WOW I cannot believe how time has flown by lately!
And WOW I can't believe all the things that have been happening!
On a good starting note, I've maintained the weight I've lost, which makes me very happy :D I hope to lose more soon, but I'm not ready yet. It takes sheer will power and hard work to do it and you have to be 100% dedicated or you'll probably fail! So I have to be READY and I'm not quite there yet. I will be very soon, though!
In a little over a month Tyler will be graduating from Advanced Individual Training!!! (AIT). I am SO excited!!!!!!! He was offered to sign up with the Rangers and the Old Guard, too, but passed on the Rangers since neither of us felt it was quite right. I didn't tell him what to do either way, but when we talked about it we both knew already what was right. The Old Guard would be SO awesome since he'd be guarding the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier!!! That would be the most HONORABLE thing to do in the military, in my opinion, but his waist isn't tiny enough and he may be just 1" too short!! lol I love him just the way that he is, but the Army is very strict with how they do EVERYTHING.
So I leave TOMORROW to fly out to see Tyler!!! I am ECSTATIC!! It's all I can think about!! Of course I get anxiety over my safety getting to and from there, over Tyler being allowed a Pass to spend time with me, over spending money we do not have, over leaving the girls with friends and family and trusting they'll be 100% completely safe, and also anxiety over everything that will be staying at home alone without us to protect it from crappy neighbors, and every other little and big responsibility I have. WOW I feel overwhelmed right now!! (and NO I am not "FRANTIC", as one anonymous person said to me a little while ago. Try walking in my shoes for ONE DAY before passing judgment!).
Anyway, Tyler and I NEED this time together and we're so excited! I cannot wait! We were hoping to go to Washington D.C. to the Temple and to the Holocaust Museum and the White House, but it's a crazy commute there so I'm not sure if it'll work out or not. I have everything prepared to go there, but we'll see. We may just go to Busch Gardens (for free, thank you to those who honor and respect military families and give awesome discounts!!!) and to the beach or to Williamsburg or whatever. I'll just be happy to BE WITH Tyler!! OF course I'm going to miss my little girlies so very very much, and I know Tyler will hate not having them come with me, but he requested that just I come so we could be alone together for a little bit. Of course he cannot stay in the hotel with me, but I'll be happy with being with him in the daytime :) At least I'm already familiar with the area so I feel comfortable going there alone.
Okay, so we had a recent trauma (well, I did anyway) in the last few days. I couldn't bring myself to write it here since it was so recent, but here's a shorter version of a long, sad story.
My neighbors do not like me because I am LDS. They have told me so. They know where all the LDS people live in our neighborhood/area and have pointed them out and said they "hate" them, no kidding. They don't even know any of us! Anyway, we're friendly and nice but these neighbors are what you call "Jack Mormon's". These people are those who were either offended by other church members or don't like to "be told what to do" (give me a break!!) or think that the Church somehow wronged them or don't like their "rules" and blah blah blah. Pretty much they range anywhere from people who have negative feelings towards the Church and it's members but nothing hostile to completely hostile and do everything they can in their power to try to bring the Church and it's members down. All of these Jack Mormon's were baptized at some point in their life into the Church and didn't get what they thought was owed to them so they left, or they just don't care and like to party instead. This may offend some people to say it, so I'm sorry, just don't be so easily offended ;) lol.
Anyway, my neighborhood is full of these Jack Mormon's. They all party all night long on most nights, and throw up in my yard, break my kids toys, throw cigarettes at our stuff and into our mail box, tear Military stickers off my car, steal the Military magnets (twice now) from my car, steal my kids toys, and torment and tease and hurt my children.
Just yesterday one jerk fed my little Sophie chewed on sunflower seed casings telling her they were nuts. How cruel is that? Makes me SO ANGRY! I seriously want to go kick him in the face. Okay, that was probably too much haha, but really, these guys have pushed it over the line.
They've called the cops on me FOUR TIMES now making things up! I'm SICK of it!! DONE with it. Anyway, they look for reasons to cause fights or problems with me. I usually just mind my own business, keep my distance, wave and say hi once in a while just to show I can be nice, and I try to keep my girls from bothering any of them. It's hard work, especially when they make comments about me almost every time I go outside. I just ignore them, though, realizing they're probably drunk or high, or both, and just want to fight.
