Quit The Mormon Church

Originally published on Special Bulletin on January 31, 2009, here's Quit The Mormon Church:

I have been thinking of quitting the “Mormon Church.” Yes, if I can, I am going to get even with that church.

As soon as I can find another church that teaches about the Gathering ofthe House of Israel; the return of the Ten Tribes and their mission; there turn of the Jews to Palestine and why, and how they are going to build the temple;
the building of temples and what to do with them;
the mission of Elias, the prophet, as predicted by Malachi;
the method for the salvation of the people that died at the time of Noah in the flood;
the origin of the American Indian;
the complete explanation of why Jesus of Nazareth had to have a mortal mother but not a mortal father;
the explanation of the three degrees of glory (three heavens) as mentioned by Paul;
the complete explanation of why Elias and Moses did not die but had to be translated (since they both lived before the resurrection was introduced by Christ);
the restoration of the gospel by modern revelation as promised by Peter and Paul and Jesus himself;
the belief in eternal marriage and the family, and the knowledge and the place to seal for eternity;
that teaches abstinence from all harmful drugs and foods ;
and that sells the best fire insurance policy on earth, for the last days, for only a 10th of my income.

Yes sir, as soon as I can find another church that teaches all that, or even half as much, I will say good-bye to this Mormon Church.

The church that I am looking for must also be able to motivate 50,000+ youth, and adults, for the first, second or third time, to leave their homes for two years at their own expense and go to far-away places to teach and preach without salary.

It must be able to call, on a frosty day, some 5 or 6 thousand professors, students, lawyers, doctors, judges, policemen, businessmen, housewives and children to go and pick apples at 6 a. m.

It must be able to call meetings and get the attention for two hours of more than 150,000 men.

Yes, it must also teach and show why salvation isassured for children who die before eight years of age.

Could you help me find a church that teaches all that and hundreds of other doctrines and principles, which I have no room to mention here, and which brings solace and comfort to the soul;
peace, hope, and salvation to mankind, and above all, that answers the key questions that all the great philosophers have asked; questions and answers that explain the meaning of life, the purpose of death, suffering and pain;
the absolute need for a Redeemer and the marvelous plan conceived and executed by Jesus Christ the Savior?

Yes, as soon as I find another church that teaches that, and also that has the organization and the powers to make that teaching effective, I am going to quit the Mormon Church.

For I should not tolerate that “they” should change a few words in the Book of Mormon-even if those changes simply improve the grammar and the syntax of the verses - for, after all, don’t you think the Divine Church should employ angels as book makers, and clerks, to do all the chores on earth?

Don’t you think, Mr. Editor, that the Divine Church should also have prophets that don’t get sick and don’t get old and die, and certainly, that don’t make a goof here and there?

No, sir!

A Divine Church should be so divine that only perfect people should belong to it, and only perfect people should run it.
As a matter of fact, the Church should be so perfect that it should not even be here on earth!

So, I repeat, if any one of the kind readers of this imperfect letter knows about another church that teaches and does as much for mankind as the Mormon Church, please let me know. And please do it soon, because my turn to go to the cannery is coming up.

Also, “they” want my last son (the fifth one) to go away for two years and again, I have to pay for all that. And I also know that they expect me to go to the farm to prune trees, and I have heard that our ward is going to be divided again, and it is our side that must build the new chapel.

And also, someone the other day had the gall of suggesting that my wife and I get ready to go on a second mission, and when you come back, they said, you can volunteer as a temple worker.

Boy, these Mormons don’t leave you alone for a minute. And what do I get for all that, I asked? “Well,” they said, “for one, you can look forward to a funeral service at no charge!” Do you think you can help me to find another church?

Thomas D. Clark

[KLP: Check out http://mormon.org for more information about "ThisMormon Church" or more specifically, The Church of Jesus Christ ofLatter-Day Saints.]