Overcome With Emotion

So I realize that a lot of my blog postings are of a negative nature or feeling. I really try not to do that. I really try to be positive, as much as is possible for me anyway.
Well the last two days have been humbling, painful, inspiring, and a learning experience for me.
First, some people will never, ever see what they do wrong. They will never acknowledge when they've done wrong, caused major harm to others, and never will be sorry or repent of it. Either they just don't get it or they actually do mean harm. Or both. I know that someone can do both because both of these reasons came from one and the same person in direct attack against me and my family.
Somebody who was a friend several years ago caused a fight with spreading rumors to all of her friends and it came back to her. She blamed it on everybody else but herself, putting herself as the victim when in fact, she was the instigator and made it worse than it should've been.
Instead of getting an apology for the hurt she caused between many of her friends she retaliated.
Now, years later, when she learned of another friendship I have with someone else she stepped in and made it a point to contact this person and vomit her lies and stories to her about me. Only this time it was horrendous lies and stories that left both Tyler and I shocked beyond words. When it started to sink in after I heard what she'd been saying about me, I broke down and sobbed. She said awful things about some of our family and about my dear Tyler, and about my own little girls. She twisted the very few facts she knew about and added complete and full stories and lies. It was, just, WOW.
To think that somebody can carry a grudge that was self-inflicted for this many years, and then at first chance they have at continuing an attack after so much time, is very unfortunate on many levels.
She has caused my family much harm. And we don't even know the extent of her evil and lying gossiping and we're afraid to ever find out. She went out of her way to try to make our life more miserable than it already was. She possibly ruined a little job I had making a little extra money a month that was paying for a few things like gasoline, food, and some of my medication. But now it's gone, and it's hard not to blame it on this person.

I learned that when you give someone an extra chance that has lied and gossiped in the past that you are taking a great risk.
There is a difference between forgiveness and befriending someone who's caused serious harm. You can forgive someone but that does not mean you have to be friends with that person or even ever talk to them again. You don't have to have any contact at all and still forgive them. Here's how you do it. You forgive and never forget. And that's not wrong. The Lord never, ever told us to forgive AND forget. Only HE does this for us. He has commanded us to forgive all men their "trespasses", even 70x7 times that they offend you. But he has never commanded us to forget what they've done.
There's a saying, and I know I have this wrong so correct me here, but it goes something like this:
"Fool me once, shame on YOU. Fool me twice, shame on ME".
Well, I learned this first hand over the last 3 days. And it hit me HARD. And my family. It has caused irreversible damage. It's going to take me a while to completely forgive this confused, deranged person for what they've done to me and my family. But I will eventually. But I will never, ever have anything to do with them again. And may God forgive her for what she's done.

Also the last 2 days I have been in a lot of pain, physically. It comes in waves, but it's almost constant. My I.C. has flared up and it's almost more than I can bear. I can understand how untreated I.C. can land someone in a wheelchair and bedridden. I can barely move, barely walk, and it's seriously like I'm in labor plus a tearing, sharp pain. I feel like broken glass is being mixed in my pelvis. Just remember that Interstitial Cystitis is NOT caused by weight, it's 100% INCURABLE so please people stop telling me to lose weight and it'd go away. Even eating "right" won't heal it. Nor will exercise. Believe me. There are thousands of people who've tried all of this. It flares up from time to time. The cause is unknown, and there is little treatment for it. I do need medication for it. 3 pills a day. But 1 pill is around 150.00 a month, another is around 65 a month and I didn't figure out the 3rd one cuz I was too disgusted and discouraged with the first two prices. We don't have insurance or any money for this. So I suffer. And I don't get much compassion for it. I wish I could do something about it, but I cannot.
It's like telling someone who has MS or type 1 diabetes to "suck it up" or "lose weight and you'll get better" or "eat right and it won't bother you", etc. um WRONG.
So yeah, I've been in a LOT of pain.
The reason why I brought this up and talked forever about it is that there is something about pain that can bring one to being humble.
I find it interesting that the same weekend that this enemy of ours attacked us again was the same weekend my I.C. has flared up, and also the same weekend as General Conference.
I tell you what it's made me extremely emotional. Crying over being hurt by someone's poisonous vomit called gossip, then hurting from my disease flaring up, then feeling the spirit in huge overwhelming waves has caused a lot of different emotions to surface for me.
But, through all of this, it's humbled me a little bit, just enough to sit and listen to our Prophets & Apostles and soak up their profoundly inspired messages to the world; to me.

I was very touched this weekend with a feeling of peace and calm, of love and patience. Of understanding. Of hope and healing. I am grateful for the trials that I have gone through.
Not that I'd do it all over again (HAHAHA) but that they've taught me more than I could have ever learned in any other way. They've really humbled me; softened me! They've made me rely on my testimony and on Jesus Christ.
I've been tested in so many ways.
My testimony was tested on many different levels. My loyalty was tested, my understanding, patience, endurance, faith, stability, strength. And more that I am sure that I do not even realize.

I have found that I do not waver in my testimony. I questioned some things for a time, for sure, but I cannot deny what I know to be true and what I've seen my whole life and more importantly, what the power of God has spoken to me through the Spirit. Everything always brings me back to what I know to be true. It all brings me back to truth, to hope, to faith. And I don't give up. I can't. No matter what happens, I just cannot give up or give in.

There is a lesson to be learned in everything.
Whether you're the victim or the instigator. Whether you're wrong or right. Whether you're being very tried or the one watching someone else being tried. There's always something important to be learned.

I just hope that I can continue to see the lessons in all that we have been going through and have yet to go through.

Meantime I'm sure I'll do some more crying until this weekend is completely over and my physical pain lets up, and I can officially get over the immense pain that this old "friend" of mine caused, and hopefully I'll never stop crying over the powerful influences of the Spirit of God that touches my life every single day.