One neighbor lady actually attacked me. I don't want to get into all the details here since it'll just make this a lot longer than it needs to be, but she wanted a fight and that's all she was interested in. She was extremely offensive and vulgar, contentious, out-of-control, violent, irrational, and PSYCHO!!!!!!! If I didn't have training in martial arts I would've been on my butt the first time she rammed into me with her gargantuan chest. I blocked all her hits and punches and even though she kept ramming me with her gargantuan chest and body, I managed to stay upright and finally just turned around and walked away. Of course I was yelling back at her, just like "You can't talk to me? You have to swear? I'm not hitting you; I don't want to fight" etc etc. It was SOOO LAME. And it scared the crap out of me!!!!
I do NOT respect any woman who tries to act like a manly street bully. sor ry. no way. She acted like she was some huge black man and seriously it was so annoying and offensive. She's a 6 foot plus white woman, about 300+ pounds. TWICE my size!!! Come on..... pick on someone your own size, right? Wrong. She was out of control.
Anyway, needless to say I do NOT feel safe here!!! I feel like my life is in danger as are my daughters' lives, too. So after the Police came and took contradicting statements from all our druggy neighbors who are her party-pals, and he advised me to move from all these hostile neighbors and situation, I called my mom, the landlord, and the storage unit place and made arrangements to start moving IMMEDIATELY. I am moving to my mom's house.
I am honestly so overwhelmed right now that I've made myself sick. I've had a fever for days now, stomach aches, headaches, and poor concentration. My hair is falling out, I feel nauseated, my skin has broken out, and I'm so tired I can hardly sleep and having violent and disturbing dreams every night. It seems like to most people my situation is annoying but nothing more than that. One person told me "what you're going through would be so easy for me because I can handle stress really well, but I can see how you would be having a hard time with it because you can't handle very much". OUCH WHAT???? She's NEVER been even close to what I've gone through and am going through. Talk about arrogance! Holy cow!! She's like 10 years younger than me.... she has more to learn. Of course she probably didn't realize she came across so harshly. FAIL. (as Josh would put it LOL).
I have a lot to juggle! And right now at this moment I feel torn apart, torn to go in multiple directions so much that it's causing me confusion and stress beyond words.
I have to clean my super messy house (my vacuum is broken), pack everything, sort through and organize my stuff, most has to go to storage and some to my parents, I have to do all of this within a few days, clean the place, change my address at a million different places, cancel contracts with different providers, pack my luggage for the trip, pack my girl's luggages for their "trips", and do all of this in 1 1/2 weeks while taking 6 days of that 1 1/2 weeks and being away with Tyler. My landlord expects me to have my entire place moved out of and cleaned spotless in ONE DAY!!!!!!! IMPOSSIBLE!!! I have to find people who can help me because I literally cannot do this alone. It's impossible. Plain and simple. I do not have a truck. I do not have big enough muscles or a strong enough back to lift even my stupid sofa, let alone the other heavy things I have. I do not have enough boxes. I do not have enough time. I do not have enough brain power at the moment to keep it all organized. SHEESH!!!
Okay, enough complaining. I guess I really felt a need to vent!!!
I just pray that things fall into place as they should and that things won't turn out as bad as I'm fearing them to!!
I know that the Lord is blessing us and has been. I know that these things will make me stronger, wiser, more experienced. But I tell you what, right now it's so hard that I feel like I cannot see an end in sight. I feel trampled on and torn apart, sick and stretched too thin.
I don't even know exactly what to pray for!! haha. But at any rate, at least my life isn't boring, right? :D
PS Thank you to my friends who have come through and helped me! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. I have needed you SO much right now, you were an answer to my prayers!!!!!!! And thank you to my family who have helped me!! Thank you soooooooooooo much!!!
PSS I have left a lot of stuff out that has added to my stress. No need to tell everything that is going on, right? lol
So what would you do if you were married to a hero?
Well, I don't know what you would do but I know what I would do.
My husband has this hero mentality. He's a true hero at heart. If there were such things as Super Heroes then he would certainly be one.
