Well things are not working out at Tyler's job, afterall. Either he has to stay there and get LESS than his unemployment or quit and keep his unemployment or have nothing coming in at all!
Talk about getting screwed!!
His boss and nice and all and likes Tyler and wants to keep him, but this is the deal.
He has cut out ALL driving time in pay, and Tyler does a LOT of driving!!!
We're talking 2-3 hours or more of driving per night! PLUS, the gas!
He has to drive to Murray and then from there to Riverdale. VERY FAR. It's not worth it! He spends 100+ in gas in his truck a week, at the minimum. That's more than a hundred from each puny check. It's 4.25 an hour less than what he was making at his previous job, and frankly, that wasn't even enough for us to get by. We have too many bills and debts to get as little as he's getting. We're sinking again and it's really frustrating. And now without a car for me I cannot work the job I have so I've practically been demoted and from what I can tell she's finding someone to take my place. So yeah. That's the end of that. Without a car I CANNOT do that job.
My brother gave us a car, which is was good brothers do, the only thing is it needs a part we have to order that will take a week and Tyler's never home to order it let alone install it!!!!
He's gone from 5:30 at night until 7 or 8:am the next day. He sleeps from then until about 4:00 or 5:00. So yeah, that's how much time he gets to do other things (1 hour!!!!). It's IMPOSSIBLE to work with, and for the tiny wage that he's getting it's not worth it!!
"a job is a job" does not work when it's not making a difference and it's actually making things worse.
Plus he's gone Friday and Saturday and Sunday nights to school and work. It's just ridiculous!! So no dates, no FHE, no running errands, NOTHING.
If he was making decent money then I wouldn't mind! I WOULD NOT MIND. But he is not.
He HATES it. I have encouraged him to keep the job and try to make it work but he does NOT want to go. He does NOT want to be there making jack squat, driving all over the place for nothing, and being around really foul-mouthed, drug-addicted, smoking & drinking and porn-watching men for hours at a time and only getting paid for 2/3 of the time with them, or less.
I guess we're going to see what happens. He's talking to Department of Workforce Services and, well, he may not have a choice.
Until he can find a better job we just may be screwed for a while longer.
This is totally unfair. GRRRRR.
Oh, and btw, he doesn't even work 40 hours a week!!! So it's not even possible to get overtime. With all the hours he's gone he doesn't get paid for all of them. Last night was 6 hours but we was gone ALLLLLLLLLL night long and all morning long!! The night before it was 8 hours and he was gone way longer than that. So pretty much this is a waste!!!!
And you know what sucks? If he QUITS he loses all of his benefits!! Then we'll for sure be out everything. We won't have a truck anymore, or food, or a house, or phones, internet, NOTHING. We'll be homeless.
And who cares?
Well, nobody who could help anyway.
I guess those who think they know better than us and think they are smarter than us have a million ideas as to what we can do and why we're where we're at, but if the tables were turned I'm sure you wouldn't be a cent off better than we are because if it's one thing Tyler and I are NOT it is being stupid.
Okay there was my little vent and frustration.
There has been a lot more that has happened lately, and none of it has been good news. Okay ONE bit of good news. Tyler MIGHT have a job up in Layton working at the Hill Air Force Base making better money than he was with Gunther's Comfort Air. PLEASE PLEASE PRAY EARNESTLY THAT HE GETS THIS JOB!!!!!!!! Unless, of course, our Heavenly Father has other plans and sais NO.
Which has been his answer to every question we've asked so far ;)
So Tyler's cousin, Jake, passed away the week of Memorial Day. It was an awful and torturous week for us. Not just for Jake's sudden tragic and fatal condition, but the repercussions of hurt feelings forced back towards me. I cannot write about them here for fear of being sued or other such nonsense, so please just write me privately if you are curious.
The stress of Jake and his passing put Tyler and I physically ill. We had to have a bathroom close at hand. I'm still not better. I NEVER throw up but did so surprisingly one morning. No, it was no morning sickness, though I really sincerely wish it was.
Even my very honest Grandma Pearson noticed how dark under my eyes have gotten.
(bad grammar, I know, sorry).
So with our car being repossessed, no luck finding jobs for either of us (and YES we've applied at fast food joins, temporary jobs, everything!!!!!!!) and Tyler's truck being uninsured and the window breaking out and the fuel tank or pump breaking, among other things, and running out of food at the end of the month, every month..... okay I won't go on. It's just kinda pathetic and is just getting me more down to have to say it all. Let's just say that it's as low as it can get, or almost there anyway.
