This job might work!! hmmmmmmmm ??

So Tyler and I have been majorly stressing about his job and several other things as well.
So this is what we did.
I called the police to talk to them about this person calling the police on us and making false accusations and what our options are and so on. Well, he explained a bunch of things to me that I already knew and understand so that was all good and well then he told me that if they call again that when the police officer comes we can pursue things even further. The officer can contact the person and tell them that charges will be pressed if they continue these accusations that the officers, three times now, have seen with their own eyes are false.
Otherwise our only other choice is to move away. Or just bear with the annoyance of some weirdo that likes to stir up problems. Of course if they called DCFS then things would be really bad because, frankly, DCFS just isn't that straight or honest. They take kids from perfectly good homes and ignore cases that are very serious. Of course they do LOTS of good too, but it's too much of a risk, ya know? I NEVER call those people unless I really feel there is a deep concern to be addressed and I have seen with my own eyes the abuse or neglect that would require contacting them.

Okay, the next thing we did was meet with the bishop. He gave us advice and counsel, and was a great boost for us. We love our bishop, he's such a great man! He gave an exceptional lesson today in our combined meeting at church about forgiveness. Something I've found that I need to do a lot of these days, and often.

The next thing we did was I encouraged Tyler to call his boss, the owner, and get some things straightened out before he either just went to work or quit.
So he asked him about taxes, overtime, told him about the porn, etc. His boss said that Tyler's supervisor, Ron, was supposed to have given him his tax forms by the first day to sign so two weeks later he's going to make sure Ron gives them to him this time. Ron's been feeding Tyler a bunch of bull crap apparently. Tyler will get his overtime and he isn't a contractor but is an employee. Also, the porn outraged Tyler's boss, Kent, and he's going to fire the ENTIRE crew Tyler works on!!! He said he's really impressed with Tyler, really likes him, and is keeping only him and firing all the others. I'm guessing as soon as this Walmart project is over they're all gone. So, after talking to him Tyler feels SO much more peace about it and it's turning out to be a good deal after all. If he wasn't going to get his overtime then it would've been money down the drain with all the driving Tyler's been having to do.
He also told Tyler he'll pay him more when he gets his Plumber's Apprentice License. He can't until he gets that. So Tyler has to apply for it, get signatures for it, and take a test and pay some money for it. But he'll get paid a lot better with it, so that's his next goal.

So, the way things are headed this very minute is that we could end up staying right where we're at, Tyler has a job with zero benefits but potential. And, he'll take this job until something better opens up for him.
His boss, Kent, says he doesn't smoke or drink, doesn't allow or put up with pornography or any other crap like that, and has had to make some financial decisions based on the dishonesty of his employees and unfortunately those decisions affect every employee, and all because of a few dishonest and crooked and immoral employees that ruin it for the rest. Typical of how things are in life.

So, I'm feeling a lot more at peace about things. There are a few other things that have been stressing me out, but I think that they'll iron themselves out okay if we just watch our steps, take care of our own little family, and continue faithfully and prayerfully.

Tyler's job is worse than I thought!!!!

So I know that I complained about Tyler's job in the last blog, and that I wrote very recently, but here I am again updating it even more after talking to Tyler today.
He got home in the very early hours of the morning and when I saw him today, this afternoon, he did NOT look happy at all! He looks miserable!! My poor Tyler!!!!

He told me today that not only do they cut the drive time out of his pay and the overtime hours out, but they expect him to go to the shop at 7:pm and he won't get paid until 9:pm!! So ANOTHER wasted 2 hours!!!
Also, he works with ex-cons, men on parole from prison, and those that are required to get tested for drugs regularly. He HATES it!! It is just too much for him. It's not a good place, especially for Tyler.
They all smoke all the time, like I said, but that has really made Tyler the most uncomfortable. It makes him physically sick. He HATES cigarette smoke and just cannot respect people who smoke like that. He thinks they're *sick*.

