Staying Positive

As many of you know, who take the time to actually read my blogs, I have been through a few things the last few years (or pretty much my entire life) that are a bit hard, a bit dragging, and trying, etc., etc.
I know people don't like to hear negativity or pessimism, etc. They also like to say that life is what you make it, or attitude is everything, and much, much more.
Well I can say that they are not wrong. I agree. But, I can also say that no matter what there are some of us that are simply and factually at a better advantage than others are.
Just tonight I was looking through an old friend's pictures on a public profile site and was blown away by all the places she's visited in her lifetime. At first I was happy and enjoying all the pretty pictures and interesting places and things she's done, but as I continued to look through them, seeing more and more, the harder it was to be as happy. Sure I was happy for her!! I would never desire to take that fun and enjoyment out of her life in a million years! But it was hard not to think, or remember, the disappointments in my own life. The dreams I had that have never come to pass, and quite possibly never will in my life.

Tyler and I have always had hopes for a brighter future. We both love the outdoors, traveling, music, and just plain ol' "getting out there". We planned on backpacking together, camping, traveling, owning a home, even if it was a tiny junker of a home, of living life!
The reality is that we have not gone anywhere "fun" or exciting or adventerous, we have not even had the chance to.
Life has thrown many curve balls at us and considering everything that has happened we have come pretty far. At least we think so.

So while we see many around us, literally around us i.e. friends, family, neighbors, etc., getting out and living life and being successful we find ourselves struggling to barely make it from one day to the next and sometimes wonder "why us?" or "why couldn't we do that?" or "why can't we have that?" etc. I mean, really. It's hard to sit in a tiny, old, falling-apart townhome without a decent car and not even being able to afford the basic necessities and while I battle with numerous health problems, family problems, even friend problems, while we watch others around us, happy as can be, living up life, successful, having babies on demand, owning beautiful homes that they can actually buy furniture for, going on vacations and trips and everything else without feeling a little like we're missing out, or like our trials are harder than some others are.

It's hard to stay positive in these situations!
Especially since we know we have been working so hard to get on our feet let alone get ahead in life. Especially since we know we've been faithful, perservering, working hard, studying hard, praying hard.
We haven't been overly stupid or unwise. We haven't done anything WRONG, perse, it's just not been that easy for us.

The other day someone arrogantly said to my husband and unemployed brothers "it'd take me just one day to go out a find a job". He's never been in need of a job, layed off or fired. How does he know?
Then an ignorant and arrogant comment from a meaning-well friend "if you'd just lose your weight all your health problems would go away". HA. I wish! Yep, I sure do.
And another comment from well-meaning people "you must be doing something wrong for nothing to go your way! Maybe you don't have enough faith?"
And another "you're not positive enough. If you want it then believe it and it will happen". HAHA.
Still more "you haven't been wise..." "you (Lisa) should've put Tyler through school with you working" "you didn't try hard enough" "your time will come" and so on and so on.
How do things like these help or encourage us?
They do not!
Then one of the most hurtful comments I got from someone who I used to think the world of "I didn't want to keep you as a friend (on facebook, or anywhere actually) because I knew that all your posts on facebook were so discouraging and it was just too much for me to handle. Maybe when I feel like I can handle it all then we can be friends again". She also had written me that I just wasn't positive enough. Well, I guess I could make my updates say things like "wow the flowers are pretty today" or "I like my shoes, they don't have holes in them" or "I'm glad I didn't die today" etc etc.
Sorry our lives have sucked. It's hard to write anything about our lives when hardly anything positive ever happens.
Of course more positive things have been happening more lately, and we have full faith and hope that things will get better!

Anyway, my point to this blog was that even though it's SO HARD to see everyone else's successes and blessings in open plain view I can at least say that I've kept the faith and that my faith has been made stronger through all of this. And I know what's most important in this life, and for the Eternities, too: family. MY family. And anybody else that feels like being LIKE family to us, too. I'm not talking flesh and blood, because that doesn't count so much. It's the family that you make, the family that choose to make you their family by how they treat you, accept you, forgive you, understand you, love you, help you, encourage you, and have charity for you.
I have the most amazing "family" in many good friends (a few in particular.. you know who you are!!) and my own hubby and daughters and other flesh and blood family who support us in thick and thin.

