He's Listening

So things have been hard for us lately, no matter how optimistic we try to be, that's the truth. I know everybody struggles with things in their life that are hard at any given time, and sometimes we're blessed with breaks here and there I think, and other times we're blessed with really hard times that really can make or break a person depending on how they choose to accept it.
Right now things are very, very hard. I'm trying my best to be happy for the girls and Tyler and myself and others, and I know I greatly fall short of this, but I am doing my best and with the Lord's help I'm doing even better than I thought possible for myself.


Yesterday, after a bit of bad news here and there, I was home alone (for once lol) and felt it safe to let my emotions out for a few minutes and allowed myself to cry. Or better yet, the tears just came and I didn't have to worry about hiding them like usual.
So I bawled my eyes out and was feeling very weak (as some people have called me) and pathetic and just a little hopeless and started praying to help me feel strengthened somehow and to please bless me with any good news for a change or something to keep me going. I prayed to know if Heavenly Father was hearing me, was aware of what we are going through, and if I'm all alone or have support. 
I went back out to my car where groceries were waiting in the trunk to be taken out and as I opened the trunk a car pulled up behind me. I turned and two members of my bishopric came out of the car.
I assumed they were looking for my parents, obviously, since this is their home, and felt really embarrassed that they caught me crying like an idiot. I told them nobody was home and where my dad was (at the church at the time, with  my girls), and they said "we're here to see you". 
They said they'd felt impressed to visit me.


They asked me how I was doing and I was actually kinda shocked at first and didn't really know what to say. Then I started to tell them a little bit about what was going on. They offered to help me with anything I needed. So I finally gave in and let them help me bring my groceries in, which was wonderful since the amount of pain I was in was a lot, and then my brother Josh showed up so we weren't alone in the house. It was so perfect. They asked what else they could do for me and I felt prompted to ask for a blessing. I received a blessing and a feeling of love enveloped me by the Lord. I felt comforted, loved, protected, understood, sheltered, and uplifted.


My testimony was strengthened last night as a result of this. I was feeling so sad and was asking Heavenly Father for anything, really, and he sent two angels to me right in the moment that I needed them most! He answered my prayer the instant I asked, and blessed me greatly!
I felt his love and I can tell you it was similar to what Alma the Younger said in the Book of Mormon in Alma 36:21: "Yea, I say unto you, my son, that there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you, my son, that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy."
Maybe my experience wasn't as grand, huge, and miraculous as Alma the Younger's was, but this is how I felt, or something very similar to it, and I know it was from my loving Heavenly Father. 


God does love us. He is aware of what we are going through and what our needs are. He understands us. And, above all else, He is listening. 
He heard my  prayers and answered them, strengthening me, lifting me, and enveloping me with the compassion, love, and sympathy I so needed and only He can understand that I need, and needed, so much. 
Thank you for blessing me with the Gift of the Holy Ghost and for my membership in God's Church where the Priesthood is real and alive and true. 

An Update & Some Thoughts

So I didn't get the job at Convergys. Tyler and I both had a feeling that it wouldn't happen. I gave it my best and my all, but they chose another candidate. I just don't have Excel 100% down. I think I sucked on that part of the test lol.
Tyler's also been turned down for a LOT of jobs he's applied for. We've both applied for countless jobs already!! They all want SPECIFIC skills and stuff and some of it was just do not have. And the skills we do have the job had just been filled! Just bad timing.
So we are having a yard sale tomorrow at our place. We're selling our entire bedroom set, dining set, some shelves, a TV stand, a crib, clothes, vases, magnet board I made (it's so nice. I'll miss it), a printer, DVD rack that cost a lot, an amp, and more! I just think this is absolutely necessary. We have no other choice.
Even if either of us or both of us got a job right now it wouldn't be in time to pay the 1200.00 our bank wants. They'll repossess our truck next week and then sue us for everything we have, they said.
We really are in a bad spot. I know some people just don't believe that or realize that. It's the worst I've ever seen personally, at one time.
No money for food or gas, no money for phones, utilities, rent, internet, NOTHING. We HAVE to have internet for Tyler's school. And Tyler quitting school right now is NOT an option. He's on the Dean's List and is doing so well! With this schooling he'll be able to get valuable certificates to hopefully work at a hospital or doctor's office soon. That's his goal, anyway.
Getting a job that pays more than State benefits allow will screw us!! The only way we can survive is if Tyler or I are making a lot more than what we were making before. People don't seem to understand that.
They really don't.
We have THOUSANDS of dollars in medical debt that they all want paid immediately!! We've been sued FOUR TIMES in a month's time!!! Threatened to be sued two more times right now. 1 by the bank. The other Mountainland Collections. So yeah. We can't do it. We just can't.