Then last night/this morning, he said it was just the ultimate. They speak so bad and are just the epitome of vulgar talking about sex and women's body parts in great and graphic detail and they're VERY VERY disrespectful. He hears this the entire time he's at work. And No he cannot put in head phones at his job. It's too dangerous. That and also every other word is the F word and that can get overly offensive.
Now he's tried to tune them out, but last night hit the worst. HIS BOSS brought porn to work!!!!! He brought it and ALL of them gathered around and were looking at it but Tyler. He kept away and was thoroughly disgusted. Tyler cannot respect a man who looks at that garbage and he was so offended by their disrespect and weakness and immoral behavior and speech that he had his boss sign his time card, loaded up and left.

Then his boss being a jerk called Tyler while Tyler was on his way home and said "where'd you go? I didn't dismiss you from work". Even though the time card was signed and the job was all done. I think he just didn't like that Tyler had left upset and wouldn't look at the porn with them.

Also, they stole two of his batteries!!! That was another 200.00 bucks down the drain!!!!!!!
Tyler is soooooooo mad and disappointed and disgusted.

TYLER TAKING THIS JOB AND WORKING HIS BUTT OFF SHOWS HIS LOVE FOR HIS FAMILY!!!!!!! HE'S DOING WHATEVER HE CAN TO TAKE CARE OF ALL OF US AND HE'S SACRIFICED SO MUCH AND ALL FOR NOTHING!!!!!!! I just hope and pray that our Heavenly Father sees Tyler's great efforts and loyalty and BLESSES HIM FOR IT with a decent job!! He DESERVES a good job!!! He's smart and a very hard worker, he has great work ethic.

So now I know why I wasn't super excited about this job. I couldn't feel really happy about it and I was SICK about it from the very beginning. Everyone kept telling me "don't stress about it. It'll work out" etc etc but I KNEW it was bad. This isn't on Tyler at all. I love Tyler so much and my respect for him just doubled! If that's possible ;). Tyler is a REAL MAN. He's a real man because HE works and doesn't make me do it, he's a real man because he does what it takes to take care of his family, and he's a real man ESPECIALLY because he stands up for what is right!!!!!!! He doesn't put up with this garbage and he's not going to any longer.
He's going to quit. And like always, I support him 100%.

I love to support my husband. Just like in the Proclamation to the World, Tyler and I support each other. I don't take over his job and he doesn't take over mine, that's not what it means. I support Tyler in all that he does trusting fully in him to do what is right because I know he will. Because Tyler keeps God's commandments to the best of his ability, and because I know his head is on straight, I trust him to always make the best choice. Of course he has flaws like we all do, but I choose not to dwell on them. Tyler knows that he has my full support and he's allowed complete freedom because he's his own man and he knows I respect that. I'm just so blessed to have married a man that continues to grow in leaps and bounds and WOW he's more of a man every day in my eyes.
I just keep praying that Heavenly Father will bless him with a decent job that he deserves.
I mean gosh, I can't even get a job and Tyler is way more qualified to get a better job than I can because of his experience.
If I had a car I'd get a part-time job. None of the businesses close to us that I could walk to are hiring. But you know, I feel that we're doing what we're supposed to be doing, even though many others doubt that. It's not up to other people what we do, it's between Tyler and I and the Lord, and I fully believe that we're doing what's right and the best we can.

Like Lacie going to public school. We both know it's RIGHT for her at this time. I don't know what the future holds, but it's the way Heavenly Father wants it right now. We live where he wants us right now, and we're doing the best we can and that's all Heavenly Father asks is that we do our best.
After all, he has told us that we should not run faster than we are able. I see too many people doing this and it's not healthy on many levels.

Okay now I'm rambling. I just have a lot to write right now. I have a lot in my mind. And a lot in my heart.
Soon I get to go walk and pick up my perfect little Lacie from school at her second day at school. She's such a good girl and I'm sure had a great time today. She was so excited to go she forgot to say Bye to me!! hahaha.

I love my little family with all my heart and they're everything to me. My entire world! And they're more important to me than school or a job or my own personal endeavors/desires and I feel extremely blessed to have them in my life.

