You know, even though there's a LOT going on in our lives and we've been through a LOT since we've been married, and especially in the last 3-4 years, we still feel peace and happiness of a special type.
No matter what happens and the crap we go through and the crap that is said about us and to us and how we're treated by those who should be called "loved ones" and no matter how much we're judged and how hard we work to be put down again and again we can always know that we're doing our best and that we don't give up.
We've been hearing more and more of members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, ones that have been to the Temples and been sealed for Time & Eternity, dropping away, losing their faith, and even some of them becoming agnostic or even Atheist.
How have we not done this ourselves?
Well, it's really simple, and because of how simple it is it's hard for people to really believe it and to know how to grasp and understand it.
Tyler and I may have a lot of gospel knowledge and yada yada, but the bottom line is this: keeping the commandments of God and keeping our covenants we've made with God from our baptisms and going through the Temple and then getting sealed.
The LITTLE things matter the MOST.
Reading the scriptures, praying daily, going to church, paying tithing, going to the temple, having Family Home Evening, etc. It does not require much at all to do these things. Oh, and a BIGGIE. Keeping the Word of Wisdom.
The Word of Wisdom is exactly that. A WORD OF WISDOM. It comes from God.
Those who choose to smoke and drink are literally clogging their spiritual pores. Oh sure laugh it up if you want to, or better yet, get offended LOL. But it's true. Just plain and simply that, it's true.
Doing things that are contrary to what God has asked us to do is damaging and damning in every sense of those words.
Tyler and I have been very, very careful to never break the Word of Wisdom, to always pay a full tithe, and keep up with our reading and praying and these things alone have kept our testimonies firm.
There have been countless chances we've had to leave the church or start to look into another religion or just quit, but how can one do that when they're sure about what they're doing is right and that the Spirit is with them, building them up, strengthening them, guiding them, supporting them, loving them, comforting them, and blessing them with miracles every day?
How could Tyler and I turn our backs on our ETERNAL FAMILY and our testimonies when God has given us so much and done so much for us?
If anybody needs a sign of proof about God's love and existence it's not in material blessings, it's not in healthy bodies, it's not in fame and fortune or recognition or a calm and event-less life. It's not a constant SUREITY of God's existence or of miracles or angels or truth or anything like that. It's not getting what you want or what you think you deserve or what you think would be best for you or your family. It's not even saving a loved one from death.
It's the fact that he let his Son suffer, bleed and die. It's the fact that he allowed his earthly children to torture, ridicule, reject, beat and then ultimately kill His Only Begotten Son. He allowed this because it was THE ONLY WAY that we could receive Salvation and hopefully Eternal Life if we so choose it. JESUS CHRIST IS THE SIGN. He is the proof.
No matter what happens to Tyler and I, or anybody else we know, Tyler and I always have this great PEACE and HAPPINESS that we feel on a daily basis, if even for a moment, that we have an Eternal Family. That we will be together forever, perfect, immortal, glorious, and with our family and friends who so choose to follow the same path. We know that there is a greater reward waiting for us after this life and it's worth all the hell and torment we could possibly endure in this life to attain all that God has promised us.
I know for a certainty that's indescribable that Jesus Christ lives and that he died for every one of us and lives now. I know with a strong hope and faith that my family, Tyler, Lacie, Sophie and I, will all be together forever and ever, never to die again, never to suffer again. I know that no matter what people say or do all around us, and while friends and family and people we don't know very well fall away and deny the faith and lose their faith and go off on their own ways and who snub us for our faith, that we are doing what is right and we are doing our best and we are choosing to keep the faith and we are choosing to do what's right and work as hard as we can to keep this.
Nothing is worth losing your family after death.
NOTHING.
And please don't try to comfort yourself into thinking that EVERYONE will be with their families forever, because they will not if they choose not to do what's necessary to receive this gift. Sure, we'll all live again one day, but there's a difference between being SEALED to your family and just living again. Tyler and I know this, and we're staying away from the things that could tear our Eternal Family apart, including not breaking the Word of Wisdom and all that other stuff I already mentioned.
This is my testimony and I just felt to share it.
In Jesus' Name.
There has been a lot more that has happened lately, and none of it has been good news. Okay ONE bit of good news. Tyler MIGHT have a job up in Layton working at the Hill Air Force Base making better money than he was with Gunther's Comfort Air. PLEASE PLEASE PRAY EARNESTLY THAT HE GETS THIS JOB!!!!!!!! Unless, of course, our Heavenly Father has other plans and sais NO.
Which has been his answer to every question we've asked so far ;)
So Tyler's cousin, Jake, passed away the week of Memorial Day. It was an awful and torturous week for us. Not just for Jake's sudden tragic and fatal condition, but the repercussions of hurt feelings forced back towards me. I cannot write about them here for fear of being sued or other such nonsense, so please just write me privately if you are curious.
The stress of Jake and his passing put Tyler and I physically ill. We had to have a bathroom close at hand. I'm still not better. I NEVER throw up but did so surprisingly one morning. No, it was no morning sickness, though I really sincerely wish it was.