Here's what we've been hoping for and planning for and working for:
Tyler and I are looking for part-time jobs for both of us. Not paying too much so that we can still get State benefits. It seems the wisest route for us for right now. Then we'll get on Housing (Section 8) in about 8-18 months. That'll help sooo much! Tyler will get certificates in 2-4 months that'll help him get a better job.
We're going to go to his school and speak with Financial Aid and see if we can't get more student loans to pay for our medical debt. We really don't know what else to do. Like paying 50.00 a month to like 25 different places is a LOT of money, ya know? But that's what they all want, or full payment, or they'll sue us. Get it?
Our bishop is offering absolutely NO help at all. Not for food or anything. I think he has the wrong opinion of us so we're going to meet with him on Sunday and explain to him EXACTLY what's going on.
I'm really tired of being misunderstood and misjudged by people who should understand.
You take one look at our situation and you automatically think, "they must be doing something wrong or did something wrong".
People have looked at my parents this same way.
It's just not right, period.
Some people CANNOT help their situation, no matter what!

Anyway, we're doing the best we can to better our circumstances and working hard to get ourselves into a better circumstance. I know there are MANY who are in much better circumstances than our own and what they're doing is more important than what we need. And still people judge others who struggle, like us.

"For behold, ye do love money and your substance, and your fine apparel, and the adorning of your churches, more than ye love the poor and the needy, the sick and the afflicted"
-Mormon 8:37

"But wo unto the rich, who are rich as to the things of the world. For because they are rich they despise the poor, and they persecute the meek, and their hearts are upon their treasures; wherefore, their treasure is their god. And behold, their treasure shall perish with them also."
-2 Nephi 9:30

"And now, for the sake of these things which I have spoken unto you - that is, for the sake of retaining a remission of your sings from day to day, that ye may walk guiltless before God - I would that ye should impart of your substance to the poor, every man according to that which he hath, such as feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, visiting the sick and administering to their relief, both spiritually and temporally, according to their wants."
-Mosiah 4:26

AND THEN THE MOST POINTED, STRONG AND UNMISTAKABLE SCRIPTURES OF ALL on this subject:
"And also, ye yourselves will succor those that stand in need of your succor; ye will administer of your substance unto him that standeth in need; and ye will not suffer that the beggar putteth up his petition to you in vain, and turn him out to perish.
"PERHAPS THOU SHALT SAY: THE MAN HAS BROUGHT UPON HIMSELF HIS MISERY; THEREFORE I WILL STAY MY HAND, AND WILL NOT GIVE UNTO HIM OF MY FOOD, NOR IMPART UNTO HIM OF MY SUBSTANCE THAT HE MAY NOT SUFFER, FOR HIS PUNISHMENTS ARE JUST -
"But I say unto you, O man, whosever doeth this the same hath great cause to repent; and except he repenteth of that which he hath done he perisheth forever, and hath no interest in the kingdon of God.
"For behold, ARE WE NOT ALL BEGGARS? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have, for both food and raiment, and gold, and for silver, and for all the riches we have of every kind?
"And now, if God, who has created you, ON WHOM YOU ARE DEPENDENT FOR YOUR LIVES AND FOR ALL THAT YE HAVE AND ARE, doth grant unto you whatsoever ye ask that is right, in faith, believing that ye shall receive, O then, how ye ought to impart of the substance that ye have one to another.
"AND IF YE JUDGE THE MAN WHO PUTTETH UP HIS PETITION TO YOU FOR YOUR SUBSTANCE TAHT HE PERISH NOT, AND CONDEMN HIM, HOW MUCH MORE JUST WILL BE YOUR CONDEMNATION FOR WITHHOLDING YOUR SUBSTANCE, WHICH DOTH NOT BELONG TO YOU BUT TO GOD, TO WHOM ALSO YOUR LIFE BELONGETH; AND YET YE PUT UP NO PETITION, NOR REPENT OF THE THING WHICH THOU HAST DONE.
"I say unto you, wo be unto that man, for his substance shall perish with him; and now, I say these things unto those who are rich as pertaining to the things of this world."
Mosiah 4:16-19, 21-23

