He'd be great at it. But of course he's great at cooking, too!


Today he got to cook! :D He made a Chef's salad and potatoe salad and learned how to make a rose out of tomatoes, I believe. He's an amazing artist so I'm sure his food designs will look awesome! I'm so proud of him! He's just so rad!
He wears a chef's hat, the big, tall white ones, and a chef's coat. I wish I could see him!!!


Now about the miracles!!


I already mentioned the miracle of being able to drive Tyler to AIT, but I must also mention that a very good friend of mine is helping me get to see Tyler over the 4th of July weekend. I can barely contain myself for the excitement from spilling over!!! :D (not sure if that sentence made sense, it's midnight and I'm on pain killers lol). Anyway, another miracle is how quickly I was able to find help from family and friend to take my girlies while I will be away. Thank you SO MUCH Michelle and Mom & Dad Frampton!!! You guys are the BOMB!! :D hahaha. They pulled through right away and I'm just so grateful because both of these people are going through some very hard trials right now and are greatly sacrificing for Tyler and I so that we can be together.
Heavenly Father knows Tyler and I NEED this time together. He's helped every piece fall into place for this to happen. 


Also, last night, my mom, dad and I walked to their church so that I could get a Father's Blessing from my dad and some people, who I won't mention here, were asked to watch my girls for me while we were gone. Well..... Sophie was not noticed when she slipped out the door to "follow mommy". We never saw her coming after us. We got to the church and while inside, before the blessing, we heard somebody come in through the church doors and were walking around the foyer sounding a little confused. We assumed it was guys coming to play basketball, like usual, when we heard a little girl's voice. My dad felt to open the office door and see what was going on when we saw Sophie with red little eyes there and two strangers with her. They said they were driving by and saw Sophie wandering the sidewalk crying. She directed them to the church where they came because there was a light on.
Here's the interesting thing about this. My mom doesn't normally leave the foyer light on, but for some reason she felt she ought to. AND, the biggest part of this that was complete proof to my parents and I that God is VERY mindful of my family is that THE CHURCH DOORS WERE LOCKED. There should have been NO possible way for this couple to be able to come in those doors. The Church keeps everything very well sealed, locked and protected. And it's electronically done somehow with the church doors. 
If they couldn't have entered the building they would probably have called the police wondering to whom this little 4 yr old girls belonged to. Sophie's small for her age and she looks 3 and sometimes 2 to most people. By a miracle they stopped and picked her up and took her to the Church, opened locked doors, and brought her straight to me. 


I have been thanking my Heavenly Father since then for all these miracles. 


Tyler and I have been through A LOT. I mean  A  L O T.  I know not as much as most people. But for us, it's been a huge burden. We were tempted with many things, including giving up, but we never did. 
We remained faithful to God and His Church; to our testimonies. We remained faithful to each other and to the Covenants we have made with each other and with God. We have persevered, unshaken, immovable, despite all the many different trials and hardships we have been through. We have been persecuted, judged, dismissed, denied, tried, tested, and more, even from those who should've/could've been the best support for us (including the economy hahaha), and have not given up or blamed God. We knew that what we've been going through has been required of us. 


We both know that in order to appreciate and know the sweet, we must know the bitter.


I know that the bitterness in life has not finished with us. There will be more to come. But I am grateful for this! It has given us experiences for our good, for our learning, and for our happiness. We more appreciate the blessings and miracles when they come and recognize them as such when we remain humble, accepting the trials God gives us knowing that they are helping us, not hindering us, and that they are not punishments, but blessings to help us grow and become more and more like God every day. 
I know that there are two ways to look at things in this life as they come: 1. bitterly, resentfully, angrily, hatefully, disgustedly, and come out worse people. 2. gratefully, humbly, teachable, happily, prayerfully, faithfully, and come out strong and experienced, eyes open wide, hearts softened, and ears ready to hear what God has to teach us. 


I pray that we continue faithfully, despite all the trials we are continually going through, and all the trials we have yet to face. 
Just keep up your prayers for us as we keep up our prayers for you.


Thank you, Heavenly Father, for EVERYthing. 

GREAT BLESSINGS & SEEING HIM SOON!!!!!!!

WOW time is racing by!!! And so many great things are finally happening! 

After years of hard times we are finally seeing some wonderful blessings. After the trial of your Faith comes the blessings. 

Of course I'm sure we're not done with our fair share of trials, but at least right now we have many obvious blessings to count!

For one, MY DAD GOT A JOB!!!!!!! After nearly TWO YEARS without a job and earnestly seeking one out, working as hard as he could, and remaining FAITHFUL all the hard work and patience and faithfulness has paid off!! My dad got a good job working for a great company, with insurance included!! It is a very happy time!

Also, Tyler is doing extremely well!

He baptized a guy named "Big" Simmons in his Platoon and it was the second most spiritual experience for him in his life that he can remember (besides me, he said). He really feels the Lord is greatly blessing us and I totally agree! I feel the same way!

He finished all his training at BCT and finished at 85% which is really good! His Drill Sergeants don't ever say anything mean or bad to him, they like him. He's earned their respect. I'm not surprised :D.

His graduation is NEXT WEEK!!!!!

I KNEW it was right for the girls and I to go, and even my two brothers Josh & Dan, and I prayed to Heavenly Father after doing everything in my power to get there and said, "I feel it's right, I cannot do any more and right now as it stands it's impossible for us to get there without Your help. I leave it in Your hands". The very next day I got two messages from God-send Angels who made it possible for us to get out there and back home!!! It was a MIRACLE. And I did pray for a miracle!!

Now the rest of the expenses are just outrageous! But we'll be okay! I found the best bargains out there and thanks to my military discount it's saved us a few hundred dollars. I'M SOOOOOOO EXCITED!!!!! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We leave June 2nd, Wednesday at 9:00am and get back home on June 5th, 6:30pm. I'm so excited just for the trip alone that the prospect of seeing Tyler just makes the entire thing pure HEAVEN. 

I hope I have the strength in me to say goodbye to him again when that time comes after 7 very short hours with him!

Anyway, I am so very, very grateful that despite all the trials and sickness, hardships, discouragements, and more, that I and my family remained faithful! I am convinced that God blesses those who are righteous. Of course in HIS own time.

So keep the Faith, please!!! DON'T GIVE UP!!!!!!! 

