Changes............ For the Good

So, yesterday I saw my midwife who checked me over and set me up for an ultrasound of my (code word now) B. I have feeling there isn't anything. I think it's just that the weight I'm gaining is being weird where it goes hahaha. But I don't know. My ultrasound is on Monday and I PRAY it's a woman and not a man that does it! Yipes! But at least Tyler will be there so if the dude steps a hair out of line I'm sure he'll kick his trash for me :D hee hee.
So things aren't better around here. My doctor did do something nice for me. I ran out of my Synthroid and I think that because I've run out and been taking it wrong is why I've been gaining lots of weight, getting tired and sluggish, etc. So, he sent over permission for me to get the generic brand instead so it's only 4.00 bucks at the Walmart Pharmacy instead of 40.00!!!! So we got some today. We had 6 bucks left so just enough with 2 bucks to spare! Yes! Our prayer was answered last night.
Also, y'all know that Tyler's been seriously considering the military, right? Well, the Air Force is a definite NO because they're soooooo picky about who they let in, and all military branches reached their quota early in the year so they're being especially picky about who they let in. Tyler's past is still haunting him in the present and will be hung over his head for the remainder of his life here. It's unfortunate, but a natural consequence. I hate seeing people be stupid with their outrageously rebellious actions and attitudes. They're killing themselves and their families with their selfish actions, behaviors and attitudes.
So we have met with the Utah National Guard and the Army. We know that recruiters don't tell everything to you straight, especially when they're really desperate to get recruits, but the most recent recruiter we met with seemed as straight as they can get with his answers to us. He's with the Army Reserve. Tyler is considering going Active Duty with the United States Army. THE ARMY ARMY!!!! Yipes!!!! His background pictures on his PC is of Army dudes in full battle gear holding their M16's. LOL. He's sooo hiped!!
Well, they let him pass the first part. The part where his background was making it impossible to enter the Air Force. So we just heard that today and Tyler is SO excited. I am a bit, too. I'm happy to hear that they'll look past that.
Tyler will be taking the practice ASVAB in the recruiters office on Tuesday sometime, then right after that then he'll go up to SLC to take the real thing then he'll pick his job, get a physical, and get a huge background check done, then sign up and he'll be officially enlisted in the US Army!!! WOW.

Here's what's new with me besides the B thing.
I've gained 20 POUNDS in 3 WEEKS. In the last 3 months I've gained over 40 lbs!!! I am the heaviest I have ever been.
I am completely disgusted with myself. And very disappointed. I know that most of it is not my fault, and I also know that most people will not believe that, especially those that are naturally skinny and/or naturally healthy.
I know I used to judge people that I didn't know for being heavy/fat and I would think they were trying to "pass the buck" by saying "it's health issues". Well I know for sure now that there are valid cases where health issues made someone gain weight and which makes it harder and harder to lose it. Sure, there are those few who are lazy and sit around and eat crap all day that get fat THEN get sick, but it seems that those who get sick THEN fat are automatically put into that group of "you're fat cuz you're lazy and eat crappy" group just for how they look.
SO, after all that blabbing from me, I'm tired of being judged like this. I'm tired of people looking down on me.
But, I also am tired of how I feel. I am tired of my gut being in my way and feeling tired after I go up and down stairs, and tired after cleaning a room in the house.
So, along with Tyler, I am going to start working out. We are going to jog every night or every other night and do other work outs on the days we don't jog/run. We're going to cut sugar out of our diets (and that includes drinks) because everyone that has any sense will know that SUGAR MAKES PEOPLE FAT. DUH!!! lol
It doesn't matter what your genes are, if you eat sugar every day you're gonna gain weight, UNLESS you're very, very active like I used to be.
Being skinny came so so easy to me. I could eat whatever I wanted and as much of it as I wanted to because of everything I used to do, AND, because I was healthy!!
You know what drives me nuts? Seeing parents feeding their kids fast foods and pop and sugary drinks, candy, just plain ol' junk food, starting them with a lifetime of obesity or just plain heaviness. I know I grew up in a house where these foods were an extreme rarity. Us kids were all skinny and very fit and healthy. I rarely ever had to see the doctor growing up, none of us kids did. My parents were not perfect, but they did a LOT of things so right for us. They taught us how to have testimonies of our own which you cannot put a price on and I am Eternally indebted to them and owe my life to them for that and number two they raised us healthy. They encouraged sports, cleaning/chores, good eating and good habits. Because I have a horrible sugar tooth, I would sneak and buy my own junk food every day from the time I was 9 or 10 and on up until this day. WOW that's been stupid. All the wasted money!!
So, Lacie seems to have the same sugar addiction issues I do so we want to try to train her while young that sugar is BAD. Plus, it makes her act bad.
Anyway, I want to make some changes in my life. I have a LONG LONG LONG way to go and this is incredibly hard but I HAVE to do it!! I feel that Satan is keeping me low to prevent me from fulfilling my mission in life and I have to fight it!
In this process I will NEED desperately encouragement from my friends and family. I will need the support necessary to help me not give up or quit. I am not invincible but need constant support. That's just the way it is. It's very difficult.
I'm NOT going to "cheat" and get vit B shots or hcg shots or take diet pills of ANY kind, etc., etc. I want to do this 100% naturally. The reason for this is so that I can feel better about myself and be able to say that I did it all by myself and so that I can form healthy and positive habits so I won't fall back into old bad habits.

