So, I finally got Tyler's graduation packet in the mail!!!! I was sooo excited! I had the letter with the directions/instruction on it that I have to present when I get there to get in. Cool beans huh?
So I made reservations for a cheap inn that's 1/2 mile away from the base and made reservations for a car, too. I am still waiting to hear if I can take him to AIT or not before I can purchase plane tickets. I'm not sure how to do it with military discounts for my daughters and I and one civi one for maybe my little brother and get us on the same flight and into seats next to each other. argh! Hopefully I can call someone to figure that nonsense out lol.
So I am really proud of myself! Satan, or to be more "politically correct", the Adversary, has been throwing some major curve-balls at me, and it's been through many different sources, and I have come out on top! The most hurtful ones that have thrown me for complete loops have been through people who THINK they are being helpful when in fact they are being extremely detrimental to my happiness and progress; they are completely not supportive yet do not see themselves as being such. Their demeaning, negative, berating comments to me have left me completely stunned and shocked and deeply hurt. They might as well gut me and stomp on my guts and call me the biggest loser that ever slimed across the earth because I don't act the way THEY think I should be, or at least they ASSUME I'm acting a certain way when I'm not.
I know I'm not making much sense there. I'm trying to be as vague as possible so that I don't give away who these people are or exactly what they said to me. Let's just say that they've been listening to the wrong source and they really and truly believe they were listening to the good source, or the Spirit of God. They were not. And I know this. The Spirit has born witness to me of this and has blessed me with a huge amount of strength and perseverance and peace, and even a little numbness to get past these negative influences in my life. These experiences have been very painful and like a huge big neon sign saying "here are your TRUE friends that LOVE you unconditionally and have Christ-like love and compassion and charity for you, despite your weaknesses, and here are those who are not!". And also through this some of my very best friends have come forward! They have followed promptings from the Spirit which have lead them to help me in many different ways. These people have been friends, acquaintances, and relatives alike. Thank you so much for your angelic support! Your love, acceptance, and willingness to help and support me and my family has been a great blessing to us! I know God will bless you for your efforts!!
Anyway, so I'm proud of myself for doing as well as I have been considering everything we've been through lately. Sophie's badly broken foot, her hand being smashed (almost broke her fingers), my health problems that landed me in the ER and have been hard to deal with since, and more I cannot mention here.
I also have stuck strictly to my diet. I have not wavered one bit. No cheating at all!! I feel really good about myself because of this. I have found such inner strength that I forgot I had! I have lost about 40 lbs now altogether! Not bad huh? I've dropped 4 sizes! I work out twice a week at least, also.
I have been able to attend the Temple, go to church every week (even when I am sick), read the scriptures, pray, clean some of the house hahaha, take care of my beautiful daughters, and have been starting to organize some things that have needed attention for some time now.
I am so very grateful for all the many blessings that I have in my life!! I know that the Lord is blessing Tyler and I for our faithfulness throughout all the trials we have had to go through. We are still being tried, but our Heavenly Father has made our burdens seem light, and we can more clearly see blessings now than before. I am extremely grateful for a steady income, NO chance of Tyler losing his job! And for benefits we so greatly needed. I am grateful for this awesome opportunity that my family has to be our own family unit when we move to wherever the Lord (through the Army) takes us.
This has been VERY hard. One of the absolute hardest things I have ever had to do! And I cry for my babies and my husband. But I know that the Lord is mindful of me and my family and that He is taking very good care of us!
Speaking of sad things. Just two things I'll mention here about the girls.
Lacie cried for TEN MINUTES in school today while her class made Father's Day cards. She then sang for her a class a song about daddy that she made up. Her teacher said it was very sweet and touching. My poor little Lacie!! She can't forget saying goodbye to daddy in the hotel the last night we saw him. She can't get over that. But I'm very glad that she can cry about it. She feels much better afterwards.