Our landlady served us an eviction letter to be out within 3 days. Out of desperation we called our bishop and asked if he could help. Thank you for our faithfulness in the Gospel because our entire rent was covered or we would honestly be in the homeless shelter in Provo. We actually went down there and met with a bishop of the place (not a religious person) and got the list of things we have to get together for next month when we will more than likely be evicted so that we can move in. That was enormous stress added to our heap of stress.
We have been sued FIVE TIMES now from doctors.
And my health isn't getting better. Sure you can think I'm some whiny person who asks for it or makes it up or whatever, but the fact of the matter is I have REAL issues and they've come to me in a very, very, very short amount of time!!! Why do you think I am so fat and look so awful?? DUH!!
Anybody who knew me, REALLY KNEW ME, would know that I was a very active, healthy, busy, hard-working and never-resting type of person. I was successful at everything I did. Nothing slowed me down. Not my endometriosis, breaking my leg, e-coli that nearly killed me, or anything. But when it's too much, IT'S TOO MUCH.
I feel like I am bearing more than I am able to and it's showing in so many ways.
My biggest concern is my family's well-being. I feel like a failure of a mother and Housewife. I want to be that housewife that can cook every meal and keep a schedule and a very clean house. I want to be that housewife that can teach her children the gospel and their school subjects. I want to be that housewife that has the energy to do normal things. But I am in constant pain and it is only getting worse.
ANYWAY!!!!!! Enough about me already!!!!!!
I am very deeply concerned about Lacie right now.
She's only 5 yrs old, almost 5 1/2. She's got to be one of the strongest and most perfect and special people I have ever known.
As a little background as to why I think this about her.
When she was born she would not cry. They tried and tried but she was 100% healthy and didn't want to cry. She looked at the nurses like "alright leave me alone, I'm just fine. Give me to my mother". As soon as I held her she just stared up into my eyes forever! She made eye contact with me and I knew right then that she was a very choice, strong and special spirit, older than I am, that God blessed me to be the mother of.
She never cried. She was the most perfect baby!!! It's been difficult to tell whenever she's sick or hurt because she won't complain about it. Not usually.
She suffered a severe seizure when she was just 2 years old. Perhaps some of you Pearson's will remember because it was the night of the Pearson Christmas reunion at uncle Kim's and aunt Marylou's. We stopped off at my inlaw's house. Anyway, she got her head slammed in a door and she already had a fever and it spiked. The impact, coupled with the spiked fever, sent her into a 45 minute seizure. She actually stopped breathing when I got to her! She was as limp as death when I held her and I panicked. I was pregnant with Sophie, due in mid-March. Lacie's little lips turned blue. Tyler called 911 and Tyler's dad, Gary, a previous EMT raced to her aid and saved her life. The Paramedics got there quickly but it still took them about 20-30 minutes since Saratoga Springs is so far from Lehi and American Fork. I rode with her in the ambulance. She re-gained consciousness in the ambulance but lay still.
In the hospital, as she lay in her bed and the entire family was in the ER gabbing away, Tyler and I saw her weakly sit up and point to a corner in the cieling and say "Jesus. Jesus" then lay back down.
She's broken both her arms and didn't cry. She's gotten two bad concussions and didn't cry. She won all baby pageants she's been in (except 1) and she's very gifted. She learns things usually the very first time it's taught to her with few exceptions.
Anyway, she's always been a very special and a very strong person.
Okay, now to get to what I really wrote this blog about!! lol
Lacie had a mole removed from her head in January. Over the last few years it'd been growing larger and larger and more recenlty started to bother her a little. I'd see her itching it.
The dermatologist said it didn't look good and sent in the mole he cut out to be biopsied. It came back as pre-cancerous and he was told to remove more of it if necessary (if he hadn't removed it all the first time, which he had). She had a check up in February and the mole had not healed. So he rescheduled again to have her seen just yesterday (actually it was Tuesday this week). He said it did not look good. It had not healed one bit since February!!! He was very concerned about this. He looked over the results again and decided that it would be the best thing to remove more. He took out 1 1/2" of her skin/flesh and gave her 9 stitches to close it back up!!!!!!!
He and the nurses said that Lacie was one of the best patients they have ever had. She didn't cry. She just laid perfectly still, with her eyes closed, patiently waiting for them to finish.
This is how Lacie is. Always has been.
So in two weeks roughly we'll find out if it is in fact Melanoma. I'm scared to death!!!!!!!
Then, to top it off. Today we took her in (Wednesday) to see her Pediatrician for her Kindergarten check up. Well, it wasn't good. Her doc is very concerned because Lacie's weight has been plummeting. It's completely dropped off the growth charts now! Her eye-sight has worsened, and her feet are worse.