So I'm feeling depressed....... :(

I wish I didn't feel this way right now but I'm sad. I'm sad that Lacie can't go to the Charter School that accepted her because I couldn't find her a ride there and I feel like I've let her down. I'm sad that even though Tyler DID officially get hired at his job, he's only making as much as he did on unemployment! I'm so mad about that. He has 2 1/2 years experience and is working GRAVEYARDS and loooooong hours and shares his tools and gets paid the same as people just starting getting trained!! AND, this makes me even more sad and mad, he doesn't get paid legal overtime. His boss "banks" his money! His boss doesn't record their long hours overtime that they work so that he can pay them under the table cash by the hour so he doesn't have to pay them time-and-a-half. I'm like WHAT??? So his boss is basically STEALING from Tyler and all his co-workers.
AND, another thing that makes me sad, is that not only is his boss doing that but he just stopped paying for their travel time. So the hour spent driving to work and from work he's not paid for so that's another 2 hours lost of his time. He's driving his own truck there and hauling things for them and they *say* they'll pay for the gas, etc., but we have yet to see it. If Tyler doesn't drive himself then he gets stuck with a car full of men who smoke the entire hour drive to and from work, with their dirty vulgar language and attitudes. It's made Tyler feel SICK.
He did NOT want to go to work tonight!!! He has a very very sore throat, it's swollen and red, and he can't go to the doctor!! And then he'll have to be around dishonest, lazy, dirty, vulgar, smoking people all night long which he HATES. He gets along with everybody, but that doesn't mean he likes what stuff people do. It doesn't mean he supports people's bad behavior. So he's really struggling right now.
He and I both feel that this job is very temporary and we're just praying our hearts out that he gets a better job! There have been a few potentially really good job openings that Tyler has applied for that he qualifies for and we're just really hoping Heavenly Father blesses us with one of these jobs! I really, really feel Tyler deserves it, we all do!

So I'm sitting up feeling restless and sad tonight. Our sleep schedules are messed up right now and we're confused as to what's going to happen with us soon.
Lacie just started school and it's going to break my heart and hurt her to have to get up and move her to another school when we have to move in a month. :(

Another thing that's got me all upset is that there's a neighbor who doesn't like me. Not for anything I've done, I promise. She doesn't like me for being an active Latter Day Saint. (one of the only ones in the neighborhood. The other active lady is hated, too).
Anyway, she has called the police on me 3 times now!!! She has lied to the police telling them that we lock the girls outside and don't let them back in and let them play in the street all day. It's sickening that she could say such awful things! So the police are seriously tired of having to come out on these phony calls. They tell me they have to come and that they can see that I am OBVIOUSLY supervising my girls and that they are NOT locked out and that these calls are a waste of their time and money to come out on. The last cop said he was going to contact the person who keeps calling and tell her to knock it off or we'll press charges of harassment and that she's wasting time and money on making stories up that they just don't have time to deal with.
So we'll see how that goes.

Anyway, pray that Tyler gets either the job at the U of U Cardiologist center as the EKG Tech or out at Tooele Army Depot working for the Gov't as an EMT. Both jobs have benefits and pay well and we'd have to move, but we need that. I just feel soooo sad and bad for Lacie! My poor little girl!!

I thank Heavenly Father for the job Tyler did get! Even though it's been very hard on all of us and it's not the best circumstances and it's not honest how he's being paid, but a job's a job! He also has to work on Sunday nights, which is SO disappointing!! They're PLUMBERS! It's weird to work graveyards and Sunday's and weekends.
I also thank Heavenly Father for my two healthy and beautiful daughters. I thank him for a husband that is more than willing to do whatever it takes to take care of me and the girls, despite the working conditions, despite how tired he gets, despite everything! He's such an amazing man and I'm so lucky to have him! I know too many men these days that are soft and a bit selfish and just won't do it. It gets to the point to where they just expect their wives to pick up and make the money on top of cooking and cleaning and watching kids. It's completely unfair and wrong I think. I'm so blessed to have a husband who is not like this!
I also am so grateful for my testimony, Tyler's testimony, our activity in the church, and that we can go to the Temple together, that we're an Eternal family, and that we have a nice landlord that has been working with us. I'm grateful for my talents, I'm grateful for supportive family and friends, and I'm grateful for all the millions of avenues I have to reach out for knowledge, support, guidance, direction, love and peace.
I will continue to be faithful and pray that something works out for us so that we can start paying our bills off so poor Tyler can get his throat and ears checked and I can get my heart checked (it's getting worse every day. I can't even tell you how awful it feels now).