We didn't!!!!! :D 

Losing More Weight! And other thoughts and updates

I am so proud of myself for sticking to this diet! It's been very difficult, but so worth it so far!! I've lost a total of 30 lbs now!!! I'm feeling so good!
The pain I have hasn't gone away. Some days are worse than others, but I'm getting through.
Tyler called home on Saturday and we talked for 3 1/2 minutes. Hardly any time at all!! But it was really good to hear his voice! I ended up crying at the end of the call and tried to mask it from him. Not sure if I succeeded or not, but I think I did. The girls got to say hi to him for a minute and it made him emotional, too. Sophie said, "See you tomorrow, dad!" It was sad! She's really having a hard time with it! She's having issues with potty-trained stuff and her pacifier, sleeping, eating, everything! Sometimes my girls really act up or get overly-emotional; I wish everyone would realize and understand why and be patient with them. Lots of people are, thank goodness. Her primary teachers were so good with her today! They said she did wonderful in class and when I picked her up she was so happy! When I'd dropped her off she clung to me and withdrew inside again, broke my heart! I know people don't "approve" of her pacifier, but too bad, I'm her mom and I know it's something she needs right now. She needs as much comfort as she can get and I see no reason to tear her away from things like this while her daddy is gone. She's having a very difficult time coping with it.
Mother's Day is coming up! I'm very grateful for my parents because they're going to take my girls out shopping for me! That makes me so happy because I was feeling really bad that Mother's Day wouldn't be Mother's Day for me at all since Tyler's gone and nobody thinks about single mothers on that day so they get over-looked. Okay not nobody thinks about them, but it has appeared that way to me, unfortunately. My girls are too young to know when the day is here and too young to go shopping for me, etc. I am really hoping Tyler can call home that day! It's such a special day I think!
Right now I've been needing some ME time. Time to just do what I want to do. I'm not as good as some mothers that can just go and go and go and never have "me" time. I just can't do it. It helps me to have breaks where I can think and recharge my batteries, so to speak.
During this time while Tyler's been gone I've been blessed with strength from Heavenly Father that I wouldn't have had on my own, no matter what. But everybody has their limits. I don't have anybody to come home to at night and nobody to confide in to about my deepest feelings and thoughts like I used to. I really feel for single mothers. I think people are unfair to them for the most part, and I feel that their lot is much harder than normal. 
I'm so glad we could make it to church today. It was really nice to go and feel the Spirit and renew it for me and my little girls. It's so peaceful! Tyler's information was in our ward's announcement paper handed out in Sacrament Meeting. It was so cool to see that!! I wish they'd give me the opportunity to say how he's doing in Relief Society like the moms of missionaries get to. Oh well. It's okay. 
So Tyler's graduation is exactly one month from today, Monday! (when I say we went to church TODAY I mean yesterday lol). I cannot believe it!! I hope to get his BCT Graduation invitation soon and the details so I can book plane tickets and rent a car. I'm praying and hoping that we can drive him to AIT in VA. I cannot book or plan anything until 2 weeks or less before his graduation. It's frustrating having to wait! But that's the military's slogan: hurry up and wait! lol
I've been meeting lots of military spouses online and I'm loving it! What support!! We understand each other like nobody else does and it's so wonderful!! 
I just found out "today" that one of my friends passed away yesterday. It was so shocking and upsetting to me! She was such a sweet and good person! She would write me emails of encouragement, support and love. She was so charitable! I will really, really miss her!! 
Lacie graduates from Kindergarten at the end of this month! I cannot believe it!! My baby is growing up and I hate it and love it at the same time. I cannot wait for this Summer! I have so many plans and ideas for me and the girls while Tyler is gone and I'm really really hoping I can do all of it! I don't want to regret anything and I want to make good memories and spend time with friends and family as much as possible since we'll be moving soon and be GONE! My schedule has been busy, but now that my school is over with it's been a little better. I just cannot wait until Lacie's out of school, then I'll have even more time!
Tyler's doing really good. Homesick, of course, but doing well! He's now the Platoon's designated artist! He charges $5 bucks per rose he draws on envelopes for soldiers writing home and charges more for custom drawings. He's designing and drawing a mural for his Platoon I think for graduation! I'm so proud of him!!!!
He's also got perfect marks on shooting so far! Wow he's so amazing!!
Today while at church it hit me that Tyler REALLY loves me! He really loves me and our girls so much! Look what he's doing for us!! What a sacrifice to leave your family 24/7 for MONTHS to provide for them!! He didn't insist on me going beyond my abilities and getting a job to support our family; he didn't expect it, either. He hated it when I worked and wanted me home raising his children, where I should be. I realize that sometimes moms HAVE to work. My best friends have to work and I feel for them  because their hearts are in their homes where they know they ought to be but cannot be. I pray for them. One day they will be home again with their children! Don't lose hope!! I am sooo grateful for Tyler's hard work and sacrifice for our family! He's one amazing man and I'm one lucky woman to have him!!! 
I cannot wait to see him and tell him myself how I feel, face-to-face!
Now I hope to get some sleep. I have a couple of busy days, or a busy week, ahead of me!

Things Are Going Great!!

Things are going so well right now! Well, as well as they can be haha. I believe that we're seeing blessings now after the trial of our Faith.
Tyler is doing really well at Basic Training, even though his Platoon is full of immature whiners that are making it hard on the entire Platoon (they're the worst out of 4 Platoons), but besides that he's doing so well and having fun, in between the boredom of repetition haha. He's so funny.
School is almost over for me and I'm so excited! I can finally get some time to start going through all our things. I have to book our flights for Tyler's graduation, reserve the hotel on base some time, rent a car, pay the bills, help Lacie finish up with school, and MAYBE think about starting my writing back up! But we'll see, we'll see.
Right now I'm reeling really good. I'm happy, I'm blessed, I'm VERY grateful and I'm remaining Faithful forever to my God and my hubby.
I'm so proud of Tyler!!! He's working SO hard for us to take care of us! He's a REAL MAN and I am so happy to have one, they're so rare!!! (I know some men don't have the opportunities that Tyler has had so please don't be offended, I don't think less of you at all, ever! We all do the best with what we have and that's what matters the most!).
I am also so proud of myself! I've lost over 20 lbs now in 2-3 weeks. It's so wonderful! But I'm not done yet. I'm bound and determined to get to my goal weight that NOTHING'S stopping me! I'm getting exercise and eating RIGHT and staying 100% true to it. 
I am just so grateful for everything the Lord's blessed us with and we have been through sooooooo much already and right now this peace I feel makes it all worth it!
To know I can go to the Temple when I want to, that I do what I know is right, that Tyler and I are both doing the very best we can and we're seeing actual results this time around, it's just such a blessing and such a remarkable feeling!!
Now back to my late-night movie. Finally a few minutes to myself! haha!