I noticed this quality in him when we first started to "hang-out" together before we got engaged or married. I was having an especially hard day and all my friends had left my apartment and I was left home alone crying in my room. I finally got over myself and decided to go outside for some fresh air when I opened the back/side door and there sat my future husband on the step waiting for me. I was totally take off-guard. He'd never seen me cry before first of all, but the fact that he'd stayed behind for me instead of running off with all our 20 or so friends really impressed me, and quite frankly, surprised the heck out of me. Nobody had ever done that for me before (besides my own mother lol). He stood up and turned around and looked me in the eyes, saw that I had been crying which I had attempted to hide unsuccessfully and took me in his arms and just held me. It was the best feeling I'd had in a very long time to know that he cared for me that much. That's when I knew he was "my type". I love the hero types!
After we'd been married not even a year we welcomed our first baby into our lives. Instead of doing what comes so naturally to many men and run off to work or to hang out with buddies he instead stayed home with me for an entire week, changing baby Lacie's diapers, making me food, cleaning the dishes and laundry, and holding me when my post-partum depression kicked in. He was, again, my hero.
About one year later or so we were walking in the parking lot towards the big ol' Walmart when we noticed an elderly woman in one of those motorized shopping carts struggle to get out of her cart and to her car. She had a basket full of groceries besides this and we had no idea how she planned on getting those into her car when she herself could not even walk. Without hesitation my dear husband rushed to her aid. He took her elbow in one hand and held onto her other hand, helping her into her car. Then she popped the trunk and he unloaded all of the groceries into her trunk, shut it, and waved her a goodbye. "I wish there were more young men like you!" she called after him. We did too.
He's done this exact type of things countless times since then. I've lost count, now. It seems that we see people needing help all the time and very rarely do we see anybody rushing, or even moseying over to help them. It's disappointing to say the least.
Being the hero-type that Tyler is, he wanted to serve our community so he tried for the Police Academy and the Sheriff's Department. He, unfortunately for one reason or another couldn't or didn't make it. But he didn't quit there. He was bound and determined to be a hero.
He decided he wanted to be a nurse or doctor or EMT so he took medical classes at a college, acing his way through them because of course they come naturally to him. He then took an EMT course and got certified.
He's always looking out for opportunities to help somebody. We've stopped many times when there's been an accident to help those involved and he's wished he's had a medical kit with him in the trunk.
Now, my dear hero, is going beyond what even I expected him to do. He's enlisted in the U.S. Army to be Active Duty. He wants to serve our country; fight for freedom and the constitution.
What better heroes are there out there than those that give up their very lives to fight for our freedoms and our families, our land, and our lives?
So, what would you do if you were married to a hero like I am?
Well, here's what I do.
I pray to my Heavenly Father every day, thanking him for sending me my hero to be my husband and the father of my children. I give him kisses and hugs, thanking him every day for what he does for us, and I love him with all my heart and do my very best every day to make him happy in return.
I mean, really, there's no way to repay a hero what he/she deserves after all that they do and sacrifice, is there?
I love being married to a hero! I can always count on being taken care of no matter what and I know my children are the luckiest kids around to have such a man in their lives.
Thank you, Tyler, for being my hero, and now the hero to millions!
So Tyler and I have been majorly stressing about his job and several other things as well.
So this is what we did.
I called the police to talk to them about this person calling the police on us and making false accusations and what our options are and so on. Well, he explained a bunch of things to me that I already knew and understand so that was all good and well then he told me that if they call again that when the police officer comes we can pursue things even further. The officer can contact the person and tell them that charges will be pressed if they continue these accusations that the officers, three times now, have seen with their own eyes are false.
Otherwise our only other choice is to move away. Or just bear with the annoyance of some weirdo that likes to stir up problems. Of course if they called DCFS then things would be really bad because, frankly, DCFS just isn't that straight or honest. They take kids from perfectly good homes and ignore cases that are very serious. Of course they do LOTS of good too, but it's too much of a risk, ya know? I NEVER call those people unless I really feel there is a deep concern to be addressed and I have seen with my own eyes the abuse or neglect that would require contacting them.
Okay, the next thing we did was meet with the bishop. He gave us advice and counsel, and was a great boost for us. We love our bishop, he's such a great man! He gave an exceptional lesson today in our combined meeting at church about forgiveness. Something I've found that I need to do a lot of these days, and often.