Sophie got all dressed up today and came up to me and said "I am ready to go see daddy now. Let's go get in the airplane". She was ready to go! She got her shoes on that she said daddy said she could wear, got her coat, and went to the front door and opened it. Broke my heart!!! She then called grandma Pearson and told her that we are going to the airplane now to go see daddy. My poor little girls!
I try my best to keep a good attitude, a happy face, and not get depressed in front of the girls. I do very well at this I think. At least I give it my very best. I talk to the girls about what daddy is doing and that he loves them and misses them and wants to be with them so much, but he has to work so hard for us and I tell them that daddy is a real hero and is a real man and is a very good man and we are so lucky to have him to take such good care of us and that we'll see him soon. They tell people now that daddy is a good man and a hero. It's so cute!!
Okay, this is getting really long and it's now 2:45 am. I wish I could sleep at night! I need a new CPAP face mask and a new mattress!! LOL
Thanks to everyone for your love, help, prayers, support, compassion, encouragement, charity, and so forth! We need it and we appreciate it so much! Know that whatever efforts you make in our behalf you are blessed for! They do not go unnoticed!! Also, whatever you do for the "least of these" you've done it unto God. Don't forget that!
We love you!!!
I am so proud of myself for sticking to this diet! It's been very difficult, but so worth it so far!! I've lost a total of 30 lbs now!!! I'm feeling so good!
The pain I have hasn't gone away. Some days are worse than others, but I'm getting through.
Tyler called home on Saturday and we talked for 3 1/2 minutes. Hardly any time at all!! But it was really good to hear his voice! I ended up crying at the end of the call and tried to mask it from him. Not sure if I succeeded or not, but I think I did. The girls got to say hi to him for a minute and it made him emotional, too. Sophie said, "See you tomorrow, dad!" It was sad! She's really having a hard time with it! She's having issues with potty-trained stuff and her pacifier, sleeping, eating, everything! Sometimes my girls really act up or get overly-emotional; I wish everyone would realize and understand why and be patient with them. Lots of people are, thank goodness. Her primary teachers were so good with her today! They said she did wonderful in class and when I picked her up she was so happy! When I'd dropped her off she clung to me and withdrew inside again, broke my heart! I know people don't "approve" of her pacifier, but too bad, I'm her mom and I know it's something she needs right now. She needs as much comfort as she can get and I see no reason to tear her away from things like this while her daddy is gone. She's having a very difficult time coping with it.
Mother's Day is coming up! I'm very grateful for my parents because they're going to take my girls out shopping for me! That makes me so happy because I was feeling really bad that Mother's Day wouldn't be Mother's Day for me at all since Tyler's gone and nobody thinks about single mothers on that day so they get over-looked. Okay not nobody thinks about them, but it has appeared that way to me, unfortunately. My girls are too young to know when the day is here and too young to go shopping for me, etc. I am really hoping Tyler can call home that day! It's such a special day I think!
Right now I've been needing some ME time. Time to just do what I want to do. I'm not as good as some mothers that can just go and go and go and never have "me" time. I just can't do it. It helps me to have breaks where I can think and recharge my batteries, so to speak.
During this time while Tyler's been gone I've been blessed with strength from Heavenly Father that I wouldn't have had on my own, no matter what. But everybody has their limits. I don't have anybody to come home to at night and nobody to confide in to about my deepest feelings and thoughts like I used to. I really feel for single mothers. I think people are unfair to them for the most part, and I feel that their lot is much harder than normal.
I'm so glad we could make it to church today. It was really nice to go and feel the Spirit and renew it for me and my little girls. It's so peaceful! Tyler's information was in our ward's announcement paper handed out in Sacrament Meeting. It was so cool to see that!! I wish they'd give me the opportunity to say how he's doing in Relief Society like the moms of missionaries get to. Oh well. It's okay.