He Leaves in 6 Days!!!!!! :(

I cannot believe how time has been rushing by!
Things have been so strange, surreal, and hard. Very hard.
Amazing to me how people can be so insensitive with things they say and do during hard times like these. Suddenly I realize how much people's own lives revolve around themselves. They're mindless of how their words and actions can really hurt others.
I've had many people say hurtful things to me lately, as if they know better or even know what they're talking about. Sometimes they've only meant well, but when they don't really know what they're talking about and only say things that can be offensive and/or hurtful then you know they don't understand and don't have the Spirit directing their words and/or actions.

I don't know how other women do it when their husbands are gone so much. Tyler and I are SO close. So very, very close. Very best friends, and practically inseparable, we tell each other everything. We really are "one". It seems most people don't understand this. I see lots of couples who aren't very close and they are calloused about our separation. And I see many who are used to being separated and they forget what it's like the first time to be apart for so long.
It honestly feels like I'm preparing for his death!! That is how hard it's been on me, on us.

We also have been seeing very clearly who are true friends and who are not. It's been hurtful and joyful at the same time. Amazing "angel-like" friends are appearing out of no-where and some who we thought were good friends are dropping like flies.

Another thing that's been hurtful are those that have no faith in me as a mother. No faith in God. No faith in anything. I believe in God and I believe He has all power. I also know that he doesn't allow us to go through anything that is too much for us to be able to bear. I know that He provides a way. We know this is right what we are doing and when we are obedient to God then He provides a way to help us accomplish whatever He's asked or commanded us to do. (1 Ne 3:7).
In my Patriarchle Blessing it says that my many talents and abilities will come out while I am a mother in Zion, and I really feel this is the time for those to start coming out.
I just KNOW that Heavenly Father is going to help me and take care of us.
The ONLY thing I worry about is discouragement, depression and people who will continually lack faith in me and put me down. I don't want to feel like that. I don't want to feel too tired and discouraged to try my hardest or keep plugging along. I pray I have the strength, energy, health, stamina and desire to be awesome while Tyler is away. I really hope that my memory improves!! Pray it does!

Also, I need to clear something up. I heard from a direct source that people think Tyler joined the Army to use it to pay off our debts. NO. N-O!!!!!!!!!!!!
We did it because it was RIGHT. We desperately needed the health benefits, we needed the steady income and pay-checks, and, Tyler had always wanted to be a Soldier in the U.S. Army and we were literally directed straight into this path. It was the ONLY door that opened for us.
We did NOT get ANY bonuses for signing up!!!!!!!!!!!! They don't hardly do that anymore!! It's not a "enlist and get rich" thing at all!! This is purely sacrificing for us right now. It really is!!
We aren't even getting paychecks for almost 2 months!!!!!!! Nothing!!
WE ARE PAYING OFF OUR DEBTS ALL ON OUR VERY OWN. We are greatly struggling to do this, and we are not filing bankruptcy or anything like that.
And our debts are NOT consumer except one at RC Willey. It's ALL for medical.

whew. I hope people who need to see this actually do, or someone forwards it to them because, frankly, I'm SICK AND TIRED OF JUDGMENTAL, KNOW-IT-ALL PEOPLE!!!!!
Heavenly Father please help me not let people get to me so easily!!

I'm so sensitive and trusting, accepting, loving, naive in lots of ways, forgiving, and more. because of this I get hurt a LOT and very easily. Especially with GOSSIP. Lies, exaggerations, wow. They've hurt me and tarnished my reputation forever with friends and family both.

Okay, now to end this. I'm getting irritable now and I'm SUPER tired and very emotional. I think I'm emotional for a good reason, hopefully others will understand and remember that, too, instead of jumping down my throat.

HE LEAVES IN 6 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. Tyler's farewell party is THIS SATURDAY. If you want the details to it please write me. He would love to see anyone who knows him. He, and us, need any support we can get right now.
thank you!!!

Just a little insight I had.... okay it's a long one, again.

Now I realize that many of you will not agree with me but here's a little impression I received last night or yesterday or sometime fairly recently.
Perhaps this was just for me, perhaps it was total truth, or whatever, but being that I'm in no place to receive revelation for anybody outside my own little family I don't expect anybody to accept this so you don't need to argue with me about it or put me down or "put me in my place". You can share with me how you agree or not but it won't change the impressions I received that I know came from my loving Heavenly Father to me directly.

When thinking about the financial differences and material blessing differences between people that have more v people who have less I found myself seriously and sincerely pondering on this. I prayed for some, well, answer I guess.
I had been reading from the scriptures, reading from Sheri Dew's book No Doubt About It, and considering my family, friends and ourselves in this dilemma.

The fact is there are lazy and negative people out there who dwell solely on what they DON'T have and some don't even think about it that much. They just don't think but sit around, waiting to be waited upon.
And there are some who marry and wait on their spouse or still wait on their parents for all their support while still remaining LAZY.

But, there are those of us who are not lazy. We go to school and do the best we can there without dropping out and whining about how hard it is, and those of us who work as hard and best as we can, and those of us who don't have jobs that have labored diligently and faithfully in finding another job without success. And those of us who have physical ailments that prevent us from doing as much as someone who has little or no physical ailments.
I've met so many people the last few years who are very good and faithful, smart and willing people who CANNOT do what others do to be considered successful in this life. I'm positive that these people, as much as those who are happily successful, have as much chance to make it into the Celestial Kingdom as the next obedient person.

Okay, now here's what came to me when thinking about all of this.
"God blesses some to have easier, more successful and enjoyable lives to help make them be happier and more positive people, which help inspire and encourage and give hope to those who struggle through much opposition (lack of money, health, opportunities, support), which then helps them have Faith and continue to have to have hope through all their trials which make them stronger and even more faithful people which then in turn inspires those who are blessed with more to become better people".
Does that make sense?
I had to write it down quickly so as to not forget it.

