So I'm feeling depressed....... :(

I wish I didn't feel this way right now but I'm sad. I'm sad that Lacie can't go to the Charter School that accepted her because I couldn't find her a ride there and I feel like I've let her down. I'm sad that even though Tyler DID officially get hired at his job, he's only making as much as he did on unemployment! I'm so mad about that. He has 2 1/2 years experience and is working GRAVEYARDS and loooooong hours and shares his tools and gets paid the same as people just starting getting trained!! AND, this makes me even more sad and mad, he doesn't get paid legal overtime. His boss "banks" his money! His boss doesn't record their long hours overtime that they work so that he can pay them under the table cash by the hour so he doesn't have to pay them time-and-a-half. I'm like WHAT??? So his boss is basically STEALING from Tyler and all his co-workers.
AND, another thing that makes me sad, is that not only is his boss doing that but he just stopped paying for their travel time. So the hour spent driving to work and from work he's not paid for so that's another 2 hours lost of his time. He's driving his own truck there and hauling things for them and they *say* they'll pay for the gas, etc., but we have yet to see it. If Tyler doesn't drive himself then he gets stuck with a car full of men who smoke the entire hour drive to and from work, with their dirty vulgar language and attitudes. It's made Tyler feel SICK.
He did NOT want to go to work tonight!!! He has a very very sore throat, it's swollen and red, and he can't go to the doctor!! And then he'll have to be around dishonest, lazy, dirty, vulgar, smoking people all night long which he HATES. He gets along with everybody, but that doesn't mean he likes what stuff people do. It doesn't mean he supports people's bad behavior. So he's really struggling right now.
He and I both feel that this job is very temporary and we're just praying our hearts out that he gets a better job! There have been a few potentially really good job openings that Tyler has applied for that he qualifies for and we're just really hoping Heavenly Father blesses us with one of these jobs! I really, really feel Tyler deserves it, we all do!

So I'm sitting up feeling restless and sad tonight. Our sleep schedules are messed up right now and we're confused as to what's going to happen with us soon.
Lacie just started school and it's going to break my heart and hurt her to have to get up and move her to another school when we have to move in a month. :(

Another thing that's got me all upset is that there's a neighbor who doesn't like me. Not for anything I've done, I promise. She doesn't like me for being an active Latter Day Saint. (one of the only ones in the neighborhood. The other active lady is hated, too).
Anyway, she has called the police on me 3 times now!!! She has lied to the police telling them that we lock the girls outside and don't let them back in and let them play in the street all day. It's sickening that she could say such awful things! So the police are seriously tired of having to come out on these phony calls. They tell me they have to come and that they can see that I am OBVIOUSLY supervising my girls and that they are NOT locked out and that these calls are a waste of their time and money to come out on. The last cop said he was going to contact the person who keeps calling and tell her to knock it off or we'll press charges of harassment and that she's wasting time and money on making stories up that they just don't have time to deal with.
So we'll see how that goes.

Anyway, pray that Tyler gets either the job at the U of U Cardiologist center as the EKG Tech or out at Tooele Army Depot working for the Gov't as an EMT. Both jobs have benefits and pay well and we'd have to move, but we need that. I just feel soooo sad and bad for Lacie! My poor little girl!!

I thank Heavenly Father for the job Tyler did get! Even though it's been very hard on all of us and it's not the best circumstances and it's not honest how he's being paid, but a job's a job! He also has to work on Sunday nights, which is SO disappointing!! They're PLUMBERS! It's weird to work graveyards and Sunday's and weekends.
I also thank Heavenly Father for my two healthy and beautiful daughters. I thank him for a husband that is more than willing to do whatever it takes to take care of me and the girls, despite the working conditions, despite how tired he gets, despite everything! He's such an amazing man and I'm so lucky to have him! I know too many men these days that are soft and a bit selfish and just won't do it. It gets to the point to where they just expect their wives to pick up and make the money on top of cooking and cleaning and watching kids. It's completely unfair and wrong I think. I'm so blessed to have a husband who is not like this!
I also am so grateful for my testimony, Tyler's testimony, our activity in the church, and that we can go to the Temple together, that we're an Eternal family, and that we have a nice landlord that has been working with us. I'm grateful for my talents, I'm grateful for supportive family and friends, and I'm grateful for all the millions of avenues I have to reach out for knowledge, support, guidance, direction, love and peace.
I will continue to be faithful and pray that something works out for us so that we can start paying our bills off so poor Tyler can get his throat and ears checked and I can get my heart checked (it's getting worse every day. I can't even tell you how awful it feels now).

Okay, now hopefully I can get some sleep tonight. I've been sleep deprived for days now. Like 3-4 hours of sleep a night, even less than Tyler's been getting. I'm just way overly stressed and anxious.