From listening to her heart and looking her over and knowing about her broken bones and everything else the doctor was very worried and ordered a full blood test. They're testing for Leukemia, Celiac (what my mom has), diabetes (what my mom has), and any other types of cancer she could possibly have. Then we'll go from there.
Lacie eats. We feed her. But she doesn't have much of an appetite. She'll eat some food and fills up very quickly and loses her appetite. It's had me worried.
Her sleeping is sad, too. She grinds her teeth all night and moans and cries and calls for me in her sleep. She coughs all night, too. It really gets me worried sometimes, listening to her. I am constantly in her room checking on her for fear something bad has happened.
So in 3 days after getting her blood word done, which will be tomorrow (Thursday) morning, I'll know more answers, just not about the skin thing.
So every week there's been something happening.
It's just been too much. It really has! It's sucking all our strength out.
I'm tired of crying so much and tired of being so on the verge of tears all the time. I feel like a complete emotional wreck.
Tyler has had it.
What can you do when the problems you are having ARE NOT IN YOUR CONTROL AT ALL???? You cannot blame us for what we've been going through, period! Nothing could've stopped or prevented any of this from happening. At least the health issues. The financial issues are another issue all in themselves.
NO we have not been idiots with our money. We just don't have the same opportunities to money as most people we've known.
All we ask is that you keep us and especially Lacie in your prayers.
please pray for a MIRACLE.
So I didn't get the job at Convergys. Tyler and I both had a feeling that it wouldn't happen. I gave it my best and my all, but they chose another candidate. I just don't have Excel 100% down. I think I sucked on that part of the test lol.
Tyler's also been turned down for a LOT of jobs he's applied for. We've both applied for countless jobs already!! They all want SPECIFIC skills and stuff and some of it was just do not have. And the skills we do have the job had just been filled! Just bad timing.
So we are having a yard sale tomorrow at our place. We're selling our entire bedroom set, dining set, some shelves, a TV stand, a crib, clothes, vases, magnet board I made (it's so nice. I'll miss it), a printer, DVD rack that cost a lot, an amp, and more! I just think this is absolutely necessary. We have no other choice.
Even if either of us or both of us got a job right now it wouldn't be in time to pay the 1200.00 our bank wants. They'll repossess our truck next week and then sue us for everything we have, they said.
We really are in a bad spot. I know some people just don't believe that or realize that. It's the worst I've ever seen personally, at one time.
No money for food or gas, no money for phones, utilities, rent, internet, NOTHING. We HAVE to have internet for Tyler's school. And Tyler quitting school right now is NOT an option. He's on the Dean's List and is doing so well! With this schooling he'll be able to get valuable certificates to hopefully work at a hospital or doctor's office soon. That's his goal, anyway.
Getting a job that pays more than State benefits allow will screw us!! The only way we can survive is if Tyler or I are making a lot more than what we were making before. People don't seem to understand that.
They really don't.
We have THOUSANDS of dollars in medical debt that they all want paid immediately!! We've been sued FOUR TIMES in a month's time!!! Threatened to be sued two more times right now. 1 by the bank. The other Mountainland Collections. So yeah. We can't do it. We just can't.
Here's what we've been hoping for and planning for and working for:
Tyler and I are looking for part-time jobs for both of us. Not paying too much so that we can still get State benefits. It seems the wisest route for us for right now. Then we'll get on Housing (Section 8) in about 8-18 months. That'll help sooo much! Tyler will get certificates in 2-4 months that'll help him get a better job.
We're going to go to his school and speak with Financial Aid and see if we can't get more student loans to pay for our medical debt. We really don't know what else to do. Like paying 50.00 a month to like 25 different places is a LOT of money, ya know? But that's what they all want, or full payment, or they'll sue us. Get it?
Our bishop is offering absolutely NO help at all. Not for food or anything. I think he has the wrong opinion of us so we're going to meet with him on Sunday and explain to him EXACTLY what's going on.
I'm really tired of being misunderstood and misjudged by people who should understand.
You take one look at our situation and you automatically think, "they must be doing something wrong or did something wrong".
People have looked at my parents this same way.
It's just not right, period.
Some people CANNOT help their situation, no matter what!
Anyway, we're doing the best we can to better our circumstances and working hard to get ourselves into a better circumstance. I know there are MANY who are in much better circumstances than our own and what they're doing is more important than what we need. And still people judge others who struggle, like us.
"For behold, ye do love money and your substance, and your fine apparel, and the adorning of your churches, more than ye love the poor and the needy, the sick and the afflicted"
-Mormon 8:37
"But wo unto the rich, who are rich as to the things of the world. For because they are rich they despise the poor, and they persecute the meek, and their hearts are upon their treasures; wherefore, their treasure is their god. And behold, their treasure shall perish with them also."