Pretty much, if people are righteous and follow the Commandments of God and keep their Covenants made with God and each other, then this plan is PERFECT.

God blesses some with great success as a result to their hard labors, heavy studying, and struggles in life.
God also keeps great success from others who struggle and study just as much as those who do receive great success.
This doesn't mean anything, except that we all have different callings and missions and expectations in life.

Remember the scripture that's in the New Testament that says it's easier for a rich man to enter through the eye of a pin that it is for him to enter the Kingdom of God? Why does God say that anyway?
Well, think about it.
If a man/woman gets success for their labors (or even just an inheritance) it can easily get to their heads. "I earned it" "I worked for it" "I deserve it" "It's mine".
The FACT is that ALL THAT WE HAVE IS GOD'S, NOT OURS.
He chooses who gets what in this life, period. It has NOTHING to do with what we do. Sure we can say it does, but think about it. There are some people who do very little and gain a lot. There are some who do a lot but gain very little.
God doesn't reward laziness, Eternally.
Riches and material blessings are not Eternal. They are extremely mortal. Just because someone is hard working and smart with their money doesn't mean that they're Eternally rich. God can give them lots of material wealth but does that go with them into the next life? Do those riches even matter?
NO. Obviously no.

God gives us more things to see what we choose to do with them.
Where much is given much is required.

I'm rambling on a lot more than what I intended, and I'm 100% sure that most who read this will not agree with me. But that's okay. This is something I felt the Spirit taught me personally and I felt like sharing it, for whatever good it could possibly do.

Here's a good example of personally seeing this in my life:
My dad is a very smart man. Perhaps one of the smartest people I've ever met. He's educated, qualified, hard-working, wise, and righteous.
Is he rich? No. He doesn't even have a job. Is it because he's been foolish? NO! Is it because he's been disobedient? NO. Is it because "he's missing something"? NO!
I am getting SICK AND TIRED of hearing people judge my father for his lack of material success in this life. Sick of it.
He's worked just as hard and as smart as the next rich guy, if not HARDER than.
He is not being punished. He is not missing something. He is not forgetting something that's keeping material blessings from him. It is simply that Heavenly Father doesn't NEED him to be rich. He is keeping my dad close to him because that's where he needs him. When we are struggling and poor we usually are humbled which makes us have more faith and the spirit is stronger in our lives making us more susceptible to receiving specific blessings and revelations and inspirations in our life that we otherwise could not have received had we been greatly materially successful.
One this is for certain. My dad is more charitable than any other rich man I know. He is more humble. He is more understanding. He is less judgmental. More accepting. More teachable. More in a lot of ways than any rich man I know.

Now I do know a lot of rich men that are amazing men (and women). I'm not saying that they can't be just as righteous as my dad is and even better.
The point is, just like the scripture says, it's harder for a rich man to make it into the Celestial Kingdom and not because money is evil. No. It's because being humble and having true charity is that much harder. It really is.

When being blessed with material blessings it's hard to remember those who are struggling. It's hard to think about what others with less could possibly be going through.
Usually what absorbs our minds are "they're not doing this right" or "they're not wise with their money" or "they should've done this instead" etc. As if they know better and think that the poor man is foolish, stupid and unwise or not righteous enough.

So here's my point.

Just because you worked really hard and got lots of money doesn't mean you deserved it, and it doesn't mean it's yours, and it doesn't mean you're better than "so-and-so" that has less than you did.
And just because you have no money or no job doesn't mean that you "deserve" less than the rich one. It doesn't mean God hasn't blessed you and it doesn't mean that you're stupid or "missing something" or foolish.

Just remember that the most important things in life are not the fruits of our physical labors, but the fruits of our Spiritual labors.

The wise man built his house upon the rock is not talking about physical things here. It is completely spiritual.

To God ALL things are Spiritual. We cannot comprehend all that the Lord comprehends.
Where we are faithful the Lord stores up TREASURES IN HEAVEN, NOT ON EARTH.

And I really believe this. I really believe that even if I don't ever "score" where money and material blessings are concerned, that they'll be waiting for me in the next life if I remain faithful and endure to the end. And I also know it has nothing to do with how hard I work or how smart I do things but it has EVERYTHING to do with God's plan and God's will in all things.

So I guess you can go ahead and keep your money since you think YOU earned it and it's YOURS and it's because of everything YOU'VE done. Remember that to think this way is thinking you're as great as if not greater than God, because ALL you have is the Father's, and it has nothing to do with your righteousness or smartness and ALL to do with his Plan and will.
As long as we DO OUR BEST and remain faithful we will be blessed AS THE LORD SEES FIT.

I pray that you ALL can understand what I wrote here.... but I won't count on it.

Oh well :)

Staying Positive

As many of you know, who take the time to actually read my blogs, I have been through a few things the last few years (or pretty much my entire life) that are a bit hard, a bit dragging, and trying, etc., etc.
I know people don't like to hear negativity or pessimism, etc. They also like to say that life is what you make it, or attitude is everything, and much, much more.
Well I can say that they are not wrong. I agree. But, I can also say that no matter what there are some of us that are simply and factually at a better advantage than others are.
Just tonight I was looking through an old friend's pictures on a public profile site and was blown away by all the places she's visited in her lifetime. At first I was happy and enjoying all the pretty pictures and interesting places and things she's done, but as I continued to look through them, seeing more and more, the harder it was to be as happy. Sure I was happy for her!! I would never desire to take that fun and enjoyment out of her life in a million years! But it was hard not to think, or remember, the disappointments in my own life. The dreams I had that have never come to pass, and quite possibly never will in my life.

Tyler and I have always had hopes for a brighter future. We both love the outdoors, traveling, music, and just plain ol' "getting out there". We planned on backpacking together, camping, traveling, owning a home, even if it was a tiny junker of a home, of living life!
The reality is that we have not gone anywhere "fun" or exciting or adventerous, we have not even had the chance to.
Life has thrown many curve balls at us and considering everything that has happened we have come pretty far. At least we think so.