The next thing we did was I encouraged Tyler to call his boss, the owner, and get some things straightened out before he either just went to work or quit.
So he asked him about taxes, overtime, told him about the porn, etc. His boss said that Tyler's supervisor, Ron, was supposed to have given him his tax forms by the first day to sign so two weeks later he's going to make sure Ron gives them to him this time. Ron's been feeding Tyler a bunch of bull crap apparently. Tyler will get his overtime and he isn't a contractor but is an employee. Also, the porn outraged Tyler's boss, Kent, and he's going to fire the ENTIRE crew Tyler works on!!! He said he's really impressed with Tyler, really likes him, and is keeping only him and firing all the others. I'm guessing as soon as this Walmart project is over they're all gone. So, after talking to him Tyler feels SO much more peace about it and it's turning out to be a good deal after all. If he wasn't going to get his overtime then it would've been money down the drain with all the driving Tyler's been having to do.
He also told Tyler he'll pay him more when he gets his Plumber's Apprentice License. He can't until he gets that. So Tyler has to apply for it, get signatures for it, and take a test and pay some money for it. But he'll get paid a lot better with it, so that's his next goal.
So, the way things are headed this very minute is that we could end up staying right where we're at, Tyler has a job with zero benefits but potential. And, he'll take this job until something better opens up for him.
His boss, Kent, says he doesn't smoke or drink, doesn't allow or put up with pornography or any other crap like that, and has had to make some financial decisions based on the dishonesty of his employees and unfortunately those decisions affect every employee, and all because of a few dishonest and crooked and immoral employees that ruin it for the rest. Typical of how things are in life.
So, I'm feeling a lot more at peace about things. There are a few other things that have been stressing me out, but I think that they'll iron themselves out okay if we just watch our steps, take care of our own little family, and continue faithfully and prayerfully.
Well, so, I'll give an update although I've been putting it off for a while waiting to put on here any GOOD news for a change.
Not much good has happened, quite honestly, but I'll try to note the positive things first, k? :)
Tyler's doing excellent in school. I'm so proud of him! He truly has found his niche. It's great. All the years of hard work and major struggling is paying off in his good grades. It's REALLY lifted his self esteem and confidence. My smart Tyler is really blooming and I ALWAYS knew it was in him! Sure some thought I was too hard on him, but I KNEW he was there. He just hesitated too much, doubted himself, etc. But now he has no need to doubt himself. He just is awesome. :)
I'm proud of myself for keeping my kitchen CLEAN! Yay! A clean kitchen makes me feel so happy. Oh, and I'm also now officially hired by my sweet sister-in-law Alicia to clean her house for her. She's pregnant and soooooo sick the poor girl!! She's quite the trooper and almost never complains but is just more sick than I think I could ever handle! I wish my bro would get his bum in gear and help her out more. I'm a little disappointed in his unhelpful attitude. I want to pay him a piece of my mind LOL. Perhaps he's suffering from depression. That I can understand.
I also got a part-time job!!! YAY!!!!!!! I guess that's really good news, eh?
I get 8 an hour with max 15 hours I can work a week. So far I've only been able to squeeze in 6 hours a week. I know that sounds pathetic, but it's hard to work when the girls are all around me and Tyler has to study for school and the house needs cleaning or the yard needs watering or I'm having a bad period (which is the case right now HAHAHA).
I am technically called the Marketing Director. It's for Women in Business Magazine. It's an excellent magazine and I need to sell advertisement spaces in it!! ANYBODY, PLEASE, ADVERTISE WITH THEM!! I get commission off of it and that's our only hope of help right now financially. Anyway, the prices are very reasonable and I can make almost any deals I want or discounts. It goes to 10,000 people in Utah County and it's a free magazine. It's mailed to them. So it's like one of the most effective ways to advertise. It's a great magazine. Even my mom likes it :). www.WBMagazine.org
Okay, so that's what I'm doing right now.
I just need to get out and go solicit business in the area and what-not. Anybody have businesses they know of that could be interested? You can just pass along the info and I won't tell them who sent it if you don't want me to.