So Tyler's graduation is exactly one month from today, Monday! (when I say we went to church TODAY I mean yesterday lol). I cannot believe it!! I hope to get his BCT Graduation invitation soon and the details so I can book plane tickets and rent a car. I'm praying and hoping that we can drive him to AIT in VA. I cannot book or plan anything until 2 weeks or less before his graduation. It's frustrating having to wait! But that's the military's slogan: hurry up and wait! lol
I've been meeting lots of military spouses online and I'm loving it! What support!! We understand each other like nobody else does and it's so wonderful!!
I just found out "today" that one of my friends passed away yesterday. It was so shocking and upsetting to me! She was such a sweet and good person! She would write me emails of encouragement, support and love. She was so charitable! I will really, really miss her!!
Lacie graduates from Kindergarten at the end of this month! I cannot believe it!! My baby is growing up and I hate it and love it at the same time. I cannot wait for this Summer! I have so many plans and ideas for me and the girls while Tyler is gone and I'm really really hoping I can do all of it! I don't want to regret anything and I want to make good memories and spend time with friends and family as much as possible since we'll be moving soon and be GONE! My schedule has been busy, but now that my school is over with it's been a little better. I just cannot wait until Lacie's out of school, then I'll have even more time!
Tyler's doing really good. Homesick, of course, but doing well! He's now the Platoon's designated artist! He charges $5 bucks per rose he draws on envelopes for soldiers writing home and charges more for custom drawings. He's designing and drawing a mural for his Platoon I think for graduation! I'm so proud of him!!!!
He's also got perfect marks on shooting so far! Wow he's so amazing!!
Today while at church it hit me that Tyler REALLY loves me! He really loves me and our girls so much! Look what he's doing for us!! What a sacrifice to leave your family 24/7 for MONTHS to provide for them!! He didn't insist on me going beyond my abilities and getting a job to support our family; he didn't expect it, either. He hated it when I worked and wanted me home raising his children, where I should be. I realize that sometimes moms HAVE to work. My best friends have to work and I feel for them because their hearts are in their homes where they know they ought to be but cannot be. I pray for them. One day they will be home again with their children! Don't lose hope!! I am sooo grateful for Tyler's hard work and sacrifice for our family! He's one amazing man and I'm one lucky woman to have him!!!
I cannot wait to see him and tell him myself how I feel, face-to-face!
Now I hope to get some sleep. I have a couple of busy days, or a busy week, ahead of me!
Things are going so well right now! Well, as well as they can be haha. I believe that we're seeing blessings now after the trial of our Faith.
Tyler is doing really well at Basic Training, even though his Platoon is full of immature whiners that are making it hard on the entire Platoon (they're the worst out of 4 Platoons), but besides that he's doing so well and having fun, in between the boredom of repetition haha. He's so funny.
School is almost over for me and I'm so excited! I can finally get some time to start going through all our things. I have to book our flights for Tyler's graduation, reserve the hotel on base some time, rent a car, pay the bills, help Lacie finish up with school, and MAYBE think about starting my writing back up! But we'll see, we'll see.
Right now I'm reeling really good. I'm happy, I'm blessed, I'm VERY grateful and I'm remaining Faithful forever to my God and my hubby.
I'm so proud of Tyler!!! He's working SO hard for us to take care of us! He's a REAL MAN and I am so happy to have one, they're so rare!!! (I know some men don't have the opportunities that Tyler has had so please don't be offended, I don't think less of you at all, ever! We all do the best with what we have and that's what matters the most!).
I am also so proud of myself! I've lost over 20 lbs now in 2-3 weeks. It's so wonderful! But I'm not done yet. I'm bound and determined to get to my goal weight that NOTHING'S stopping me! I'm getting exercise and eating RIGHT and staying 100% true to it.
I am just so grateful for everything the Lord's blessed us with and we have been through sooooooo much already and right now this peace I feel makes it all worth it!
To know I can go to the Temple when I want to, that I do what I know is right, that Tyler and I are both doing the very best we can and we're seeing actual results this time around, it's just such a blessing and such a remarkable feeling!!
Now back to my late-night movie. Finally a few minutes to myself! haha!