So while we see many around us, literally around us i.e. friends, family, neighbors, etc., getting out and living life and being successful we find ourselves struggling to barely make it from one day to the next and sometimes wonder "why us?" or "why couldn't we do that?" or "why can't we have that?" etc. I mean, really. It's hard to sit in a tiny, old, falling-apart townhome without a decent car and not even being able to afford the basic necessities and while I battle with numerous health problems, family problems, even friend problems, while we watch others around us, happy as can be, living up life, successful, having babies on demand, owning beautiful homes that they can actually buy furniture for, going on vacations and trips and everything else without feeling a little like we're missing out, or like our trials are harder than some others are.

It's hard to stay positive in these situations!
Especially since we know we have been working so hard to get on our feet let alone get ahead in life. Especially since we know we've been faithful, perservering, working hard, studying hard, praying hard.
We haven't been overly stupid or unwise. We haven't done anything WRONG, perse, it's just not been that easy for us.

The other day someone arrogantly said to my husband and unemployed brothers "it'd take me just one day to go out a find a job". He's never been in need of a job, layed off or fired. How does he know?
Then an ignorant and arrogant comment from a meaning-well friend "if you'd just lose your weight all your health problems would go away". HA. I wish! Yep, I sure do.
And another comment from well-meaning people "you must be doing something wrong for nothing to go your way! Maybe you don't have enough faith?"
And another "you're not positive enough. If you want it then believe it and it will happen". HAHA.
Still more "you haven't been wise..." "you (Lisa) should've put Tyler through school with you working" "you didn't try hard enough" "your time will come" and so on and so on.
How do things like these help or encourage us?
They do not!
Then one of the most hurtful comments I got from someone who I used to think the world of "I didn't want to keep you as a friend (on facebook, or anywhere actually) because I knew that all your posts on facebook were so discouraging and it was just too much for me to handle. Maybe when I feel like I can handle it all then we can be friends again". She also had written me that I just wasn't positive enough. Well, I guess I could make my updates say things like "wow the flowers are pretty today" or "I like my shoes, they don't have holes in them" or "I'm glad I didn't die today" etc etc.
Sorry our lives have sucked. It's hard to write anything about our lives when hardly anything positive ever happens.
Of course more positive things have been happening more lately, and we have full faith and hope that things will get better!

Anyway, my point to this blog was that even though it's SO HARD to see everyone else's successes and blessings in open plain view I can at least say that I've kept the faith and that my faith has been made stronger through all of this. And I know what's most important in this life, and for the Eternities, too: family. MY family. And anybody else that feels like being LIKE family to us, too. I'm not talking flesh and blood, because that doesn't count so much. It's the family that you make, the family that choose to make you their family by how they treat you, accept you, forgive you, understand you, love you, help you, encourage you, and have charity for you.
I have the most amazing "family" in many good friends (a few in particular.. you know who you are!!) and my own hubby and daughters and other flesh and blood family who support us in thick and thin.

I can say this much. That I know Heavenly Father must love Tyler and I SO SO VERY MUCH to have put us through so so very much!! Because of what we've been through it's made us stronger in many ways: faith, hope, charity, patience, long-suffering, understanding, and with each other and even most importantly it's made our relationships with God so much more stronger! I've been learning invaluable lessons that I know couldn't have been learned in any other way and for that I'm Eternally grateful to my Father in Heaven for all these blessings (trials) that he's given us.
Yes, it's VERY HARD and yes, sometimes I cry and hurt over things people do and say to us and what we don't have and can't have etc etc., but I trust in God to know that He loves me enough that he wouldn't put me through anything more than I am able to handle and that this is ALL FOR MY GOOD and one day, if not in this life, I will have my blessings that are being laid up store for me in my Father's Kingdom.
This I know is true.

So if you cannot handle hearing about somebody's life that is hard and they talk about it then you're not strong enough to handle me, or life in particular, period. Because if you're one of those "lucky" people who thinks it's been through your own amazing smartness and faith and hard-work that's got you that nice, big house and those amazing vacations and trips, and those nice cars and clothes and furniture, and awesome church callings, then think again, because GOD GAVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU HAVE and He can take it away just like "that". Do not ever allow yourself to think that you "earned" anything you have. Do not ever think that you owe yourself this or that, or that you deserve such-and-such, or that you worked hard for it so that's why you have it. When you think like that you will automatically think you're better than others, maybe not on purpose, but really, if you got all you have by YOUR hard work and then you meet someone like me and Tyler and see what we DON'T have you'll automatically think "they didn't work hard enough" or "they're not ambitious enough" or "they don't have enough faith" or "they aren't smart enough" or "they were unwise in their decisions" etc etc. That's not fair, really. And it's judgmental, really.

But to those of you who do have different blessings than Tyler and I have or that have wonderful material blessings that we do not have and still are our friends and love and accept us, God will bless you for that and for not judging us. And we love you so much and are so grateful for your friendships, be you family or friend!

So, I must be vigilant. I must "keep plugging along", as my Grandma Pearson used to always say in her letters to me while I was on a mission. And with that I will keep my faith, striving to be positive and count my blessings among all the chaos and trials and sorrows, cuz really, what else can I do but that? I can accept nothing less from myself.

Delays & Answers To Prayers

Well Tyler would be enlisted right now in the U.S. Army but when he was filling out his paperwork while there at MEPS (Military Entrance Processing Station) they asked if he's had ANY Emergency Room visits. Well, he had a couple of ER visits. One I will mention here and it was his chest pain he was having while taking his EMT class at the Firestation. Well, they never officially diagnosed him with anything but he hasn't had any problems since, not really anyway. We think it's a strained muscle in his shoulder and it's a bad one. His sister's tried working on it in the past and has had to put her ELBOW into it and it will not relax! Stubborn little bugger!! lol So I told Tyler I will work on it up until he leaves for Basic Training. Anyway, unlike what some people seem to think, it is NOT my fault he was having chest pain. (I was actually blamed TO MY FACE by one person and implied by a few more that it was my fault he was having chest pain! Can you believe the nerve of some people? Seriously!). Anyway, so his MUSCLE spasm, NOT caused by his wife but by his lifetime of construction work, caused an issue that was very painful for him and he went to the ER for it because he was with EMT's and Paramedics who insisted he go for chest pain. I think they were using him as an example to the other students in the class that as EMT's you should NEVER take chest pain lightly, no matter what you think it may be. It's just too risky! So away they whisked him to the ER. I'm just praying that this one little thing doesn't prevent him from being able to enlist! How stupid would that be? Seriously! But he has a really good recruiter who's willing to "bust his butt" as he puts it to get Tyler in.
Tyler isn't enlisted yet, unfortunately, but he will be this week one of these days. Not sure exactly which day. He might have to go to the MEPS thing all over again which means leaving here at 3pm in the afternoon on Wed and not getting home until 3pm the next day. Wow just 24 hours and us 3 girls really missed him!! And he might have to do it all over again.
He passed everything else so well, though, so having him repeat it again just seems a little excessive, but oh well!