Sophie's been sick the last couple of days. Fever, throwing up, being tired, all that. She just woke up now and it's 4am. UGH!! Tyler and I are both up. He was doing homework and I was catching up with things online.
I'm going to go see a Uro-Gyn. That's a specialist that's in Urology & Gynocology. I'm sooooo not happy to see a man AT ALL. I'm so against men doctors doing women things. It just really grosses me out and freaks me out so bad!!! I've had bad experiences with two docs so I have ligit reasons to be freaked out of them. I think they're all perverts. Period. You can't convince me otherwise so don't even try.
Okay, anyway, I'm going to see this guy cuz my midwives don't know what to do for me or my reg doc (who I can't see anymore anyway cuz I can't pay the man). I have been having MAJOR pain when I go potty. Like BAD pain. Like it feels like my insides are ripping out when I go. Perhaps it's just a really bad pulled muscle, but whatever it is it HURTS. I've been tested a couple of times and one time there was blood but no infection and another time infection and another time just minerals. Okay, I was tested 3 times lol. I can't count at 4 in the morning! :)
Anyway, then another thing that's kinda bothering me. Perhaps it's my diet, or my endometriosis is causing all of these problems, which is very likely, but I go from diarreah to constipation. And it's BAD. Like I cannot go at all and I sit there. And the stomach pain is sooo awful. SO bad. I feel soooo sick. The pain is a mixture between feeling like I have the stomach flu with diarreah pain to gas to cramps and to some other feeling I haven't felt before. So I have no idea what's going on.
I've been putting off telling anyone these problems just cuz I always have so many. And it's so tiring to hear about, I know.
I know a lot of people don't even care and are really calloused and like to think that they'd handle these problems better than I do so I just don't like talking about it sometimes cuz I don't want heartless, cold people around me to make fun of me (which I've been told happens when I write blogs). I want loving, supportive people.
But most importantly, I want ANSWERS and SOLUTIONS!!!
I'm really really really really tired of getting fatter and fatter and FATTER all the time!! And not just fatter, but everything else. My thyroid is screwing up again. It's going more and more hypo, AGAIN, and I'm getting harrier and harrier and losing all the hair on my head. I'm SOOOOOOO UGLY!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously!!
OH GREAT. Lacie just threw up right now!!!! oh man. WE DON'T EVER EVER GET A BREAK!!!!! It's over and over and over again. one thing after another.
you know I was praying about this CRAP that we go through and you know the answer I got? WE ARE REQUIRED TO GO THROUGH IT. Just like when you're required to take a final to get your final grade, or required to pay your taxes, or required to put gas in your car in order to drive it. Something like that. WE HAVE to go through this. So we just have to endure.
But Heavenly Father did not say we have to do it alone.
That's why we have family, and friends. And thanks to Heavenly Father we have some good family and LOTS of really good friends. :)
You can't pick the fam but you can pick your friends and sometimes you can pick some family to be your friends! hee hee. And we have. (we love you guys so much!).
So anyway, I didn't have a period for two months and was in LOTS of pain. I finally started my monthly joy last weekend (Friday I think) and it's still going strong. Like I'm talking having to change every single hour. It's AWFUL. Tyler wants me to go to the ER tomorrow cuz it's so bad. And it's not letting up. It's getting worse.
SOMEONE PLEASE FIX ME!!!!
*sigh*
I just feel like sobbing right now. I'm sooooo tired. Tired of everything.
One more thing. A nosey neighbor called the police on me.
Why?
Because they assumed I lock my girls outside and won't let them back into the house!!!!! Isn't that AWFUL???
I was sitting on my lawn chair when two cop cars pulled up and said a neighbor called and said I NEVER watch my kids and I ALWAYS lock them out and they'll be banging on the door crying to come in and I won't let them. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT??? I was SHOCKED. Either Tyler or I are ALWAYS out there with them!!!!
I was more than pissed. I was FURIOUS. So mad that I went to two separate neighbors to ask if they called. Of course both said no.
But Tyler's 100% sure it was the ones across the street. Nosey people that they are. I am soooo mad about this and so is Tyler so we're not letting our girls play with that kid of theirs anymore unless we can see everything that's going on. This mother across the street told Lacie that I should be watching her and not Tyler.
