TWO WEEKS!!!!!

Exactly TWO WEEKS from TODAY I will see my Knight in Shining Armour! Okay, not SHINING armor, or even armor for that matter, more like my Knight in Green Uniform!!! :D
I am so in love with my husband; it's an awesome feeling! 
He's doing really well! Of course, of course.
I did hear that he baptized somebody in his Platoon!!!!! How awesome is that??? I was so happy to hear this! I'm hoping he'll fill me in on the details about that soon. He's truly where he's supposed to be right now, that's for sure!


I had to make some phone calls to get some people's attention and was very happy that my Home Teachers came over to visit me today! I even got a blessing that gave me peace and comfort, just what I needed!
I cannot believe the emotional roller coaster I'm on all the time! And my emotions are always so close to my skin now. I cry over nearly everything! I was never like this before, so it's strange. I'm thinking it'll pass, or hoping it will, but come to think of it, uh, I don't think it ever will!!


I'm part of an Army Wife forum online and it's been a LIFE SAVER!!!! I'm not the only one that's lost friends! Amazing how friends just start to disappear or completely blow up in your face with complete lack of compassion when your spouse joins in the Army and is GONE. WOW. I think every spouse on this forum has had at the very least one friend that grew cold and not understanding and vacated the friendship, so in that aspect I don't feel alone. I'm just incredibly disappointed that I lost a certain friend I never expected to lose, EVER. They just grew cold, callous, lacked compassion.... it's very painful to even think about so I can usually push it out of my mind and not dwell on it. This person lost a very, very good friend in me, that I do know, and one day they will greatly regret it. If they don't, they're blind and I feel sorry for them. Not to sound all cocky or anything, but I was a super good friend. Trust me on that. Of course they might say otherwise now cuz they want to be the victim HA HA. Weird how people can turn things around on you, huh? I get personally attacked and belittled and suddenly the attacker is the victim. LOL.
Anyway!!!!! I am just so happy I'm part of this forum!! We can ask anything we want, say anything we want (of course within reason lol) and everybody is super supportive!! It's like a cyber shoulder to cry on!! I LOVE it!!


So in TWO WEEKS!!!! I cannot believe it!!! Right now, though, I'm feeling overly anxious and stressed about finding a way to get out there to Tyler's graduation!! Because I found out so late what the schedule was I couldn't book plane tickets early enough so now they're around $3,000.00 for my two brothers, myself, and my daughters, to go. My parents will pay for my brothers, but I have to book the tickets. IMPOSSIBLE. I had saved up 1300.00 for ALL of the travel expenses. This includes plane, car rental, gasoline, everything! Even hotel!! YIKES!!! I do NOT have it, and I really feel that me and my daughters BOTH have to go! I will not leave the girls home. People who say "go by yourself" cannot understand what that would do to my children and their father. It would be WRONG of me to do this. People who know us well will agree, too. My girl's are DADDY'S GIRLS, through and through! And he's so attached to them, too. The HARDEST part for him while being at BCT was not the hard work but being away from me and our little girls. It was almost too much for him; for us! 


So anyway, I'm really struggling on trying to figure out a way to see my husband in honor of his completing Basic Training. I've had several people say that they think people should donate money to help us get there, that it's the least people could do since Tyler's serving our country and we're sacrificing A LOT. But what can ya do?? Absolutely nothing. People love their money too much. lol.
I really am praying for a miracle, though! I am praying that I can either find an amazing deal or, something!! I just don't know what else to do!! 


I am just SOOOOOOO EXCITED that I'll be seeing him in exactly TWO WEEKS!!!!! Of course, it will only be for about 7 hours, unless I get permission to drive him to AIT early the next morning. It's still not 100% sure, but about 90% sure! :D
Okay, time to stop. I feel like I'm being too random and I'm sure I said something in here that annoyed somebody. Hard not to do that. Actually, impossible not to annoy SOMEONE, isn't it? lol


Pray we have a miracle!!!!! 