Everything that's happened has been leading us up to this point. This point of Tyler enlisting in the Army. Things have just happened SO quickly and so smoothly! They say when things fall into place like this that it's right!

I've also been learning some interesting things about the Spirit. The Spirit can come ONE TIME and tell you when something is right, correct and true and then it doesn't need to hang around reminding you of that constantly. You have to have faith in that answer you got and cling to the memory, doing what you know is right that it lead you to. That's why converts can have an amazing experience, or a definite one, when they first discover the truth of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and once that initial feeling wears off and life continues and trials come as they always do that it's easy to forget that feeling and a little bit at a time we let things go that help remind us of that until it becomes too faint and eventually they lose it altogether and leave the church again. This happens to anybody actually, not just converts. It can happen to any member of the church.
Anyway, so when you receive that answer you should probably write down how you felt about it. After you get that answer COUNT on it that Satan/the Adversary is going to indefinitely try to discourage you from following through with what you know is right. He's going to depress you, scare you, intimidate you, give you doubts and discouragement and he will use any means necessary to derail you. He will use friends and family even! Of course these caring people do not realize they may be assisting in this negative way at all because they don't mean harm, but it is a fact that people are used quite regularly to discourage people from choosing the right. Even if they mean well.
If something is indefinitely correct or good or true the Adversary will try to stop you. If it was NOT right he will NOT have to try to stop you so you won't feel these negative feelings. He'll leave you alone! So sometimes this can cause great confusion.
For example, now this might seem like an absurd example, but it's an obvious one I can use, say you have a choice to take illegal drugs or not to take them. You decide that it's the right thing to do to take them. The Adversary is NOT going to give you feelings of doubt that you chose the right thing. He's not going to make you feel confusion, frustration, discouragement, depression or anxiety that choosing to take the drugs is the right thing or not. He will leave you alone! He knows he "has you" and will thus let you go ahead with your obviously WRONG AND BAD decision. BUT, when you have the Spirit of God with you, or the Light of Christ, or the Gift of the Holy Ghost, you will have a SURE KNOWLEDGE that it is wrong. It won't be confusing. It will be a FOR SURE STOPPING knowledge that it is wrong. It will be strong enough that you cannot ignore it inwardly. Outwardly you can pretend you didn't feel it and go ahead with your bad choice, and when you do this enough times eventually you stop feeling this absolute knowledge that something is wrong. You've actually desensitized yourself to the point of not feeling when this knowledge of what is right and wrong is no longer felt or recognized.
But, you can also choose to follow that knowledge and turn around and walk away without another thought about it!! It's so much easier to just follow that knowledge.
Now, say if you pray about it and feel that it's NOT right to take the illegal drugs, the Adversary will be aware of your decision. Do you think he'll leave you alone? Well, probably not unless he knows for sure that he has no chance of swaying you. He will make you doubt your decision, he'll plummet you with guilt and peer pressure, anxiety, discouragement. He'll annoy you so much that you begin to doubt your decision! That's when people cave. They give in to those feelings and they don't follow through with that initial answer they received of what was the correct choice.

I have to give this example, because I feel I must. I was hoping I wouldn't have to, but here it is anyway!
When Tyler and I were first getting to know each other I was still interested in another man I wanted to marry. I felt God approved of my decision to marry this other man, but he also told me that it was up to BOTH OF US. And this other man did not choose me. It hurt. But that's okay now. So I meet Tyler and start to get to know him. I feel something about him that different than with any other man I'd ever dated. I prayed about the man I was to marry and I had a dream OF TYLER! I dreamed of him before I really knew him. I was friends with his younger brother, Joe, and I thought Joe was such an awesome guy that I was always saying "Gosh if Joe just had an older brother!". And lo and behold he did!! I was never interested in Joe in "that way" hahaha thank goodness cuz he's my brother in law now!! I loved the qualities Joe had and since there was no attraction there at all for either of us I just was hoping there'd be another guy out there that I would be attracted to that would be like Joe in many ways. Well, then I met Tyler. I saw him on a Sunday sitting next to Joe at church after the night of my dream and I KNEW I'd found him. Only then I didn't know he was Joe's brother. It wasn't until I went to his house and saw their pictures on the wall that I knew they were brothers without a doubt. They just do not look like each other at all! Joe is a whitey with very blond hair and blue eyes. Tyler is a very stocky dark man with black hair and brownish-gold eyes. So I was thrilled when I found out they were brothers. When I finally got over that old boyfriend of mine the Spirit told me Tyler was the right one, or at least Heavenly Father approved of my choice as did my future children (he was the FIRST one that my future children approved of, actually, and I felt this very, very strongly). I prayed about him and I felt it was RIGHT. Just being with him and around him it was confirmed over and over again.
When the decision to get married was made that's when HELL literally was dragged in to stop us! It was INCREDIBLY HARD!!!!!
We did NOT have support. We actually had friends and family who fought against our union and would say and do anything to try to discourage us from being married. I cannot believe the extremes to which the Adversary went through to try to prevent this special union of ours. There were waves of doubt, discouragement, anxiety and sickness that hit both of us at random times and places, and almost ALWAYS when we were around specific people who did not approve it was VERY strong. It was incredibly difficult!!!! It was one of the most difficult decision either of us have ever had to make!
But we both knew it was correct!
On our wedding day I got up that morning and prayed again, telling the Lord that I was putting my entire faith and life into his hands in trusting that this was the correct decision and to bless me with peace and strength. Well, it washed over me and lasted the entire day of our wedding! The Adversary gave up when he knew I was not turning back and there was nothing he could do to ME to break it up.
Tyler also prayed and said "Stop me Lord if this is not right, but I feel it is" and even though he was literally shaking in his shoes of nervousness he felt it was right! After we were married we felt GOOD. We felt calm and peace and happiness and promise.
It has been difficult, being married (not to each other, just life has) but it has made us both grow in HUGE ways. We've been strengthened so much! And we've grown closer together than ever before! Even though there are some that still do not respect our Eternal Marriage and would throw parties to see this Eternal family torn apart, we are happy together, feel fulfilled, and have never, ever, ever felt like anything was missing. We feel complete and whole together.
My point here is that when something is RIGHT the Adversary will work to prevent it, using ANY means he finds necessary, even family and friends, to try to prevent the right thing from happening!!! And when it is wrong he leaves you alone! You get a distinct KNOWLEDGE that it is wrong and either you forget it or you can easily turn away from it once you make your choice and it's easy to let it go and forget about it.

