So, yesterday I saw my midwife who checked me over and set me up for an ultrasound of my (code word now) B. I have feeling there isn't anything. I think it's just that the weight I'm gaining is being weird where it goes hahaha. But I don't know. My ultrasound is on Monday and I PRAY it's a woman and not a man that does it! Yipes! But at least Tyler will be there so if the dude steps a hair out of line I'm sure he'll kick his trash for me :D hee hee.
So things aren't better around here. My doctor did do something nice for me. I ran out of my Synthroid and I think that because I've run out and been taking it wrong is why I've been gaining lots of weight, getting tired and sluggish, etc. So, he sent over permission for me to get the generic brand instead so it's only 4.00 bucks at the Walmart Pharmacy instead of 40.00!!!! So we got some today. We had 6 bucks left so just enough with 2 bucks to spare! Yes! Our prayer was answered last night.
Also, y'all know that Tyler's been seriously considering the military, right? Well, the Air Force is a definite NO because they're soooooo picky about who they let in, and all military branches reached their quota early in the year so they're being especially picky about who they let in. Tyler's past is still haunting him in the present and will be hung over his head for the remainder of his life here. It's unfortunate, but a natural consequence. I hate seeing people be stupid with their outrageously rebellious actions and attitudes. They're killing themselves and their families with their selfish actions, behaviors and attitudes.
So we have met with the Utah National Guard and the Army. We know that recruiters don't tell everything to you straight, especially when they're really desperate to get recruits, but the most recent recruiter we met with seemed as straight as they can get with his answers to us. He's with the Army Reserve. Tyler is considering going Active Duty with the United States Army. THE ARMY ARMY!!!! Yipes!!!! His background pictures on his PC is of Army dudes in full battle gear holding their M16's. LOL. He's sooo hiped!!
Well, they let him pass the first part. The part where his background was making it impossible to enter the Air Force. So we just heard that today and Tyler is SO excited. I am a bit, too. I'm happy to hear that they'll look past that.
Tyler will be taking the practice ASVAB in the recruiters office on Tuesday sometime, then right after that then he'll go up to SLC to take the real thing then he'll pick his job, get a physical, and get a huge background check done, then sign up and he'll be officially enlisted in the US Army!!! WOW.
Here's what's new with me besides the B thing.
I've gained 20 POUNDS in 3 WEEKS. In the last 3 months I've gained over 40 lbs!!! I am the heaviest I have ever been.
I am completely disgusted with myself. And very disappointed. I know that most of it is not my fault, and I also know that most people will not believe that, especially those that are naturally skinny and/or naturally healthy.
I know I used to judge people that I didn't know for being heavy/fat and I would think they were trying to "pass the buck" by saying "it's health issues". Well I know for sure now that there are valid cases where health issues made someone gain weight and which makes it harder and harder to lose it. Sure, there are those few who are lazy and sit around and eat crap all day that get fat THEN get sick, but it seems that those who get sick THEN fat are automatically put into that group of "you're fat cuz you're lazy and eat crappy" group just for how they look.
SO, after all that blabbing from me, I'm tired of being judged like this. I'm tired of people looking down on me.
But, I also am tired of how I feel. I am tired of my gut being in my way and feeling tired after I go up and down stairs, and tired after cleaning a room in the house.
So, along with Tyler, I am going to start working out. We are going to jog every night or every other night and do other work outs on the days we don't jog/run. We're going to cut sugar out of our diets (and that includes drinks) because everyone that has any sense will know that SUGAR MAKES PEOPLE FAT. DUH!!! lol
It doesn't matter what your genes are, if you eat sugar every day you're gonna gain weight, UNLESS you're very, very active like I used to be.
Being skinny came so so easy to me. I could eat whatever I wanted and as much of it as I wanted to because of everything I used to do, AND, because I was healthy!!
You know what drives me nuts? Seeing parents feeding their kids fast foods and pop and sugary drinks, candy, just plain ol' junk food, starting them with a lifetime of obesity or just plain heaviness. I know I grew up in a house where these foods were an extreme rarity. Us kids were all skinny and very fit and healthy. I rarely ever had to see the doctor growing up, none of us kids did. My parents were not perfect, but they did a LOT of things so right for us. They taught us how to have testimonies of our own which you cannot put a price on and I am Eternally indebted to them and owe my life to them for that and number two they raised us healthy. They encouraged sports, cleaning/chores, good eating and good habits. Because I have a horrible sugar tooth, I would sneak and buy my own junk food every day from the time I was 9 or 10 and on up until this day. WOW that's been stupid. All the wasted money!!
So, Lacie seems to have the same sugar addiction issues I do so we want to try to train her while young that sugar is BAD. Plus, it makes her act bad.
Anyway, I want to make some changes in my life. I have a LONG LONG LONG way to go and this is incredibly hard but I HAVE to do it!! I feel that Satan is keeping me low to prevent me from fulfilling my mission in life and I have to fight it!
In this process I will NEED desperately encouragement from my friends and family. I will need the support necessary to help me not give up or quit. I am not invincible but need constant support. That's just the way it is. It's very difficult.