These are scriptures from God. I don't care what or who you believe in, these are true and good things that we should follow.
I know I was raised to believe and feel this way, especially since I was raised in such a poor home with caring parents who did everything they could to provide for us.
I was also shown what it's like to have very rich people surround me and my family who will not help except conditionally. They loan things. And then expect repayment and sometimes even with interest attached. How is that charitable? How is that what Heavenly Father would want for us to do to each other? How can you feel right about doing that, especially if it's family??

How can you watch people suffer so much and say "it's their fault, they shouldn't have boughten that car" or "they did it to themselves, she should've been working to help instead of staying home with their children, so it's their fault" or "they just want attention and an easy way out" or "they're only going to go spend it on something stupid, like go out to eat or alcohol or to pay for that new couch they have".

How do you KNOW that?

And it's not up to you to judge to whom your money goes to with all these conditions. If someone NEEDS it GIVE IT!!

I hate hearing people, especially Christian's, say, "That beggar is a worthless SOB. He's just a lazy drunk and probably makes more than I do" and then walk on by him and ignore him while he sits in the dirty street with a sign or a cup, imploring our help.

My husband and I, and my family, have always been charitable to give to others, even if it's all we had in our pockets to give, we still give it. We know what it's like to be poor and needy! We're here right now!!!

I also remember that story from the Bible that says that lady who gave her two coins and it was ALL she had. It was worth far less than what others were giving, but to God it was worth waaaaay more than what the others were giving because it was all she had!! The other wealthier people only gave some change pretty much, in comparison to their incomes or posessions.

You know, until you know exactly what is going on in people's lives and with their circumstances and especially what's in their hearts and minds, then don't judge them! Don't think or say to yourself that they deserve it or ask for it or NEED it or this is "their learning time" and leave them alone thinking they'll work it out or they deserve it for their choices they've made or whatever!!!

How do you justify that?

Anyway, there you go. I have much deeper thoughts about this and can be sooo much bolder with it in my opinions and thoughts.

I've seen too much to be ignorant on this topic.

okay, back to our life.
Here's to hoping God has mercy on us before we end up homeless.

Quit The Mormon Church

Originally published on Special Bulletin on January 31, 2009, here's Quit The Mormon Church:

I have been thinking of quitting the “Mormon Church.” Yes, if I can, I am going to get even with that church.

As soon as I can find another church that teaches about the Gathering ofthe House of Israel; the return of the Ten Tribes and their mission; there turn of the Jews to Palestine and why, and how they are going to build the temple;
the building of temples and what to do with them;
the mission of Elias, the prophet, as predicted by Malachi;
the method for the salvation of the people that died at the time of Noah in the flood;
the origin of the American Indian;
the complete explanation of why Jesus of Nazareth had to have a mortal mother but not a mortal father;
the explanation of the three degrees of glory (three heavens) as mentioned by Paul;
the complete explanation of why Elias and Moses did not die but had to be translated (since they both lived before the resurrection was introduced by Christ);
the restoration of the gospel by modern revelation as promised by Peter and Paul and Jesus himself;
the belief in eternal marriage and the family, and the knowledge and the place to seal for eternity;
that teaches abstinence from all harmful drugs and foods ;
and that sells the best fire insurance policy on earth, for the last days, for only a 10th of my income.

Yes sir, as soon as I can find another church that teaches all that, or even half as much, I will say good-bye to this Mormon Church.

The church that I am looking for must also be able to motivate 50,000+ youth, and adults, for the first, second or third time, to leave their homes for two years at their own expense and go to far-away places to teach and preach without salary.

It must be able to call, on a frosty day, some 5 or 6 thousand professors, students, lawyers, doctors, judges, policemen, businessmen, housewives and children to go and pick apples at 6 a. m.