I can say this much. That I know Heavenly Father must love Tyler and I SO SO VERY MUCH to have put us through so so very much!! Because of what we've been through it's made us stronger in many ways: faith, hope, charity, patience, long-suffering, understanding, and with each other and even most importantly it's made our relationships with God so much more stronger! I've been learning invaluable lessons that I know couldn't have been learned in any other way and for that I'm Eternally grateful to my Father in Heaven for all these blessings (trials) that he's given us.
Yes, it's VERY HARD and yes, sometimes I cry and hurt over things people do and say to us and what we don't have and can't have etc etc., but I trust in God to know that He loves me enough that he wouldn't put me through anything more than I am able to handle and that this is ALL FOR MY GOOD and one day, if not in this life, I will have my blessings that are being laid up store for me in my Father's Kingdom.
This I know is true.

So if you cannot handle hearing about somebody's life that is hard and they talk about it then you're not strong enough to handle me, or life in particular, period. Because if you're one of those "lucky" people who thinks it's been through your own amazing smartness and faith and hard-work that's got you that nice, big house and those amazing vacations and trips, and those nice cars and clothes and furniture, and awesome church callings, then think again, because GOD GAVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU HAVE and He can take it away just like "that". Do not ever allow yourself to think that you "earned" anything you have. Do not ever think that you owe yourself this or that, or that you deserve such-and-such, or that you worked hard for it so that's why you have it. When you think like that you will automatically think you're better than others, maybe not on purpose, but really, if you got all you have by YOUR hard work and then you meet someone like me and Tyler and see what we DON'T have you'll automatically think "they didn't work hard enough" or "they're not ambitious enough" or "they don't have enough faith" or "they aren't smart enough" or "they were unwise in their decisions" etc etc. That's not fair, really. And it's judgmental, really.

But to those of you who do have different blessings than Tyler and I have or that have wonderful material blessings that we do not have and still are our friends and love and accept us, God will bless you for that and for not judging us. And we love you so much and are so grateful for your friendships, be you family or friend!

So, I must be vigilant. I must "keep plugging along", as my Grandma Pearson used to always say in her letters to me while I was on a mission. And with that I will keep my faith, striving to be positive and count my blessings among all the chaos and trials and sorrows, cuz really, what else can I do but that? I can accept nothing less from myself.