Okay, now hopefully I can get some sleep tonight. I've been sleep deprived for days now. Like 3-4 hours of sleep a night, even less than Tyler's been getting. I'm just way overly stressed and anxious.

Lacie's First Day of School!!!!!!!

Lacie's first day of Kindergarten!!
She's been SO excited!!! August 27th, 2009

Here is her class and her teacher Mrs Vitters getting started as us parents slowly wandered out of the room. (right picture).

Lacie is sitting next to Kioni and says bye-bye to mommy on her first day! (left picture).

Here is Lacie with one of her friends, Kioni. They were so happy to be in the same class! (middle picture).

Lacie putting her backpack away. (right).

She got her name tag! (left).

Here she is waiting to go into her classroom. She was so excited! And I thought she looked so darling! I love her little outfit. (middle).

Here is Lacie standing in front of her school, Windsor Elementary.

So my baby is no longer a baby!! She's already 5 1/2 and going to school!! We had wanted her in a Charter School and ESPECIALLY after I visited the charter school that accepted her on the 25th (a week after they'd already started) and then visited the regular public school it became obviously apparent that the Charter School would be the best place for Lacie because she'd learn so much more and thrive so much better.
But, unfortunately, we have no car and so I have NO WAY to get her to the Charter School! I've cried over it, honestly, because I want the best for Lacie and I feel like I've let her down. Now the school she's going to is one of the best in the valley, so I've heard, so I'm okay with that. I'm happy with that, actually.
Tyler and I had made it a matter of prayer of where Lacie should go to school whether it was public or homeschool and honestly and surprisingly to me we both felt that public was the right choice for her. It may just be Lacie that goes to public, or it may just be this year, but I don't know yet. I guess we'll see what the Lord has planned for my baby Lacie.
I walked Lacie to school and when the crossing guard blocked traffic for just Lacie and I and she smiled huge at Lacie and said, "have a good day!", I started to cry!! Lacie, of course, was gabbing my head off the entire walk and I had a hard time answering her because I was so emotional. I didn't want her to know I was crying. I managed to hide it. I didn't want her to think I was sad and upset her. So anyway, yes I've cried a few times already!
Then when she got out of school Tyler, Sophie & I walked back to get her. We'll be walking her to and from school every day until we have to move, which will probably be sooner than we want.

Tyler might have a job!!!!!!!

So Tyler is working for the 2nd night in a row as a PLUMBER!!!! lol He got the job from our next door neighbor! He referred Tyler and they called him and had him start emmediately. It's so cool! Only thing is it's alllllll night long! UNGH! I hate having him gone at night. It's hard to go to bed without him and hard to get the girls to bed without him. There went our nightly routine as a family. I still do my best, though, and it's only been two nights.
He works like 10-18 hour shifts!! So it's super insane. He doesn't work every night, though. We'll see how that goes. We're not sure what they're going to pay him, either. He's doing the job of a certified plumber so that's really good. He's not just the grunt man. He knows what he's doing and he's a hard worker. I'm so proud of him!
He's taking 1 month off of school. This would've been his CNA module but he's taking his EMT course still and the CNA teacher wasn't willing to work with him since he'd be missing one night a week. It was a annoying, but it worked out perfectly anyway for him to get this job. When he's done with the EMT in Sept then he'll go do his CNA and go from there.
We really hope they pay him decent at this plumbing job. It's very hard work and very demanding and all night long. We have thousands and thousands in medical bills and we're starting to drown in them. We thought we were starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel then more health problems arose and we're starting to get the bills for them. They're in the thousands. It's just so overwhelming! If it continues on like this we'll have to do medical bankruptcy and never get into a house then. I hope it doesn't have to go down that way!!!

