So things have been hard for us lately, no matter how optimistic we try to be, that's the truth. I know everybody struggles with things in their life that are hard at any given time, and sometimes we're blessed with breaks here and there I think, and other times we're blessed with really hard times that really can make or break a person depending on how they choose to accept it.
Right now things are very, very hard. I'm trying my best to be happy for the girls and Tyler and myself and others, and I know I greatly fall short of this, but I am doing my best and with the Lord's help I'm doing even better than I thought possible for myself.
Yesterday, after a bit of bad news here and there, I was home alone (for once lol) and felt it safe to let my emotions out for a few minutes and allowed myself to cry. Or better yet, the tears just came and I didn't have to worry about hiding them like usual.
So I bawled my eyes out and was feeling very weak (as some people have called me) and pathetic and just a little hopeless and started praying to help me feel strengthened somehow and to please bless me with any good news for a change or something to keep me going. I prayed to know if Heavenly Father was hearing me, was aware of what we are going through, and if I'm all alone or have support.
I went back out to my car where groceries were waiting in the trunk to be taken out and as I opened the trunk a car pulled up behind me. I turned and two members of my bishopric came out of the car.
I assumed they were looking for my parents, obviously, since this is their home, and felt really embarrassed that they caught me crying like an idiot. I told them nobody was home and where my dad was (at the church at the time, with my girls), and they said "we're here to see you".
They said they'd felt impressed to visit me.
They asked me how I was doing and I was actually kinda shocked at first and didn't really know what to say. Then I started to tell them a little bit about what was going on. They offered to help me with anything I needed. So I finally gave in and let them help me bring my groceries in, which was wonderful since the amount of pain I was in was a lot, and then my brother Josh showed up so we weren't alone in the house. It was so perfect. They asked what else they could do for me and I felt prompted to ask for a blessing. I received a blessing and a feeling of love enveloped me by the Lord. I felt comforted, loved, protected, understood, sheltered, and uplifted.
My testimony was strengthened last night as a result of this. I was feeling so sad and was asking Heavenly Father for anything, really, and he sent two angels to me right in the moment that I needed them most! He answered my prayer the instant I asked, and blessed me greatly!
I felt his love and I can tell you it was similar to what Alma the Younger said in the Book of Mormon in Alma 36:21: "Yea, I say unto you, my son, that there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you, my son, that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy."
Maybe my experience wasn't as grand, huge, and miraculous as Alma the Younger's was, but this is how I felt, or something very similar to it, and I know it was from my loving Heavenly Father.
God does love us. He is aware of what we are going through and what our needs are. He understands us. And, above all else, He is listening.
He heard my prayers and answered them, strengthening me, lifting me, and enveloping me with the compassion, love, and sympathy I so needed and only He can understand that I need, and needed, so much.
Thank you for blessing me with the Gift of the Holy Ghost and for my membership in God's Church where the Priesthood is real and alive and true.
So Lacie has her first loose tooth!! One of her little bottom teeth is very loose and the adult tooth is already coming out behind it. Yikes! You can also see the second adult tooth trying to push out next to it, and BOY are they crooked! Poor girl! Her baby teeth are PERFECT. They're pearly white, perfectly straight, and healthy! Now her new adult teeth are sure to be all crooked. But what can you expect with both parents having crooked teeth? haha.
She's in First Grade now and I cannot believe it! It's like it never quite sinks in how old my Lacie is getting. She's in school all day long now and I sure do miss her. But it's also nice cuz it gives me a little break to get a little more done during the day.
I was going to sign Sophie up for preschool but I just couldn't swallow paying so much money just to send her away and have someone else do for her what I should be doing, ya know? Maybe when she's Lacie's age she'll go to school, but for now she's happy being home with mommy and grandma.
I did sign the girls up for their very first dance class!!!! I'm SO excited! I've wanted to do this since I first found out I was having a girl. Seriously! This class teaches mostly Jazz but also a little Tumbling and Ballet and also Voice! I'm THRILLED. I've been looking for singing lessons/classes for my girls everywhere! They only go once a week, but that's plenty for now :). Next I need to figure out swimming lessons lol.
We've been LOVING having Skype!! Holy cow it's such a wonderful blessing having such advanced technology! If it wasn't for Skype we'd never get to talk and I don't even have an address to write to him so we'd have NO communication at all going on right now. So I'm SUPER grateful for Skype right now!
Of course Tyler's hours are 15 ahead of us, so trying to find a convenient time to talk to him is very, very difficult! He's asleep when I'm up and we're sleeping when he's up, or he's gone in his boring briefings for Inprocessing required by the Army during the day. *sigh*. And life goes on, right?
Once again our effort at trying to get pregnant has failed. I guess the Lord doesn't want to send more of His children down yet. It's not the right time, or place, either. But who knows, maybe there's a child waiting for adoption somewhere eh? That would be cool!
The paperwork and extra work I have to do now is just piling up and it's an enormous amount. It's so huge that it's intimidating me so it's been a little difficult to completely delve into it. My brain just can't concentrate like it used to and right now I've been mostly thinking about us going to Korea to join Tyler there. It's kinda consumed me, but I gotta just relax and completely trust in the Lord, ya know? Yeah, there might be evil men that do things to keep us from going over there, that's their choice and God can't force anybody, but for now I KNOW it's right for us to join him, it's just a matter of being patient and having faith and hope, and pulling the right strings.
Tyler's really anxious to get with his Unit and meet his Sponsor. I really hope things go smoothly for him there. So far they have, so that's a good sign. He was SO stressed about it all working out but now it seems to be so he can relax a little.
So life won't stop moving along even though things aren't exactly where we want them, and our kids keep growing up even though we don't want them to, not yet anyway. I wish I had more time with them while they're little. Before we know it they're grown and I wonder if we've taught them well enough, after all, it's a HUGE responsibility to teach our children the way they should go and how they should believe and hopefully they'll choose the right thanks to our teachings and examples. I do worry about this enough to remember to teach my children the Gospel and read the Scriptures to them and pray with them daily and take them to Church and sing Primary songs with them and more.
Okay enough rambling. This is longer than I meant it to be. As usual. :)
I cannot believe Tyler is GONE!
I talked to him a few minutes here and a few minutes there in between his flights. Poor guy was completely and entirely exhausted! He's in the air right now, on Delta, not even half-way to Korea yet.
I feel like doing NOTHING today. Funny huh?
My girls and I have been lounging around the house. Me in my PJ's and yes, I did get them dressed and fed, watching TV and wasting time on the good ol' PC.
I go between bouts of crying and just being numb so far.
I cannot wait to hear from him! I'm so anxious to find out what he finds out about our Command Sponsorship and Housing and a phone and Skype and all that other stuff to keep us connected. I also wonder where on earth he's going to be living!
The saying-goodbye thing is over, thank goodness, but it was so incredibly hard!
I bawled my eyes out and so did Lacie. She and I both cried all the way home. My poor brother Josh had to listen to it all, but I was glad he was there so I wasn't alone. I hate being alone, ya know? Just the way I am I guess, although I do like my time alone, too. Hmmm.
Anyway, Josh and Andrea got some good pics of us at the airport. I wonder if I'll ever be able to figure out how to get pictures on here like everyone does. lol. I'm just not that good at technology.
So there's a little update for now. I hope that things work out for us to be together soon! I hope I can talk to him soon, too! He'll be landing in Seoul Korea at 5:30am our time and 4:30pm his time on Wednesday. Craziness!!!
Wish us luck! As usual :)