It must be able to call meetings and get the attention for two hours of more than 150,000 men.

Yes, it must also teach and show why salvation isassured for children who die before eight years of age.

Could you help me find a church that teaches all that and hundreds of other doctrines and principles, which I have no room to mention here, and which brings solace and comfort to the soul;
peace, hope, and salvation to mankind, and above all, that answers the key questions that all the great philosophers have asked; questions and answers that explain the meaning of life, the purpose of death, suffering and pain;
the absolute need for a Redeemer and the marvelous plan conceived and executed by Jesus Christ the Savior?

Yes, as soon as I find another church that teaches that, and also that has the organization and the powers to make that teaching effective, I am going to quit the Mormon Church.

For I should not tolerate that “they” should change a few words in the Book of Mormon-even if those changes simply improve the grammar and the syntax of the verses - for, after all, don’t you think the Divine Church should employ angels as book makers, and clerks, to do all the chores on earth?

Don’t you think, Mr. Editor, that the Divine Church should also have prophets that don’t get sick and don’t get old and die, and certainly, that don’t make a goof here and there?

No, sir!

A Divine Church should be so divine that only perfect people should belong to it, and only perfect people should run it.
As a matter of fact, the Church should be so perfect that it should not even be here on earth!

So, I repeat, if any one of the kind readers of this imperfect letter knows about another church that teaches and does as much for mankind as the Mormon Church, please let me know. And please do it soon, because my turn to go to the cannery is coming up.

Also, “they” want my last son (the fifth one) to go away for two years and again, I have to pay for all that. And I also know that they expect me to go to the farm to prune trees, and I have heard that our ward is going to be divided again, and it is our side that must build the new chapel.

And also, someone the other day had the gall of suggesting that my wife and I get ready to go on a second mission, and when you come back, they said, you can volunteer as a temple worker.

Boy, these Mormons don’t leave you alone for a minute. And what do I get for all that, I asked? “Well,” they said, “for one, you can look forward to a funeral service at no charge!” Do you think you can help me to find another church?

Thomas D. Clark

[KLP: Check out http://mormon.org for more information about "ThisMormon Church" or more specifically, The Church of Jesus Christ ofLatter-Day Saints.]

Who, And What, Is God

I've been wanting and thinking and feeling that I should write about God. So I'll do that today, being Sunday, and I feel that it's appropriate for the Sabbath.

The first and most important thing we must come to learn, understand, believe in and accept is the knowledge of God, who he is, how he is, and how that relates to and affects us as individuals and as a whole.

Over time God has had many different names and identities to all people. Everybody sees him in a different light and level of belief.

Where did God come from? When and where did the idea of God first come from anyway?

There are many different books of scripture (Holy Word) that come from "the beginning of time" or the "beginning of all things" or just the "beginning of this world".

History books and stories, legends and ghost stories all take us back to the belief of a God, or gods, and Lucifer, or Satan, the Devil, the Adversary, the Fallen Star, etc.

These are the most ancient and legendary stories of all.

Men throughout time have changed, made up, written, told, believed and dreamed up stories about God and the Adversary.

So which books are true?

Well, that's for you to decide, based on two things: Logic & Feeling.

Now, the most basic and logical beliefs of God, from my personal opinion and based on scripture, are as follows:

God Lives; he is live and living (Gen 1:27; Ex 31:18; Luke 24:39; John 14:9; D&C 130:1; D&C 130:22; Mosiah 7:27).

God is Immortal and does not change (Psa 102:27; Heb 13:8; Moroni 10:7; D&C 20:11-12; D&C 76:4).

God knows all things (Jer 1:5; Acts 2:23; 1 Nephi 9:6; 2 Nephi 2:24; W of M 1:7; Abr 2:8).

God is glorious (Ex 24:7; Num 14:21; Ps 19:1; Isa 40:5; Matt 6:13; Luke 2:9; Luke 9:32; John 1:14; Philip 4:20; Titus 2:13; 2 Nephi 12:19; Mosiah 4:12; D&C 4:5; Moses 1:5).

God is intelligent (Isa 55:8; D&C 88:41; Abr 3:19).