So because of our medical bills I'm unable to see doctors I desperately need to see. I saw a Uro-Gyn last week and he did some tests. I have to see him two more times for him to look in my bladder for tumors or endometriosis or polyps to see why there's blood in my urine and why I'm in so much pain most of the time. I'm worried about this because we don't have insurance, and this job doesn't offer insurance, and if I get diagnosed with something WOW we're just really screwed and I'm scared to death! I already have so many other diseases and problems that I don't think insurance will ever cover me again since we lost ours when Tyler got laid off.
I'm also supposed to see my Endometriosis/PCOS Specialist to see if I need surgery for that or whatever. I'm going to have to cancel that appointment. We cannot afford it. I'm also supposed to see a Fertility Specialist that my Uro-Gyn referred me to. I cannot afford that, either.
I possibly have a heart problem/disease and so if I were to get pregnant now anyway it could probably kill me, so everything has to be on hold for now.
I also have run out of my thyroid meds and my migraine meds so I'm REALLY suffering right now. Doctors who were never really poor don't seem to get it. They think of they squeeze and squeeze you until you're near death or something they'll finally get some money but when there's NO money there's NO money, life or death, that's just the way it is. So meantime I'm really suffering. The pain I'm in is nearly intolerable, how sick I feel, the depression, everything, it's almost too much to handle.

Also we're carless. We have our old truck but I can't drive it. And it's a gas hog. So no-where we'll be going. We hope to find a junk car for around 500.00 for me to use. That's the plan anyway. And we'll have to use money from Tyler's new job for that, of course.

Also, Lacie has an appointment with a bone specialist at Primary Children's Medical Center. Thank Heavens she has Medicaid!!! She's seriously pidgeon-toed and her feet and legs are always hurting her. I remember that pain when I was growing up. I had to have braces and she will too, or surgery to correct it. Hopefully the braces will be good enough. She has a hard time and trips a lot, poor girl!!

Lacie starts school next week!!!! She's going to our local elementary school for Kindergarten and I'm SO excited!!! I'm also really sad. I've already cried a bit about her going and I just know that first day I'll be crying! My baby is growing up!!! She's getting so old now! :( At least I'll have 3 hours every day with just Sophie and I, so that's good. Sophie REQUIRES lots of one-on-one time. She's exactly like her daddy. Without constant mommy attention she's getting into lots of trouble, just like her daddy did (and still does if I'm not giving him lots of attention hahaha). It's not a bad thing, just requires lots of motherly love, and that's what God blessed us mothers with, right? :)

Okay, back to my awful migraine that will not go away and my awful cramps and sickness and BLAH lol!

PS I am happy, and I am positive, and I am counting my blessings and am very hopeful. I don't walk around all gloom and doom. Sorry if I seem to complain so much, I'm just open and honest and like to let those who care know what's going on so when you see me you'll know why I look so worn down, fat and miserable HAHAHAHA ;)