-2 Nephi 9:30
"And now, for the sake of these things which I have spoken unto you - that is, for the sake of retaining a remission of your sings from day to day, that ye may walk guiltless before God - I would that ye should impart of your substance to the poor, every man according to that which he hath, such as feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, visiting the sick and administering to their relief, both spiritually and temporally, according to their wants."
-Mosiah 4:26
AND THEN THE MOST POINTED, STRONG AND UNMISTAKABLE SCRIPTURES OF ALL on this subject:
"And also, ye yourselves will succor those that stand in need of your succor; ye will administer of your substance unto him that standeth in need; and ye will not suffer that the beggar putteth up his petition to you in vain, and turn him out to perish.
"PERHAPS THOU SHALT SAY: THE MAN HAS BROUGHT UPON HIMSELF HIS MISERY; THEREFORE I WILL STAY MY HAND, AND WILL NOT GIVE UNTO HIM OF MY FOOD, NOR IMPART UNTO HIM OF MY SUBSTANCE THAT HE MAY NOT SUFFER, FOR HIS PUNISHMENTS ARE JUST -
"But I say unto you, O man, whosever doeth this the same hath great cause to repent; and except he repenteth of that which he hath done he perisheth forever, and hath no interest in the kingdon of God.
"For behold, ARE WE NOT ALL BEGGARS? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have, for both food and raiment, and gold, and for silver, and for all the riches we have of every kind?
"And now, if God, who has created you, ON WHOM YOU ARE DEPENDENT FOR YOUR LIVES AND FOR ALL THAT YE HAVE AND ARE, doth grant unto you whatsoever ye ask that is right, in faith, believing that ye shall receive, O then, how ye ought to impart of the substance that ye have one to another.
"AND IF YE JUDGE THE MAN WHO PUTTETH UP HIS PETITION TO YOU FOR YOUR SUBSTANCE TAHT HE PERISH NOT, AND CONDEMN HIM, HOW MUCH MORE JUST WILL BE YOUR CONDEMNATION FOR WITHHOLDING YOUR SUBSTANCE, WHICH DOTH NOT BELONG TO YOU BUT TO GOD, TO WHOM ALSO YOUR LIFE BELONGETH; AND YET YE PUT UP NO PETITION, NOR REPENT OF THE THING WHICH THOU HAST DONE.
"I say unto you, wo be unto that man, for his substance shall perish with him; and now, I say these things unto those who are rich as pertaining to the things of this world."
Mosiah 4:16-19, 21-23
These are scriptures from God. I don't care what or who you believe in, these are true and good things that we should follow.
I know I was raised to believe and feel this way, especially since I was raised in such a poor home with caring parents who did everything they could to provide for us.
I was also shown what it's like to have very rich people surround me and my family who will not help except conditionally. They loan things. And then expect repayment and sometimes even with interest attached. How is that charitable? How is that what Heavenly Father would want for us to do to each other? How can you feel right about doing that, especially if it's family??
How can you watch people suffer so much and say "it's their fault, they shouldn't have boughten that car" or "they did it to themselves, she should've been working to help instead of staying home with their children, so it's their fault" or "they just want attention and an easy way out" or "they're only going to go spend it on something stupid, like go out to eat or alcohol or to pay for that new couch they have".
How do you KNOW that?
And it's not up to you to judge to whom your money goes to with all these conditions. If someone NEEDS it GIVE IT!!
I hate hearing people, especially Christian's, say, "That beggar is a worthless SOB. He's just a lazy drunk and probably makes more than I do" and then walk on by him and ignore him while he sits in the dirty street with a sign or a cup, imploring our help.
My husband and I, and my family, have always been charitable to give to others, even if it's all we had in our pockets to give, we still give it. We know what it's like to be poor and needy! We're here right now!!!
I also remember that story from the Bible that says that lady who gave her two coins and it was ALL she had. It was worth far less than what others were giving, but to God it was worth waaaaay more than what the others were giving because it was all she had!! The other wealthier people only gave some change pretty much, in comparison to their incomes or posessions.
You know, until you know exactly what is going on in people's lives and with their circumstances and especially what's in their hearts and minds, then don't judge them! Don't think or say to yourself that they deserve it or ask for it or NEED it or this is "their learning time" and leave them alone thinking they'll work it out or they deserve it for their choices they've made or whatever!!!
How do you justify that?
Anyway, there you go. I have much deeper thoughts about this and can be sooo much bolder with it in my opinions and thoughts.
I've seen too much to be ignorant on this topic.
okay, back to our life.
Here's to hoping God has mercy on us before we end up homeless.