You can tell when something's not right for you. Like if you're looking at a house to buy you KNOW when you walk into the right place! Or just a place to rent. As soon as you drive up or walk through that door you know if it's a yes or a no. That is when it's one of those DEFINITE things. There are cases where the choices we have don't matter as much and it's not necessary to feel a YES or a NO. But you know it when you feel either of these! It's only after the initial YES that you can receive discouraging thoughts and feelings and emotions that can drive you away from what you know is right.

Wow I just realized I really got into a tangent there!! hahaha sorry about that!! I guess I really felt impressed to share this tonight.

So, back to what's going on with Tyler and I!! haha.
We are being delayed in enlistment and also in where we will be living. We aren't sure if we'll be staying here or moving to government housing. I just don't want to have to start over in another ward and then in a few short months have Tyler GONE. Not only with the girls have their daddy GONE 24/7 for MONTHS (which will be EXTREMELY traumatic to them) but then they'll have to get used to new neighbors, new house, new ward, and even a new school!!!!! AAAAAAHHH!!!! I really hope we don't have to move there! Now, it's not a bad place, and it actually has THREE bedrooms instead of two like we have now, and it's all one level (thank you from my poor bad knees!) but yeah. It's government housing which means strict rules and also the price of the rent is determined from the gross income of the house. That can be bad and too expensive if Tyler is making too much. Being in the military it will be too much, especially if I have any hope of ever getting out of debt again! Thank goodness the military has sooooo many wonderful benefits! That will literally SAVE US.
So we are meeting with our bishop, HOPEFULLY, tomorrow and counseling with him about our options and see what our choices will end up being after that.
I am just really scared of being ALL ALONE after Tyler is gone. I hope that family will get closer to me and the girls, even if they'd rather not, especially for the girls and since I'll be so lonely being without my best friend in the entire world!!!

So, pray that things will continue to fall into place for us!! We need prayers for peace, comfort and guidance!!

Positive Changes??? And what I'm GRATEFUL for!!!

Well I might as well update y'all and stop putting it off, right?

Things have been changing a little bit at a time around here and I really hope they continue to change for the good for us.

Tyler passed his EMT and is not officially certified as an Emergency Medical Technician in the State of Utah. RAD!!!!! SO exciting!!! He did so well and I totally knew he would!

And,
he's been very seriously considering and pursuing the Military, specifically the United States Army Active Duty! He's thinking about being a Combat Medic or something else in the medical field. I don't want him to do a job that will put his life in danger, and being a Combat Medic would do just that. But there are so many other medical jobs in the military I'm sure he'll consider a much safer route.
Tyler and I strictly believe that nobody should make such huge decisions in their life without first consulting the Expert. Who might that be? God, duh ;). He knows all, knows what's best, loves us and will never lead us astray, and we really have faith in Him and whatever he has planned for us.
So why stick our noses up at his commandments (or as more popularly called "suggestions") when he's not going to lead us into a path that brings sorrow and pain and regret? It's laughable, really. Only he knows what's best for us and he's made is incredibly easy to figure it out. i.e. follow his commandments, ALL OF THEM, repent when you mess up and YOU WILL MESS UP, and when in doubt ask Him, which is what we're doing right now.
Tyler and I started a fast last night about this decision. We know it's a HUGE one and will determine in a huge way the course in where our lives will lead us.
So far we BOTH feel good about it! Neither of us have felt that it's wrong. We're excited, we're happy, we're hopeful. Sure we're scared. Who wouldn't be??? It's a HUGE deal! But if it's right then that's what we're going to do, just like when we got married.
A lot of people that should have been supporting us when we got married were fighting us tooth and nail, especially against Tyler, and it only made it harder on our relationships with these people to not have their support, but we both knew it was right to get married so we did it anyway, having faith in God that he knew what he was doing. Now we're going through it again. Tyler is going through some adversity and a bit of negative feedback from the very people that should be giving him full support, but hey what can you do? Cry about it? Okay sure we can, but we will not because what matters MOST is TYLER AND LISA. Nobody else. Okay, TYLER AND LISA AND GOD. hee hee. And our family. Just us. Period. That's it. End of story. lol j/k.
Anyway, if it's not right he will not pursue it, hence the reason for the fast. We want to know for sure if it's the right course to take. I mean gosh, Tyler's putting his life literally on the line here!!! And, he'll be leaving me a single mother for many months and quite possibly YEARS as well!!!

The Army recruiter that we both met with a week ago spoke to me very frankly and directly and said that it's the WIFE that's giving the sacrifice in every way. It's HER that will suffer, HER that will be lonely, HER that gives up, HER that has the hard time. The guy gets to play Army and even though he might have a hard time he will not hate it. He might have one bad day out of thousands, but besides that he's playing Army like he always wanted to, gets to shoot guns, jump out of airplanes, save lives, play in the dirt, get strong and muscly, and do just about anything else he wants to, away from his family. He won't have to change diapers, help clean the house, take out the trash, babysit the kids, or ANYTHING.
He really laid it on thick to me. He said that I am going to be miserable most of the time and feel very lonely. He said the only thing that will keep me sane is my family's support and making friends with the other military wives.
SIGH!!!!!!!
I HIGHLY DOUBT I'll get any support from _________. They hate my guts. They hate how outspoken I am. Boo on them. They're missing out I say! lol

Okay, so those are two cool things going on with us right now.