The Stress & Pressure reached some sort of a climax

Okay so I've been waiting to write in here again for hopefully some good news for a change, but there's not been a LOT of that, but there is definitely new things that have happened.
The stress Tyler and I BOTH carry is so huge right now. Sophie has been very difficult to deal with and we're not sure if it's a phase or if it's more serious than that. She's been seeing a Child Psychologist and that's great. She's so good with Sophie and she gets to play the entire time. It's cute.
Still no job for Tyler. He's been applying for jobs EVERY SINGLE DAY and I've been looking for him and so have other people. I've been applying for jobs, too.
I did get a part-time job working for Women in Business Magazine selling advertising space. I've had NO luck with that whatsoever!! I've spent hours calling people and emailing people with nothing coming from it. My boss has encouraged me to go door-to-door but I just haven't been able to do that in this last week at all!
Well, y'all know that I have lots of health issues. Not one of them are made up or exaggerated as I KNOW that some people think they are. I don't lie about my health. I'm just not used to being unhealthy and fat. Think about that for a second, k? I grew up very healthy, energetic, super skinny and athletic and never took a break from all my activities. I was a go-getter and worked my butt off. Being sick, having surgery, being hurt, NOTHING slowed me down. Of course I'd bounce right back from that stuff cuz I was in such good and healthy shape.
Then I got pregnant with Sophie and that all came crashing down.
Having Gall Bladder Disease is different than gall stones or slush/mud or whatever in the gall bladder. It's a disease, not something brought on by poor eating habits or being overweight. I was underweight. Anyway, I had that while pregnant with Sophie. It made me very ill. I lost lots of weight. So I HAD to have it out during my pregnancy. After getting it out I developed a serious form of Acid Reflux Disease. Not just little bitty heart burn. Acid Reflux feels SO MUCH WORSE than heart burn!! Trust me, I know cuz I have both and always had heart burn.
Then my thyroid went south. Try going along life with a malfunctioning thyroid all of a sudden. It's a shock!!! It's still up and down like a yo-yo and it's very taxing. I'm losing all my hair and that's the least of the problems it's caused.
My health problems have been coming steadily since I carried Sophie. A broken hand, thumb, foot. Mono twice. Pneumonia. Daily migraines. Sleep Apnea. Now Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome and my endometriosis is worse. You realize that endo. is messed up, right? It can cement your insides to each other and can be excruciatingly painful and debilitating. PCOS causes all sorts of problems!!! Anyway, the list is HUGE. Sure I don't have Diabetes or Cancer or Multiple Sclerosis, but you know what? I'd rather have ONE health problem like that than multiple ones like mine that hit me all at once!!!!
Plus the weight gain. Wow. Try gaining like 50 lbs in 3 years, people, on a small frame. It's very taxing and painful! It puts so much pressure and strain on your body. It's different than always having been heavy, ya know? My body is not used to this!!!
Sorry I complain so much. Just try to see where I'm coming from!!! All of this IN 3-4 YEARS!!!! It's VERY SUDDEN and a LOT to handle!!!
To top it off Tyler lost his job, I can't make hardly a penny to help out, we lost our car, we almost got evicted, we've been sued............ okay I can go on but you all have heard all that before. It's just been a lot!
I know those who haven't been through what we're going through can judge and say we brought it on ourselves or that we're doing something wrong.
NOT. Sorry to let you down, but it's nothing stupid we've done. I promise.
I prayed about all of these things we've been going through and Heavenly Father told me as plain as day that Tyler and I are BOTH REQUIRED to go through it. There's NO OTHER WAY. So that helps me to know that.