Even my very honest Grandma Pearson noticed how dark under my eyes have gotten.
(bad grammar, I know, sorry).
So with our car being repossessed, no luck finding jobs for either of us (and YES we've applied at fast food joins, temporary jobs, everything!!!!!!!) and Tyler's truck being uninsured and the window breaking out and the fuel tank or pump breaking, among other things, and running out of food at the end of the month, every month..... okay I won't go on. It's just kinda pathetic and is just getting me more down to have to say it all. Let's just say that it's as low as it can get, or almost there anyway.
Our landlady served us an eviction letter to be out within 3 days. Out of desperation we called our bishop and asked if he could help. Thank you for our faithfulness in the Gospel because our entire rent was covered or we would honestly be in the homeless shelter in Provo. We actually went down there and met with a bishop of the place (not a religious person) and got the list of things we have to get together for next month when we will more than likely be evicted so that we can move in. That was enormous stress added to our heap of stress.
We have been sued FIVE TIMES now from doctors.
And my health isn't getting better. Sure you can think I'm some whiny person who asks for it or makes it up or whatever, but the fact of the matter is I have REAL issues and they've come to me in a very, very, very short amount of time!!! Why do you think I am so fat and look so awful?? DUH!!
Anybody who knew me, REALLY KNEW ME, would know that I was a very active, healthy, busy, hard-working and never-resting type of person. I was successful at everything I did. Nothing slowed me down. Not my endometriosis, breaking my leg, e-coli that nearly killed me, or anything. But when it's too much, IT'S TOO MUCH.
I feel like I am bearing more than I am able to and it's showing in so many ways.
My biggest concern is my family's well-being. I feel like a failure of a mother and Housewife. I want to be that housewife that can cook every meal and keep a schedule and a very clean house. I want to be that housewife that can teach her children the gospel and their school subjects. I want to be that housewife that has the energy to do normal things. But I am in constant pain and it is only getting worse.
ANYWAY!!!!!! Enough about me already!!!!!!
I am very deeply concerned about Lacie right now.
She's only 5 yrs old, almost 5 1/2. She's got to be one of the strongest and most perfect and special people I have ever known.
As a little background as to why I think this about her.
When she was born she would not cry. They tried and tried but she was 100% healthy and didn't want to cry. She looked at the nurses like "alright leave me alone, I'm just fine. Give me to my mother". As soon as I held her she just stared up into my eyes forever! She made eye contact with me and I knew right then that she was a very choice, strong and special spirit, older than I am, that God blessed me to be the mother of.
She never cried. She was the most perfect baby!!! It's been difficult to tell whenever she's sick or hurt because she won't complain about it. Not usually.
She suffered a severe seizure when she was just 2 years old. Perhaps some of you Pearson's will remember because it was the night of the Pearson Christmas reunion at uncle Kim's and aunt Marylou's. We stopped off at my inlaw's house. Anyway, she got her head slammed in a door and she already had a fever and it spiked. The impact, coupled with the spiked fever, sent her into a 45 minute seizure. She actually stopped breathing when I got to her! She was as limp as death when I held her and I panicked. I was pregnant with Sophie, due in mid-March. Lacie's little lips turned blue. Tyler called 911 and Tyler's dad, Gary, a previous EMT raced to her aid and saved her life. The Paramedics got there quickly but it still took them about 20-30 minutes since Saratoga Springs is so far from Lehi and American Fork. I rode with her in the ambulance. She re-gained consciousness in the ambulance but lay still.
In the hospital, as she lay in her bed and the entire family was in the ER gabbing away, Tyler and I saw her weakly sit up and point to a corner in the cieling and say "Jesus. Jesus" then lay back down.
She's broken both her arms and didn't cry. She's gotten two bad concussions and didn't cry. She won all baby pageants she's been in (except 1) and she's very gifted. She learns things usually the very first time it's taught to her with few exceptions.
Anyway, she's always been a very special and a very strong person.
Okay, now to get to what I really wrote this blog about!! lol
Lacie had a mole removed from her head in January. Over the last few years it'd been growing larger and larger and more recenlty started to bother her a little. I'd see her itching it.
The dermatologist said it didn't look good and sent in the mole he cut out to be biopsied. It came back as pre-cancerous and he was told to remove more of it if necessary (if he hadn't removed it all the first time, which he had). She had a check up in February and the mole had not healed. So he rescheduled again to have her seen just yesterday (actually it was Tuesday this week). He said it did not look good. It had not healed one bit since February!!! He was very concerned about this. He looked over the results again and decided that it would be the best thing to remove more. He took out 1 1/2" of her skin/flesh and gave her 9 stitches to close it back up!!!!!!!
He and the nurses said that Lacie was one of the best patients they have ever had. She didn't cry. She just laid perfectly still, with her eyes closed, patiently waiting for them to finish.
This is how Lacie is. Always has been.
So in two weeks roughly we'll find out if it is in fact Melanoma. I'm scared to death!!!!!!!