God loves (Deut 7:8; Isa 63:7; Jer 31:3; Mal 1:2; John 3:16; John 13:1; 1 Jn 3:1; 2 Nephi 1:15; Alma 13:29; 4 Nephi 1:15; D&C 95:1; D&C 138:3).

God is merciful (Ex 34:6; Deut 4:31; 2 Sam 24:14; Ps 69:16; Ps 116:5; Isa 49:15; Eph 2:4; Titus 3:5; James 5:11; 2 Nephi 4:26; 2 Nephi 9:8; Alma 9:26; Alma 42:15; Moroni 8:19; D&C 84:102).

God is perfect (Deut 32:4; 2 Sam 22:31; Matt 5:48; Heb 5:9; Heb 6:18; James 1:13).

God is powerful (Gen 17:1; 1 Sam 14:6; Jer 32:17; Jer 51:15; Matt 8:26; Matt 19:26; Matt 28:18; John 10:18; Heb 1:3; 1 Nephi 4:1; Mosiah 4:9; Alma 26:35; Hel 12:11; D&C 61:1).

God is wise (Job 36:5; Ps 136:5; 1 Cor 3:19; 2 Nephi 9:8; Jacob 4:10; Mosiah 4:9; Alma 26:35; D&C 9:3; D&C 10:43; D&C 76:2).

So we've been taught and shown that God knows all things, comprehends all things, loves, has mercy and justice, is wise intelligent, all-powerful, perfect, immortal and created all things and commands all things.

Pretty much, everything is up to God. Everything depends on GOD. God gives all life, all understanding, all intelligence, all things, and is the only way we can obtain salvation.

God does not make mistakes. God cannot lie (Num 23:19; Titus 1:2; Enos 1:6). God is not a God of confusion (1 Cor 14:33). God would not lead his children away, or tempt them to do that which is wrong and evil. God does not create evil. God does not waver or change, and is the creator of all things good, even all the commandments and the only way to salvation and Eternal life, peace, happiness and joy.

God is our father. We are his children.

If we love God, we will keep ALL his commandments, not just what suits us. We cannot assume that anything God says can be how we want to take it. If God says to do one thing or another or anything it is a commandment, logically speaking.

God also does not force. He has given us "free will", or free agency. He cannot make a good man do that which is bad or good, and cannot make a bad man do that which is bad or good. He cannot stop a murderer from murdering if it has to be stopped by force. God has power over all things BUT OUR WILLS. Our wills are the only thing we have complete control over. It is the ONLY thing we can give God. He cannot take it away. Man may try, the Adversary may try, but God will not try.

This is why bad things happen to good people. God has to allow wicked people to do what they want because he cannot force them otherwise. What they do in this life will be held against them in the next (at Judgement Day). Bad things that people do stand as a witness against them on Judgement Day. And those of us who witness or are victims to another's wicked behavior will stand as witnesses against them as well.

Because God cannot lie he will not teach false doctrine to anyone. He will not tell one man to do one thing and another man to do another. That is contradictory, and that which contradicts is a lying thing by nature.

God knows all things. He has all truth. And only through God can we obtain all truth. God will give it, because he has to in order to save us. AFter all, we cannot be saved in ignorance (Eph 4:18; D&C 131:6), and God knowing this has provided ways and means for us to obtain all that we need in this life to return to Him and live with Him for all Eternity, and with our families. God will not save a man who is willfully ignorant (3 Nephi 6:18). When we know the will and teachings of God and do them not then we are being willfully ignorant, rebelliously ignorant. God will not have mercy on us when we are like this. He would be a liar if he did. He will not save everyone just through his mercies, because there is justice that must be satisfied (Ex 23:7; Prov 17:15; James 2:21). We have to be proven in our works and in our faith, not just our faith in His mercies.

We cannot just live our life in ignorance, willfully disobeying God's commands, and suppose that we will be saved because of our faith in his mercy. That is not how God is or works.

I know what I have shared here to be true. May God's Spirit speak the truth of it to you. I pray you will understand, or want to understand and search these scriptures yourself, pray about it, and believe it.

This is the first and most important thing we all must come to know at some time in our life. And we must live our life in accordance with this knowledge if we wish to be saved in the Kingdom of God forever.