Okay, so all of this has been giving both Tyler and I major chest pains and headaches and migraines.
Tyler's chest pains were bad when he was in his EMT class so the paramedics said, "no screwing around where chest pain is" and sent him via ambulance to the Emergency Room!
So I get this phone call from a fairly calm Tyler saying they think he might be having a heart attack or something else and to come to him. He wanted me there. He didn't say to call anyone else. All I could think of was MY ETERNAL COMPANION WAS IN THE ER POSSIBLY DYING!!!!!!!! I'm NOT going to be thinking of anyone else except maybe mine and his parents.
Really sucky thing was his parents were in Idaho celebrating Joe's (Tyler's little brother) graduation from PA school. Which was totally narly!!!! But they couldn't be here!!
Anyway, I had NO way of getting to Tyler so I called my dad first to tell him and ask for a ride. Dad said to call Daniel cuz he was here in town near me so I called Daniel to get a ride. Then I called Tyler's dad. While Tyler and my dad were talking to me I was already on Facebook and so I felt impressed to write my status letting my friends and family know that way. There was NO WAY I was going to call his siblings or mine or our friends about this cuz I'm Tyler's number 1 and he's my number 1 and my first priority was to get myself to my husband's side. Well, I knew that our dads would let our siblings know, cuz that's just how that works out right?
Anyway, it took FOREVER for my bro to get to me!!!! I waited 45 minutes. I was such a wreck!!!!! I finally got to my husband's side and when he saw me he just teared up and I held him and we cried.
It was so scary and really shook us both up so much!!!!!
I was so glad that my parents and sister and two of tyler's siblings could get there to be with him while he waited for me.
Anyway, that was so taxing on me.
I mean I could've lost my husband of almost 7 years and my Eternal Companion and father of my children and my best friend!!!!!!! I was so upset!!!
Okay, so that happened.
Then just like two or three days later a very inconsiderate and VERY MISINFORMED AND GOSSIPED TO person told me basically that it was my fault that Tyler had those chest pains and told me to make sure it would never happen again.
OH MY GOSH I ABOUT DIED!!!!!!! I was SO SHOCKED and hurt and taken aback and disgusted. Wow. HOW COULD SOMEBODY SAY THAT TO SOMEONE??????????
I can only assume this person was greatly misinformed about how things run at my house AND it was NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!
They wouldn't even tell me what they were talking about... no details, no explanation, nothing. I'm still left guessing what they were getting at. I'm still bothered by it, and I shouldn't be! I should just forget it and let it go!!!
Well, with that weighing me down then having problems with me sharing about MY husband to my own family and friends (a couple people didn't like me talking about MY husband and publicly humiliated me) and then my husband being pressured by people....... WOW. It was way too much.
I hit my breaking point.
I really did.
Tyler is doing okay now. He still has some chest pain but it's not heart attack. He's undiagnosed for now. When we get insurance BOTH Tyler and I will be seeing my dad's cardiologist who is just EXCELLENT. Gary Symkoviak I think in SLC. Anyway, it's really expensive, but I've been told by my reg doc and other docs I see to get my heart checked ASAP. I just haven't because it costs so much!!! So we'll just have to wait.
Anyway, all of this was just too much. TOO MUCH!!!!
I haven't had a break or vacation in such a very long time. There hasn't been a break of breathing room or good news in such a long time for us that it's just been too much. Then on top of that I have all these people from a specific group that really despise me and blame me for everything and have no compassion, empathy, understanding, love, charity or anything for me and they just constantly go up and down with me and when it's down they really beat me!!!! It's more than anyone can take.
I'D HAD IT.
I hurried upstairs on Monday afternoon to cry where Tyler and the girls wouldn't hear me. But I'd also started having an asthma attack. I'm not sure if it was from allergies or from the stress/anxiety, but I have a feeling it was the latter.
The asthma made it very difficult to breath and so I hid my face in my bed to sob. I couldn't help it. I was more upset than I realized and I sobbed very hard and loudly so I tried to keep myself quiet. I don't cry very often. I feel pathetic when I do.
So while I was sobbing and trying to breath I kept coughing and coughing anc crying harder and harder. I got more and more upset. I'm sure the adversary was playing with me. Using others as tools to pull me down and using my own insecurities to make it all worse.
I started to hyperventilate. I couldn't stop!! It got worse and worse. I remember thinking "i can't breath! I can't get air in!" and I couldn't stop!! I tried but could not. I kept coughing and sobbing and gasping for air and felt trapped. I couldn't even move. I was seeing stars and black around my eyes and soooo weak and cold. I remember Sophie coming in and saying, as if I'd called for her, "What mommy?" I know that Heavenly Father sent her in to me to save me. She went and got daddy cuz suddenly Tyler had put me on my side. He was talking to me but I don't know what he was saying. I remember he asked me if I wanted him to call the paramedics and I shook my head NO! I did NOT want that attention or embarrassment!!! Esp after Tyler had already been hauled in the ambulance just a few days before!!
I remember Tyler helping me stand and walk. I couldn't hardly even move my own feet! It was so weird and hard! I felt weak, heavy, uncoordinated, and confused. He managed to get me to the ER and I guess a neighbor lady took the girls.
At the ER I remember a lady saying my name and looking me right in my face and forcing my eyes open. There was a mask on my face and it made it harder to breath and it was so hard! I couldn't even move my hands to take the mask off! I wanted it OFF my face! I was so cold and I remember the room was really bright. Then she was telling me to hold my breath. It was so hard!!! I would try but would cough instead. But I guess it did help. After what seemed like an Eternity my gasps of air weren't so strong and hard and I was soooooooooo tired!!!! I felt like I'd just run a marathon! And YES I know what it's like to run a very long distance, people. Remember I used to be in top notch shape and used to run very fast in very long distances.
Then I think I fell asleep. Then I remember seeing Tyler and I was okay. I could suddenly breath. I was just soo exhausted. Then the pain came.
It started in my neck, head and back. And then my legs, arms, then finally my chest then my lungs. WOW it hurt!! I was so sore I felt like I'd been beat up. I also realize at that time that I was soaking wet with sweat!! Yuck!
All I could do was apologize to Tyler over and over again. I felt like such a fool.
Tyler later told me that at home my respirations were at 84 a minute which is like what a newborn breaths. And my pulse was at 104. My heart was super racing. I couldn't even feel my heart during all of this so that surprised me.
Just try to breath in and out as fast as you possibly can and hard and that's what it was like. Then do that for AN HOUR STRAIGHT.
My blood pressure was 143/84 or something like that. VERY HIGH for me. I'm normally 115/72 or less. Over time these dropped, of course.
If I hadn't gotten control with the mask and trying to control it myself they would've intubated me and knocked me out to save my life.
Tyler said I was hanging by a thread pretty much. It was very serious.