Then, to top it off. Today we took her in (Wednesday) to see her Pediatrician for her Kindergarten check up. Well, it wasn't good. Her doc is very concerned because Lacie's weight has been plummeting. It's completely dropped off the growth charts now! Her eye-sight has worsened, and her feet are worse.
From listening to her heart and looking her over and knowing about her broken bones and everything else the doctor was very worried and ordered a full blood test. They're testing for Leukemia, Celiac (what my mom has), diabetes (what my mom has), and any other types of cancer she could possibly have. Then we'll go from there.
Lacie eats. We feed her. But she doesn't have much of an appetite. She'll eat some food and fills up very quickly and loses her appetite. It's had me worried.
Her sleeping is sad, too. She grinds her teeth all night and moans and cries and calls for me in her sleep. She coughs all night, too. It really gets me worried sometimes, listening to her. I am constantly in her room checking on her for fear something bad has happened.
So in 3 days after getting her blood word done, which will be tomorrow (Thursday) morning, I'll know more answers, just not about the skin thing.
So every week there's been something happening.
It's just been too much. It really has! It's sucking all our strength out.
I'm tired of crying so much and tired of being so on the verge of tears all the time. I feel like a complete emotional wreck.
Tyler has had it.
What can you do when the problems you are having ARE NOT IN YOUR CONTROL AT ALL???? You cannot blame us for what we've been going through, period! Nothing could've stopped or prevented any of this from happening. At least the health issues. The financial issues are another issue all in themselves.
NO we have not been idiots with our money. We just don't have the same opportunities to money as most people we've known.
All we ask is that you keep us and especially Lacie in your prayers.
please pray for a MIRACLE.
So here's another update for y'all, and for me, too.
Right now I have a massive tension headache so excuse me if I ramble or don't make sense or whatever.
My midwife called me back today (our phones have been off all week) and gave me results to my annual and an ultrasound I had done, etc.
I am borderline P.C.O.S. afterall. I have it and all the symptoms, it's just not that severe in my blood, if that makes sense. So to treat it they wanted to put me on birth control pills. A friend of mine was telling me that those are some of the worst things to take for it cuz they could make me never ovulate again!
So I have the two most common causes of infertility: endometriosis and p.c.o.s.
Sucky, eh?
Then my ultrasound results showed enlarged ovaries and tonz of cysts in them. So there's the reason for my bad pelvic pain. No fun!!
They said it's from taking Clomid probably. We'll see, though.
So I have this month and next month to get pregnant and if I don't then I have to either see a Fertility Specialist or start treating my P.C.O.S.
Also, I stopped taking my anti-deppresant anti-anxiety meds and so far I feel SO MUCH BETTER!! I have ENERGY!!!!!!! I feel better getting up, too. It's helped so much having my CPAP machine! And also I started taking Magnesium like 400mg a day. It's helped a HUGE amoutn as well! I used to have muscle spams and cramps SO SO BAD and muscle weakness and tightness. Now I don't nearly as bad. It's great!
Also, since getting off those stupid meds my skin is SOFT again! Instead of dry, bumpy, itchy skin it's smooth and soft and cleared up.
Tyler and my dad gave me a blessing yesterday and it was good. I will feel more pain for a bit but I will be well soon and healthy again. I'm so happy about that! I hope I can start losing weight with this gained energy I have.
I've been more emotional lately, too, but supposedly it's because of the Clomid. It tends to do that. So such is life with female stuff huh? haha
Tyler and I are still getting by miraculously with everything. Thanks to his parents we finally got our cell phones turned back on! YIPEEEE!!!!!
Please pray that Tyler finds a good job, soon, k? We don't care where, just where his school is and it can keep us from getting sued again and again.
Love to you all 
Okay,So my doctor called me tonight and gave me my blood work results. I have a secondary internal infection apart from a staph infection in my nose and from the mono I already have. We don't know what the internal infection is so I'll have to get more blood cultures to figure that out.I also have slightly high cholesterol. He said it's low enough that I should be able to maintain it with exercise and diet.I get to double my acid reflux medication to see if that helps with my stomach pains and apply an ointment in my nose for that staph.On Tuesday I go to see the neurologist to figure out why I had that temporary paralysis and why I'm so slow and fuzzy and headachey.On the 26th I go to see the GI about my stomach. Sometime in between seeing the GI and now I need to get blood cultures done.Frankly, I'm TIRED of all of this. I'm not going to go in and get them done unless I get sicker. Probably foolish, but right now I don't care. I'm way too tired and fatigued and worn out from everything to care right now. If it's bad enough then I figure I'd be in the hospital right now or will end up there. Either way, eh, oh well.Another thing I'm tired about is having a few select people not take my issues seriously and brush them off. Yeah, that's annoying. Now I just figure oh well, who cares what they think. They're not compassionate or supportive so that's their problem, right?Okay now back to my boring life of sitting on the couch and trying to squash out the loud and echoing sounds of my screaming children that echo loudly through my head all day long.