I'm NOT going to "cheat" and get vit B shots or hcg shots or take diet pills of ANY kind, etc., etc. I want to do this 100% naturally. The reason for this is so that I can feel better about myself and be able to say that I did it all by myself and so that I can form healthy and positive habits so I won't fall back into old bad habits.
If anybody wants to work out with me or run with us PLEASE do so!!!! If anybody wants to contribute healthy shakes/smoothies, simple healthy meal plans, or any words of encouragement, please contribute! Please email me here or call me or whatever.
Also, if anybody wants to give their advice for which branch of military to do please tell us! We need input!! And Also, Active Duty or Reserves??
okay, me signing off now. We're going to go jog around our park tonight with the girls in our non-jogging stroller.
Well the girls have been REALLY sick. For like 2 weeks!! Lacie's missed over a week of school and we've missed a couple weeks of church now (besides Conference Weekend).
Sophie had a really high fever for days. Today it's still around a 100. We took them to the after hours on Sunday night and they found that Sophie had a really bad ear infection and Lacie a sinus infection but Sophie's high fever was TOO high for that and they both had nasty coughs. Sophie had also thrown up a day before.
So they sent us to the ER to be tested for Influenza and the H1N1 Virus (Swine Flu).
Both of those turned out negative!! But they said that the girls had all the typical symptoms of the Swine Flu so told us to stay indoors and if we HAD to leave then the girls would have to wear masks.
Poor girls have nasty coughs now. They've complained of body aches, head aches, sore throats, stomach aches. Lacie's getting much better now, though, just has a lingering cough. They're both on antibiotics so I'm sure that's helping them than, goodness!
Now for the Mammogram thing.
This is a bit embarrassing for me and personal so please bear with me. I've been having pain in a B (=breast) for several months now. I tried changing to all natural deodorant which has helped a little bit, but the pain is still there. For a while there it was so painful and I had a lump in my underarm that hurt, too.
Well, just two days ago I noticed that one of my B's was bigger than the other which is NOT normal for me. I mean, it was very noticeable. Tyler even noticed it and said it was a significant change.
I thought about it for a day and then decided to call my midwife today even though their office was closed. In just a couple hours I got a call back and they said they'll have to schedule a mammogram. They asked if I've ever had one, which if course I have not. So on Tuesday I have to go in and see my Midwife who'll check and see which type of test would be the best (i.e. mammogram &/or biopsy).
I'm scared!!!
Perhaps it's just an infection, right? Or something else? The symptoms I have fit Inflammatory Breast Cancer. PRAY I DON'T!
I tell you, every week it's something new....................
My little brother, Mike, got his mission call!!! It took no time at all. I can't believe they process them so quickly nowadays!
So he and one of his best friends were camped out on lawn chairs next to the mailbox, waiting for the unsuspecting mailman to come.
They weren't sure if it was coming today or not but nonetheless there they sat and waiting anxiously. They even had a Frisbee for an occasional Frisbee-toss.
Well, the mailman came and put the mail in the neighbors box next to my brother's and Mike noticed that there was a church envelope in his car but when the mailman handed the stack of mail to Michael the church envelope was not included.
Mike was so disappointed!
So the mailman drove off.
Then he stopped and backed up. The trash can was in his way so he drove forward again. Mike's thinking "what's he doing?"
Then he backed up around the trash can until he reached Mike and handed out through his window a big, white envelope from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints on it.
MICHAEL'S MISSION CALL!!!!!!!
So last night we all gathered (minus Erik & his fam, Erik was at a work meeting in SLC and Alicia was just home) at 9:30pm. We waited around for a bit for more people to arrive. Mike Liu came, Benji Patron, Susan Searle from across the street (one of Mike's best friends' mom) and a few of Joshua's friends, Caleb Cox, and a couple people via speakerphone, Mike's friend Levi, and Glenn recorded it while he opened the envelope and began to read.
We all had guessed where he'd go. Guessing anywhere, really.
He's going to Nagoya Japan!!!!!!!!!!!!
Glenn when to Tokyo! So it was the coolest thing having Glenn's li'l bro going to the mission right next door to his own! So awesome! Mike already speaks some Japanese so he was really thrilled.
OH MY GOSH I'm so excited for him!!!!!!!
YEA!!!!!!!! Mission's ROCK!!!
Here's the link to the video of him opening his call!:
Michael Opening His Mission Call
So I realize that a lot of my blog postings are of a negative nature or feeling. I really try not to do that. I really try to be positive, as much as is possible for me anyway.
Well the last two days have been humbling, painful, inspiring, and a learning experience for me.
First, some people will never, ever see what they do wrong. They will never acknowledge when they've done wrong, caused major harm to others, and never will be sorry or repent of it. Either they just don't get it or they actually do mean harm. Or both. I know that someone can do both because both of these reasons came from one and the same person in direct attack against me and my family.
Somebody who was a friend several years ago caused a fight with spreading rumors to all of her friends and it came back to her. She blamed it on everybody else but herself, putting herself as the victim when in fact, she was the instigator and made it worse than it should've been.