So yeah, there you go. I had an adventure.
That let me know that I've reached my limit. Or hopefully I have or hopefully I haven't. I know that the Lord doesn't put us through more than we can handle, so I am just praying that things will start to work out for us now.

Now, one bit of possible really good news that we just got tonight!!
Tyler got a letter back from the University of Utah Cardiology Department saying that his resume and application have been submitted to the hiring department!!!!!!!!!!!!! So he is so close to getting the job!!!!! Of course they let him know that this can take weeks, but that's okay because our contract is up Oct 1 and if it all works out just right we could move up to SLC at that time if Tyler gets this job. WOW it would be sooooo wonderful!
This job is an on-call job but full time. Pretty narly, eh? He'd be an EKG Technician. (heart monitoring stuff).

You know what? I'm really soooo proud of my Tyler!!! I KNEW he had it in him!! And you know what also? If I'd gone to work full time and gone to school I don't know if he would've realized his strength and potential. We BOTH followed the spirit when it came to making these decisions. You know that in each family and marriage that choices they make are between the two and with God, not anybody else, and these are the decisions we made based on following the Spirit. It's been hard, but it's been worth it so far.
I am proud of both of us for remaining faithful in the Gospel of Jesus Christ throughout all of this. Our faith has been greatly tried and we've been tempted and toyed with and ridiculed, rejected, backstabbed, hurt, attacked, and so on and so forth enough that I think it could've caused anybody to lose their faith and fall away. But our testimonies remain firm, we continue in faith, and that brings peace and happiness into our home. That brings strength to ride these currents that we could not have gained in any other way. I know this with all my heart!!

So there's our latest update as of now.
If any of you don't like what I write, too bad, cuz this is about MY PERSONAL EMMEDIATE FAMILY! lol
And I feel impressed to share our story, as personal as some of you may find it, I'm going to continue to follow impressions I receive, even if it includes posting updates on Facebook and Twitter, etc. lol

Anyway, I am so grateful for marrying Tyler. He's grown by leaps and bounds and has turned into such a strong and good man!!! He truly is my "knight in shining armour"!!! I try my best at supporting him in everything as he does for me. I let him pretty much do whatever he wants because I know he'll always make the righteous and smart choice. He's such a good man and has come through so much. I am so grateful for the Gospel and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. The people are NOT PERFECT!!!!! But the church is, period. I know that the commandments and "rules" God gives us is for our good and if we follow them faithfully we'll be happy and feel fulfilled and satisfied. If we keep our faith and endure we are blessed and Christ literally helps carry our burdons so that they don't feel as heavy as they really are. I know that Christ is living and that he loves me and that he KNOWS my heart and what I'm going through. I know he's here for me. And I love how I was brought up in the truthfulness and shown the correct way to go. I am so happy for such righteous parents that follow the commandments and have NEVER fallen away. They are so amazing to me in that way. And I know we all owe it to their parents for raising them so well, and so on and so forth. I hope to do the same for my dear daughters that God has entrusted us with to teach the truth and show the way to.
Anyway, I know these things in my heart. And I know anybody can if they want to and if they seek for it.
Good night y'all. Have a good one, and if you feel so inclined, pray that Tyler gets this EKG Tech job at the U of U. It'd be such a relief!!!!!!!