If anybody wants to work out with me or run with us PLEASE do so!!!! If anybody wants to contribute healthy shakes/smoothies, simple healthy meal plans, or any words of encouragement, please contribute! Please email me here or call me or whatever.
Also, if anybody wants to give their advice for which branch of military to do please tell us! We need input!! And Also, Active Duty or Reserves??

okay, me signing off now. We're going to go jog around our park tonight with the girls in our non-jogging stroller.

An Update & Some Thoughts

So I didn't get the job at Convergys. Tyler and I both had a feeling that it wouldn't happen. I gave it my best and my all, but they chose another candidate. I just don't have Excel 100% down. I think I sucked on that part of the test lol.
Tyler's also been turned down for a LOT of jobs he's applied for. We've both applied for countless jobs already!! They all want SPECIFIC skills and stuff and some of it was just do not have. And the skills we do have the job had just been filled! Just bad timing.
So we are having a yard sale tomorrow at our place. We're selling our entire bedroom set, dining set, some shelves, a TV stand, a crib, clothes, vases, magnet board I made (it's so nice. I'll miss it), a printer, DVD rack that cost a lot, an amp, and more! I just think this is absolutely necessary. We have no other choice.
Even if either of us or both of us got a job right now it wouldn't be in time to pay the 1200.00 our bank wants. They'll repossess our truck next week and then sue us for everything we have, they said.
We really are in a bad spot. I know some people just don't believe that or realize that. It's the worst I've ever seen personally, at one time.
No money for food or gas, no money for phones, utilities, rent, internet, NOTHING. We HAVE to have internet for Tyler's school. And Tyler quitting school right now is NOT an option. He's on the Dean's List and is doing so well! With this schooling he'll be able to get valuable certificates to hopefully work at a hospital or doctor's office soon. That's his goal, anyway.
Getting a job that pays more than State benefits allow will screw us!! The only way we can survive is if Tyler or I are making a lot more than what we were making before. People don't seem to understand that.
They really don't.
We have THOUSANDS of dollars in medical debt that they all want paid immediately!! We've been sued FOUR TIMES in a month's time!!! Threatened to be sued two more times right now. 1 by the bank. The other Mountainland Collections. So yeah. We can't do it. We just can't.

Here's what we've been hoping for and planning for and working for:
Tyler and I are looking for part-time jobs for both of us. Not paying too much so that we can still get State benefits. It seems the wisest route for us for right now. Then we'll get on Housing (Section 8) in about 8-18 months. That'll help sooo much! Tyler will get certificates in 2-4 months that'll help him get a better job.
We're going to go to his school and speak with Financial Aid and see if we can't get more student loans to pay for our medical debt. We really don't know what else to do. Like paying 50.00 a month to like 25 different places is a LOT of money, ya know? But that's what they all want, or full payment, or they'll sue us. Get it?
Our bishop is offering absolutely NO help at all. Not for food or anything. I think he has the wrong opinion of us so we're going to meet with him on Sunday and explain to him EXACTLY what's going on.
I'm really tired of being misunderstood and misjudged by people who should understand.
You take one look at our situation and you automatically think, "they must be doing something wrong or did something wrong".
People have looked at my parents this same way.
It's just not right, period.
Some people CANNOT help their situation, no matter what!

Anyway, we're doing the best we can to better our circumstances and working hard to get ourselves into a better circumstance. I know there are MANY who are in much better circumstances than our own and what they're doing is more important than what we need. And still people judge others who struggle, like us.

"For behold, ye do love money and your substance, and your fine apparel, and the adorning of your churches, more than ye love the poor and the needy, the sick and the afflicted"
-Mormon 8:37

"But wo unto the rich, who are rich as to the things of the world. For because they are rich they despise the poor, and they persecute the meek, and their hearts are upon their treasures; wherefore, their treasure is their god. And behold, their treasure shall perish with them also."
-2 Nephi 9:30

"And now, for the sake of these things which I have spoken unto you - that is, for the sake of retaining a remission of your sings from day to day, that ye may walk guiltless before God - I would that ye should impart of your substance to the poor, every man according to that which he hath, such as feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, visiting the sick and administering to their relief, both spiritually and temporally, according to their wants."
-Mosiah 4:26