Modeling Experience & Spiritual Thoughts

So I modeled for Co/Ma Clothing last night at the Masonic Temple in SLC. It was THE experience. Like THE WEIRDEST experience! lol

So I like Coby's clothes (Co/Ma stands for Coby & Marita) so I like to model them. No I cannot wear my Temple Garments with his clothes, but most models do not wear theirs and I find it as being my WORK they cannot be used all the time, like lifeguards, etc. Anyway, I modeled one of his newest outfits and it was soooo cute! It was very comfortable for me, too. I got to borrow Mollee's "hooker" boots and those were comfy, too. Yeah, I know what most of you are probably thinking. Well, we all have different lines of work and unless my work asks me to be immoral or lose my standards I'm okay with it (I won't break my morals or standards). I LOVE what I do for very many reasons.

Okay, now to get down to what I was originally going to talk about! lol

I have had strange dreams half my life that are very satanic and ritualistic in nature. I haven't always been scared in them, knowing I've been protected in these dreams and they aren't REAL, but they're very detailed, graphic and horrific. I cannot tell my dreams to hardly anybody I know because they are so grotesque and bring a bad spirit.

When we drove up to the Masonic Temple and I saw it for the first time that I can ever remember it struck me hard that I have dreamed about this place. I've had multiple dreams about a certain part of this temple.

On the front, when facing it, to the left of the main steps leading to the main entrance is another entrance. It's barred shut. There are at least 3 sets of different locked doors to go through to reach whatever lies inside. In my dreams I've been able to go into these doors but at night when it's been very dark. VERY dark. There are lights from within but mostly lit by torches on the walls. Anyway, I don't remember everything but I do remember that inside are symbolic Egyptian things for certain and specific ceremonies. Some of which are kinda graphic. I won't go into more detail than that. But when we pulled up to the temple all of these memories flashed back to me. I was suddenly afraid, but not afraid. I was afraid because I knew I wasn't supposed to be here but not afraid because I knew I was protected nonetheless and no harm would come to me.

The entire night I was very numb. There were all sorts of people there. Some nice, some not so nice. Anyway, to make a longer story shorter, there was very hard music and even some nicer music. There were good performances that night and some not so good. The movies they showed on their big projector screen were VERY graphic and horrific and pornographic and were traumatizing to say in the least. There were KIDS there watching this crap!! A band played that was just all crap to me. I couldn't believe how desensitized these people were! The thought came to my mind that oh, this is why people think Obama is a good man. They're desensitized and have been deceived. Just because someone seems "nice" does not mean they're good!!

I was glad that I had the Spirit with me and was protected all night. I felt like I was apart from all the goings-on of the event and like I was in a bubble. Everyone left me alone and I didn't feel tempted to mix or mingle (like I used to) or to join in with anybody for anything. I kept seperate but was still there.

The modeling itself was done and over with extremely quickly. The prep lasted HOURS! I like my fellow models. None are active or LDS (one or the other). I am SURE I was the ONLY Endowed member at this event last night. I felt ever grateful for my iron clad testimony and that I will not let myself be so easily deceived. Common Spiritual reasoning keeps me from falling into the subtle and smooth temptations of Satan and his angels.

I know for sure that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is GOD'S CHURCH & KINGDOM and that all the truths and all the saving ordinances are to be found there-in. I'm sure we can feel the Spirit in other places and experience great and good things elsewhere, but I know for sure that in order to be with God again and our family for eternity, and to have peace, joy and happiness for eternity, that we must follow the teachings, commandments & ordinances that are found within the L.D.S. church.

While members and non-members alike are falling away by the hundreds and even thousands by listening to the subtle whisperings and hard threatenings of Satan and his angels I know that there is a certain peace and sureity that can be found only among God's people and in God's church and being worthy to enter God's Holy Houses.

While people are trying to justify being gay and marrying gay partners, and justifying allowing others to kill their unborn or newly unborn, or justifying allowing our religious freedoms and freedom to worship how, WHERE or what we may, there is still TRUTH out there. There are still fundamental truths that will be the very things that will save us in these last days if we but follow them in faith.

I'm grateful for a husband that NOW has his own testimony and that tries his best to follow the commandments of God and even more importantly, or as important actually, that he follows the still, small voice of the Holy Ghost. I am grateful for my membership in God's kingdom and for the Gift of the Holy Ghost that I have. I am grateful that my family and I are sealed together for Time & all Eternity. Unlike popular belief, you will NOT be with your family in the next life without these Temple and saving ordinances, and I am so grateful that Tyler and I are worthy for them!

Anyway, going to events like the one I went to last night just solidify my testimony even more and for that I am also grateful.

I would like to close this in the Name of Jesus Christ. Amen.