Money Money Money Money Money Money Money

So I was thinking about this and Tyler and I have talked about it and my parents have and Kimberley and I have and many others, but, when it comes to Money, we're all a little different than I think a lot, or most, people are with it.
Okay, sure you can say we're bad with it. Go ahead and say it, think it, whatever, but it doesn't matter cuz that's a matter of opinion and perspective and priorities, quite frankly.
I have an old boss that was a multi-millionaire. We worked side-by-side and became pretty darn good friends. I admired this man. He was incredibly intelligent, but, when you first met him you would think he was a bum from Australia, because of his speach impediment, and also because of what he drove and what he wore. To him impressions didn't mean much at all, it was work ethic that mattered most.
Some people think material things DO matter because impressions DO matter. Some people think family matters most, or their career, or their church or "platform". Some think that the earth matters most, life, nature, or sports. You name it, we all think something different from another and all our priorities are slightly or greatly different from one another's.
Anyway, to get to the main point of me writing this blog, I think that Tyler and I have a similar belief system when it comes to money. Oh sure there are differing priorities, but we both know that we think a lot alike when it comes to how to spend money or who to spend it on, etc.
For example, when it comes to helping other people we know and/or care about we are more than willing to spend money on them. Say we decide we want to go to dinner with the family, or with some close friends, and their company is worth more to us than our money and we have enough to share we will PAY FOR THEM to eat with us. We'll pay for friends/family to go see a movie with us, or we'll provide dinner or whatever it takes to spend time with these people. We have NEVER been "rich" or had plenty for our needs and wants. We have been comfortable for a short period of time and during that time we paid for anything for friends and family.
That time when we were doing fine financially we even bought the entire Christmas and food and tickets to a game for a single mom and her child. That was the greatest Christmas ever!! We've helped with bills and food and entertainment for those we care about. We'll loan out money, or just give it to them.
Now, we don't have ANY extra money. As a matter of fact we've been sued a couple of times now and there are just medical bills piling up by the week and, well, life is happening. Tyler DOES have a good-paying job so we do NOT qualify for state assistence in any way, but all our checks go to these people sueing us or surprise bills and to keep our utilities and phone and what-not from being shut off.
There are some people who have enough, or even don't have enough, who have helped us. God bless them for that. They are truly charitable people God will, and is, blessing. There are some who will NOT help. Why?
Well, here are the reasons I've heard from wealthier people in the past for not helping out people who struggle financially:
1. they think they are enabling them.
2. they think they are being taken advantage of
3. they know they'll never get paid back
4. they worked hard for what they have
5. they think the other person is lazy
6. they think it's a temporary fix for a more permanant problem
well, these are the basic reasons. I know more an can go on, but I don't want to. It kinda irritates me.
These people have turned into gods. No joking!! They have! Why? Well, because they are deciding what's best for the person who is in need. They are making judgments based on their limited knowledge and experience. They are being selfish, plain and simply put, and PRIDEFUL. They think they are BETTER than the people who are needy.
They think they work harder, are smarter, have better priorities, are wiser, deserve what they have, and that everything they have is THEIRS to KEEP and not required to give or share. They think that God obviously has blessed them with what they have because they DESERVE it, OR, they think they're THAT GOOD that they deserve it for all their ______ (fill in the blank with: hard word, wisdom, education, experience, intelligence, good inheritance, straight priorities and/or sacrifice).
But what if, for example, the table was turned and those with money had none or very little and those without money suddenly had what they needed or more than what they needed? What would change?
From my own personal experience, and based from what many, many others have mentioned to me before, that those without money now are the types of people who would GIVE FREELY of what they have to help those in need, and the wealthier people would blame themselves entirely for their want and need and sink into despairing depressions and probably commit suicide or be very, very angry and resentful people. The poor, now rich, people would help those who are needy and the needy and resentful people would be too prideful to accept the help offered, or would snatch it thinking they still deserved it and resent them all the same.
Not saying EVERYONE would be like this, of course!! Just an idea to think about is all.
I've known people who worked hard for years and became millionaires and flaunt what they have thinking it's all due to their hard work and nothing else, and then even those that work hard for years and become millionaires and then suddenly lose it all. They have the hardest adjustment going from rich to poor. They think that going from nice food to ramen noodles and bread and butter is the hardest think they've ever had to endure and they go on and on about it like "woe is me". Very few millionaires actually make it back down to POVERTY level.
Some of the nicest and best people I've EVER met have been those who have very little or nothing at all.
I know what I'm talking about here. I've LIVED in a third world country.
I've been VERY POOR most of my life, but it is nothing in comparison to what it's like living in a third world country. Believe me. You have NO IDEA WHATSOEVER of what POOR and POVERTY-STRICKEN is until you live among those who are afflicted with these.
Okay, on another thing to think about.
What would you do if you had this budget to go off of?:
1800.00 month income
car payment 250.00
Dr bills 200.00 month, minimum
Internet & phone 150.00
Food & Gasoline & Necessities 500-700.00
Rent/Mortgage 750.00
Utilities 150.00
Tithing 180.00
am I missing anything??
What if only one spouse can work? What if there is only one parent? What if both spouses are working or one is going to school and working or one to school and the other working? What if one is consistently sick/ill hence the reason for the high doctor bills and cannot keep a steady job? What if small children require mother to stay home? What if their priorities are DIFFERENT from yours and you have no good reason to judge but you see a financial problem here?
I'm sure you'd like to say "take this and this out, budget this, get more income" blah blah blah.
The truth is we all live in different incomes and different budgets for different reasons. We can judge and say, "they're foolish with their money" but how do you KNOW THAT for sure?? How can you judge that when you don't know what's in their heart, what they've worked out together to be their priorities, and who are you to decide what priorities are justified and what are wrong?
Pretty much God has said some very plain, basic and simple things FOR ALL PEOPLE to follow, and anybody who has common sense and can care about humanity and their fellow men can follow these simple rules, no matter who made them be it God or Aristotle or Budha.
Give to the poor.
Do not judge, it is God's place to judge.
Give to the needy.
Do not suffer anyone to go hungry or naked.
Share your talents, money, abilities, food, clothing, houses, all that you have with others to help them.
Do not kick people out of your "synagogues" (sp bad, sorry) because they are without.
Well, those are just a few things that God has said. I guess take them for what they are worth.
But really, if we are to hoard our money and judge those who don't live the same way we do then we'll never change. We'll always be devided into classes and there will always be pride and poverty.
And remember, above all else, that EVERYTHING EVERYTHING EVERYTHING you have is not yours, no matter how much you think it is, and that includes your income or inheritance. It is God's. We all were created equal. God does not esteem one man above another. And God gives to us so that we'll learn to give to others and accept what is given to us with gratefulness.
P.S. That is not our budget I have listed here. Just so ya know!