AND THEN THE MOST POINTED, STRONG AND UNMISTAKABLE SCRIPTURES OF ALL on this subject:
"And also, ye yourselves will succor those that stand in need of your succor; ye will administer of your substance unto him that standeth in need; and ye will not suffer that the beggar putteth up his petition to you in vain, and turn him out to perish.
"PERHAPS THOU SHALT SAY: THE MAN HAS BROUGHT UPON HIMSELF HIS MISERY; THEREFORE I WILL STAY MY HAND, AND WILL NOT GIVE UNTO HIM OF MY FOOD, NOR IMPART UNTO HIM OF MY SUBSTANCE THAT HE MAY NOT SUFFER, FOR HIS PUNISHMENTS ARE JUST -
"But I say unto you, O man, whosever doeth this the same hath great cause to repent; and except he repenteth of that which he hath done he perisheth forever, and hath no interest in the kingdon of God.
"For behold, ARE WE NOT ALL BEGGARS? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have, for both food and raiment, and gold, and for silver, and for all the riches we have of every kind?
"And now, if God, who has created you, ON WHOM YOU ARE DEPENDENT FOR YOUR LIVES AND FOR ALL THAT YE HAVE AND ARE, doth grant unto you whatsoever ye ask that is right, in faith, believing that ye shall receive, O then, how ye ought to impart of the substance that ye have one to another.
"AND IF YE JUDGE THE MAN WHO PUTTETH UP HIS PETITION TO YOU FOR YOUR SUBSTANCE TAHT HE PERISH NOT, AND CONDEMN HIM, HOW MUCH MORE JUST WILL BE YOUR CONDEMNATION FOR WITHHOLDING YOUR SUBSTANCE, WHICH DOTH NOT BELONG TO YOU BUT TO GOD, TO WHOM ALSO YOUR LIFE BELONGETH; AND YET YE PUT UP NO PETITION, NOR REPENT OF THE THING WHICH THOU HAST DONE.
"I say unto you, wo be unto that man, for his substance shall perish with him; and now, I say these things unto those who are rich as pertaining to the things of this world."
Mosiah 4:16-19, 21-23

These are scriptures from God. I don't care what or who you believe in, these are true and good things that we should follow.
I know I was raised to believe and feel this way, especially since I was raised in such a poor home with caring parents who did everything they could to provide for us.
I was also shown what it's like to have very rich people surround me and my family who will not help except conditionally. They loan things. And then expect repayment and sometimes even with interest attached. How is that charitable? How is that what Heavenly Father would want for us to do to each other? How can you feel right about doing that, especially if it's family??

How can you watch people suffer so much and say "it's their fault, they shouldn't have boughten that car" or "they did it to themselves, she should've been working to help instead of staying home with their children, so it's their fault" or "they just want attention and an easy way out" or "they're only going to go spend it on something stupid, like go out to eat or alcohol or to pay for that new couch they have".

How do you KNOW that?

And it's not up to you to judge to whom your money goes to with all these conditions. If someone NEEDS it GIVE IT!!

I hate hearing people, especially Christian's, say, "That beggar is a worthless SOB. He's just a lazy drunk and probably makes more than I do" and then walk on by him and ignore him while he sits in the dirty street with a sign or a cup, imploring our help.

My husband and I, and my family, have always been charitable to give to others, even if it's all we had in our pockets to give, we still give it. We know what it's like to be poor and needy! We're here right now!!!

I also remember that story from the Bible that says that lady who gave her two coins and it was ALL she had. It was worth far less than what others were giving, but to God it was worth waaaaay more than what the others were giving because it was all she had!! The other wealthier people only gave some change pretty much, in comparison to their incomes or posessions.

You know, until you know exactly what is going on in people's lives and with their circumstances and especially what's in their hearts and minds, then don't judge them! Don't think or say to yourself that they deserve it or ask for it or NEED it or this is "their learning time" and leave them alone thinking they'll work it out or they deserve it for their choices they've made or whatever!!!

How do you justify that?

Anyway, there you go. I have much deeper thoughts about this and can be sooo much bolder with it in my opinions and thoughts.

I've seen too much to be ignorant on this topic.

okay, back to our life.
Here's to hoping God has mercy on us before we end up homeless.

Santa Clause came last night!!

So guess what? Santa Clause came to our house last night!!

It was a total shock and surprise!! It was our bishop and his wife. I guess because they're the only ones that know our entire situation, despite what I write on here, they knew what we needed. They delivered two HUGE bags of wrapped gifts for the girls! They labeled everything, which is GREAT. The girls got 2 toys each and dresses, pajamas, socks and underwear and gift cards to Payless. PERFECT!! Just what we needed!

And, they also brought a big, round laundry basket full of food for Christmas!! YUMMY!!! Of course when people help us like this we feel guilty. It's hard not to, ya know? We didn't ask for it... but we DO appreciate it!

Anyway, I'm so grateful for that help and surprise! It was SO NICE!!