Instead of getting an apology for the hurt she caused between many of her friends she retaliated.
Now, years later, when she learned of another friendship I have with someone else she stepped in and made it a point to contact this person and vomit her lies and stories to her about me. Only this time it was horrendous lies and stories that left both Tyler and I shocked beyond words. When it started to sink in after I heard what she'd been saying about me, I broke down and sobbed. She said awful things about some of our family and about my dear Tyler, and about my own little girls. She twisted the very few facts she knew about and added complete and full stories and lies. It was, just, WOW.
To think that somebody can carry a grudge that was self-inflicted for this many years, and then at first chance they have at continuing an attack after so much time, is very unfortunate on many levels.
She has caused my family much harm. And we don't even know the extent of her evil and lying gossiping and we're afraid to ever find out. She went out of her way to try to make our life more miserable than it already was. She possibly ruined a little job I had making a little extra money a month that was paying for a few things like gasoline, food, and some of my medication. But now it's gone, and it's hard not to blame it on this person.
I learned that when you give someone an extra chance that has lied and gossiped in the past that you are taking a great risk.
There is a difference between forgiveness and befriending someone who's caused serious harm. You can forgive someone but that does not mean you have to be friends with that person or even ever talk to them again. You don't have to have any contact at all and still forgive them. Here's how you do it. You forgive and never forget. And that's not wrong. The Lord never, ever told us to forgive AND forget. Only HE does this for us. He has commanded us to forgive all men their "trespasses", even 70x7 times that they offend you. But he has never commanded us to forget what they've done.
There's a saying, and I know I have this wrong so correct me here, but it goes something like this:
"Fool me once, shame on YOU. Fool me twice, shame on ME".
Well, I learned this first hand over the last 3 days. And it hit me HARD. And my family. It has caused irreversible damage. It's going to take me a while to completely forgive this confused, deranged person for what they've done to me and my family. But I will eventually. But I will never, ever have anything to do with them again. And may God forgive her for what she's done.
Also the last 2 days I have been in a lot of pain, physically. It comes in waves, but it's almost constant. My I.C. has flared up and it's almost more than I can bear. I can understand how untreated I.C. can land someone in a wheelchair and bedridden. I can barely move, barely walk, and it's seriously like I'm in labor plus a tearing, sharp pain. I feel like broken glass is being mixed in my pelvis. Just remember that Interstitial Cystitis is NOT caused by weight, it's 100% INCURABLE so please people stop telling me to lose weight and it'd go away. Even eating "right" won't heal it. Nor will exercise. Believe me. There are thousands of people who've tried all of this. It flares up from time to time. The cause is unknown, and there is little treatment for it. I do need medication for it. 3 pills a day. But 1 pill is around 150.00 a month, another is around 65 a month and I didn't figure out the 3rd one cuz I was too disgusted and discouraged with the first two prices. We don't have insurance or any money for this. So I suffer. And I don't get much compassion for it. I wish I could do something about it, but I cannot.
It's like telling someone who has MS or type 1 diabetes to "suck it up" or "lose weight and you'll get better" or "eat right and it won't bother you", etc. um WRONG.
So yeah, I've been in a LOT of pain.
The reason why I brought this up and talked forever about it is that there is something about pain that can bring one to being humble.
I find it interesting that the same weekend that this enemy of ours attacked us again was the same weekend my I.C. has flared up, and also the same weekend as General Conference.
I tell you what it's made me extremely emotional. Crying over being hurt by someone's poisonous vomit called gossip, then hurting from my disease flaring up, then feeling the spirit in huge overwhelming waves has caused a lot of different emotions to surface for me.
But, through all of this, it's humbled me a little bit, just enough to sit and listen to our Prophets & Apostles and soak up their profoundly inspired messages to the world; to me.
I was very touched this weekend with a feeling of peace and calm, of love and patience. Of understanding. Of hope and healing. I am grateful for the trials that I have gone through.
Not that I'd do it all over again (HAHAHA) but that they've taught me more than I could have ever learned in any other way. They've really humbled me; softened me! They've made me rely on my testimony and on Jesus Christ.
I've been tested in so many ways.
My testimony was tested on many different levels. My loyalty was tested, my understanding, patience, endurance, faith, stability, strength. And more that I am sure that I do not even realize.
I have found that I do not waver in my testimony. I questioned some things for a time, for sure, but I cannot deny what I know to be true and what I've seen my whole life and more importantly, what the power of God has spoken to me through the Spirit. Everything always brings me back to what I know to be true. It all brings me back to truth, to hope, to faith. And I don't give up. I can't. No matter what happens, I just cannot give up or give in.
There is a lesson to be learned in everything.
Whether you're the victim or the instigator. Whether you're wrong or right. Whether you're being very tried or the one watching someone else being tried. There's always something important to be learned.
I just hope that I can continue to see the lessons in all that we have been going through and have yet to go through.
Meantime I'm sure I'll do some more crying until this weekend is completely over and my physical pain lets up, and I can officially get over the immense pain that this old "friend" of mine caused, and hopefully I'll never stop crying over the powerful influences of the Spirit of God that touches my life every single day.