I also reapplied to go back to school at UVU. I'm still not sure what I want to do there. I REALLY want to do Interior Design and get a Real Estate License, but I don't have the money out of pocket to do either and Utah sucks for Interior Design. Everybody here has such a bland taste (sorry!!! But it's true! Nobody thinks outside the box where design is nor will they pay for good design the cheapos!!).
Wow am I being blunt or what?
So I was thinking of Forensics or being a Police Officer. Any other ideas or suggestions? I can't do business or accounting. I'd go literally nuts with boredom!! lol
If the Army thing isn't right for Tyler then he'll be going back to UVU come January to do his pre-nursing classes. He's already doing so well! I'm really proud of him! He's such a strong man and he knows what he wants and he stands by it and I love that.

On the down side. The girls have been getting sick A LOT. My mom says it's cuz they have low immune systems and I tend to agree with her. Especially Sophie. Ideas on what to do to help them?? No, we are NOT getting any stupid flu shots so don't even go there (hahaha, sorry!) but I'll be open to any other suggestions at all!!
Right now we think Sophie has bronchitis. You should hear her cough! Poor girl coughs all day and all night long and it won't go away! Their fevers won't go away either. I'm worried about them. Poor little things!
We've missed SOOOO much church for being sick literally every single weekend!!! Okay there have been a weekend here and there that they've not been sick, but that's been rare. It's really discouraging because I really miss church and the HUGE PEACE I feel there.
I DO NOT go for the people. Who cares what they may or may not think about us? I go because I know it's the Lord's church and you can feel his spirit there and it's so refreshing. It's like filling up your battery. I love it!

Oh and I just wanted to mention a few things I'm grateful for.

1. My friends.
I have some REALLY REALLY REALLY good friends. You guys are amazing and so supportive and so good! You are true friends and I love you guys so much! No matter where we go in life I know you'll always be there for me and I'll ALWAYS be there for you! If there's one thing that I value more than I can express it's a true friendship. I am so loyal.
Anyway, my friends have been a HUGE support for us. I have really and truly needed every one of you. Sure, there have been a few that have misunderstood me/used me and hurt me and are slowly disappearing, but it's their loss, right? I truly believe so. One day, and even now, I believe that those who choose to be our friends God blesses. I really believe this. I feel it's true. So thank you so much for being there!!
2. My family.
We've had a bumpy road with some family but the family that is TRUE family has stood by our sides no matter what!!! I may have a big mouth on me and can easily offend others and those who are TRUE FAMILY know this and forgive me for this. They know that I do not mean to offend; they know I have a tender and loving heart, so they forgive. I consider a lot of my family some of my best friends and I absolutely love that. There is no better relationship you can have in this life than to be best friends with a family member. Tyler is my best friend in the whole wide world and he's also my husband i.e. a family member. I am really grateful for a few really good family members and I love you guys so much! Thank you for everything!!!
3. My girls & husband (my FAMILY family).
My girls are such bright lights in my life. I was told that I only had 30% chance of ever having a child. I was told that I would miscarry most of my babies and if any of them ever made it to birth and survived it would be a miracle. Well I have two amazing miracles!!!!
I know that I was HARSHLY and wrongfully judged when I was pregnant with both of them and had to quit working, but if I had not quit working THEY WOULD HAVE DIED. My body has an incredibly difficult time being pregnant. I was SO blessed to even get pregnant with my little girls. I know for SURE they are supposed to be here and they're supposed to be mine and Tyler's children. I feel a special connection with my two girls. And I am very very grateful I have two girls. To me they are perfect. And they're mine. And I am very lucky to have them!
And my husband. He has been through SO much. I feel like his life as been unfair for the most part but he's been so positive and even more-so he's been persevering. He has overcome some of the hardest obstacles out there and come out on top! He is a very hard worker, dedicated, and he follows what he knows to be right. Sure he's not perfect, but WHO IS in this life? What matter is that he's made it so far and has really grown into a very strong and stable man who I am so proud of and so in love with!!!!
He has faced so much adversity in his life and always chooses the right in the end. I also know that if I had taken over his job as the "bread winner" that he would not be as far as he is right now. There's just something in it for a man when he can truly be a MAN and be allowed to be the MAN and make the money like he wants to and seeks to further his education. Tyler has grown more and more into a MAN every day and it's been AMAZING to watch!!! He's really learning self-respect and self-confidence this way.
It actually has been a blessing for Tyler to have a wife with many health problems. I have not been able to go further my education and get a career that I KNOW I would have if I had been able to and if I'd done this then Tyler would not have had to "step up". I hope I'm making sense without coming across as offensive at all. But it's something that we both have realized, and I'm really so VERY grateful for it.
4. The Gospel of Jesus Christ.
This has literally SAVED ME. Saved my life, saved my happiness, saved everything. Because I believe in my religion I am strong. Not just any religion, but in the specific religion I belong to. Believe me when I say that I know this is God's one and true religion and that there is ONLY ONE WAY back to Him and Eternal Life. I'm getting tired of hearing from people that there are many ways and that every person has their own way to get to God and Heaven and that God will accept everybody into Heaven, blah blah blah. People who believe this way DO NOT UNDERSTAND. Anyway, I am ETERNALLY GRATEFUL for my testimony. I sincerely and thoroughly and very thoughtfully believe in This church with ALL of my heart and mind and feel indebted to God every day for being allowed to be a member of His kingdom and His church and to partake of his Eternal blessings every single day of my life. I am so happy and satisfied with where things are with my religious part of life and what and how I believe. I have no doubts; there is nothing that I can think of that could ever deter me from this faith that I have. I AM NOT PERFECT, and I can falter, and I do make LOTS of mistakes every day, but what does matter is that I have a true testimony and I keep that by working at it every day, and that I repent of my MANY "transgressions" and errors.

Okay those are just 4 things I am very grateful for at this time. They aren't in the order of what's most important to me at all, just so ya know.

Let's just say that life has been hard and rough etc etc etc., but we're not giving up. Sure, we have enemies. Sure, we have problems. Sure, we have trials. Who doesn't????
What matters is how we choose to be at the end of the day. How we choose to react. How we choose to live.

And we're choosing to live the way God has asked us to, no matter how much rebuttal we can get, because we know that he wants what is the absolute BEST for us and wants our happiness and joy to be full because he loves us that much, and more.