I mean I had to give Sophie a bath cuz she peed her panties and that was FIVE MINUTES and Lacie went back outside and she called the cops. OH MY GOSH.
I HATE this place. :(
The cops were embarrassed to have been called out. They said it was a waste of their time but the have to when someone calls, esp about children. They saw me sitting out there watching my girls and were like, "uh, you obviously are watching your kids". DUH you think? lol
Okay, there's the latest update.
I hope I figure out what the heck is wrong with me before I get too heavy that I'll need bipass surgery and have heart disease and not be able to have any more kids and have a body of a 50 or 60 yr old instead of the 30 yr old. Cuz frankly what I'm going through shouldn't be happening to someone as young as I am.
Oh, it's my birthday next week. I'm going to be so old lol. At least I FEEL super old. (read above for why that is).
I want something pleasant and nice and sweet to surprise me on my birthday. Anything to cheer me up!!! :(
It's really not this huge deal, but it was significant enough that I called the cops and am a little freaked out right now.
Lacie was across the street playing when this little boy, about 4 yrs old, picked up a huge branch from the ground and started whipping her with it. She was trying to hit him back but couldn't reach him cuz that darn branch was so long. Anyway he got her face a good whip and she started screaming and crying like Lacie does. That pissed me off so I yelled, like super loud, "DON'T TOUCH HER!!!!" It freaked him out so he took off running home.
Lacie and Sophie came home and I put them in the bathtub.
Right as they were getting in someone pounded on my door good and loud. So I answered it and there was this short stocky Mexican kid, about 16 yrs old I'm guessing, maybe older, fuming.
He told me that his little brother came home crying to him and saying that Lacie had punched him in the face. I'm like no she didn't. I was standing right outside watching the entire thing. He kept arguing with me saying that Lacie was lying and that his little brother was telling the truth.
There were like 20 or so Mexican kids surrounding our townhome this entire time, and, most of the neighbors were outside standing on their porches watching us.
I've got a mouth on me and where my children are concerned I do NOT put up with any crap at all.
I told him that Lacie is my child and I have every right to defend her and take care of her and when I see anybody beating on my kids I'll yell at them if I want to. He was telling me I had no right to yell at his little brother. I said he had no right coming over here to get in my face about it. He's the brother, not the parent. I told him if his parents didn't like any of it they should come talk to me themselves. I made it clear that I speak Spanish and understand their culture.
He was swearing and yelling and threatening me and the girls. Threatening to kick our a%$'s and other things. I told him he's a very bad example to little kids. It's kids like him that end up in and out of jail and that's a bad example. He was yelling this entire time, not making much sense, just using stupid threatening lines that we've all heard in movies, and said, "so what that I've been in jail?" and was grabbing his crotch and flipping me off when he said it and then was calling me swear words in Spanish and in English.
I noticed that he had a group of che's all hanging around where he came from. They'd slowly started to move towards us from across the street. They were gang signing and so was he and swearing and laughing and pointing at our place.
I shut the door and locked it, of course. Then cuz I couldn't get a hold of Ty (he was at school) I called my dad who told me to call the cops, so I did.
Before the cops came I went next door and asked the Mexican girls there about the kids who had caused these problems. The older one that had been threatening me is named Julio, and the younger one that was whipping Lacie is named Diego. Anyway, they told me that Julio has gotten into lots of trouble with the police and is very scary and dangerous.
The cops went around and asked the neighbors about these kids and they all claimed they didn't know him but saw the little fight and sided with Lacie, of course.
The cop told me that this is common cuz they're just looking after their own butts so they don't get into trouble with these gang-bangers.
So now I'm kinda freaked out. This kid did NOT scare me at all. Not even an ounce. But what does make me nervous is what they are capable of doing when nobody is looking. I'm scared for my girls' safety and for our property that's outside that we have no room for in our small townhome. I'm worried that they come shoot our windows out.
Tyler made a good point. Kids like these have nothing to lose and everything to prove so there's nothing to stop them.
I WANT TO MOVE TO A DECENT NEIGHBORHOOD WITH A DECENT PLACE TO LIVE IN!!!!! I'm seriously sick of living like white-trash around people like this!!!!!!!