His Grad Packet came!! And I'm proud of my progress!! :)

So, I finally got Tyler's graduation packet in the mail!!!! I was sooo excited! I had the letter with the directions/instruction on it that I have to present when I get there to get in. Cool beans huh?
So I made reservations for a cheap inn that's 1/2 mile away from the base and made reservations for a car, too. I am still waiting to hear if I can take him to AIT or not before I can purchase plane tickets. I'm not sure how to do it with military discounts for my daughters and I and one civi one for maybe my little brother and get us on the same flight and into seats next to each other. argh! Hopefully I can call someone to figure that nonsense out lol.
So I am really proud of myself! Satan, or to be more "politically correct", the Adversary, has been throwing some major curve-balls at me, and it's been through many different sources, and I have come out on top! The most hurtful ones that have thrown me for complete loops have been through people who THINK they are being helpful when in fact they are being extremely detrimental to my happiness and progress; they are completely not supportive yet do not see themselves as being such. Their demeaning, negative, berating comments to me have left me completely stunned and shocked and deeply hurt. They might as well gut me and stomp on my guts and call me the biggest loser that ever slimed across the earth because I don't act the way THEY think I should be, or at least they ASSUME I'm acting a certain way when I'm not. 
I know I'm not making much sense there. I'm trying to be as vague as possible so that I don't give away who these people are or exactly what they said to me. Let's just say that they've been listening to the wrong source and they really and truly believe they were listening to the good source, or the Spirit of God. They were not. And I know this. The Spirit has born witness to me of this and has blessed me with a huge amount of strength and perseverance and peace, and even a little numbness to get past these negative influences in my life. These experiences have been very painful and like a huge big neon sign saying "here are your TRUE friends that LOVE you unconditionally and have Christ-like love and compassion and charity for you, despite your weaknesses, and here are those who are not!". And also through this some of my very best friends have come forward! They have followed promptings from the Spirit which have lead them to help me in many different ways. These people have been friends, acquaintances, and relatives alike. Thank you so much for your angelic support! Your love, acceptance, and willingness to help and support me and my family has been a great blessing to us! I know God will bless you for your efforts!!
Anyway, so I'm proud of myself for doing as well as I have been considering everything we've been through lately. Sophie's badly broken foot, her hand being smashed (almost broke her fingers), my health problems that landed me in the ER and have been hard to deal with since, and more I cannot mention here.
I also have stuck strictly to my diet. I have not wavered one bit. No cheating at all!! I feel really good about myself because of this. I have found such inner strength that I forgot I had! I have lost about 40 lbs now altogether! Not bad huh? I've dropped 4 sizes! I work out twice a week at least, also.
I have been able to attend the Temple, go to church every week (even when I am sick), read the scriptures, pray, clean some of the house hahaha, take care of my beautiful daughters, and have been starting to organize some things that have needed attention for some time now.
I am so very grateful for all the many blessings that I have in my life!! I know that the Lord is blessing Tyler and I for our faithfulness throughout all the trials we have had to go through. We are still being tried, but our Heavenly Father has made our burdens seem light, and we can more clearly see blessings now than before. I am extremely grateful for a steady income, NO chance of Tyler losing his job! And for benefits we so greatly needed. I am grateful for this awesome opportunity that my family has to be our own family unit when we move to wherever the Lord (through the Army) takes us. 
This has been VERY hard. One of the absolute hardest things I have ever had to do! And I cry for my babies and my husband. But I know that the Lord is mindful of me and my family and that He is taking very good care of us! 
Speaking of sad things. Just two things I'll mention here about the girls.
Lacie cried for TEN MINUTES in school today while her class made Father's Day cards. She then sang for her a class a song about daddy that she made up. Her teacher said it was very sweet and touching. My poor little Lacie!! She can't forget saying goodbye to daddy in the hotel the last night we saw him. She can't get over that. But I'm very glad that she can cry about it. She feels much better afterwards.
Sophie got all dressed up today and came up to me and said "I am ready to go see daddy now. Let's go get in the airplane". She was ready to go! She got her shoes on that she said daddy said she could wear, got her coat, and went to the front door and opened it. Broke my heart!!! She then called grandma Pearson and told her that we are going to the airplane now to go see daddy. My poor little girls!
I try my best to keep a good attitude, a happy face, and not get depressed in front of the girls. I do very well at this I think. At least I give it my very best. I talk to the girls about what daddy is doing and that he loves them and misses them and wants to be with them so much, but he has to work so hard for us and I tell them that daddy is a real hero and is a real man and is a very good man and we are so lucky to have him to take such good care of us and that we'll see him soon. They tell people now that daddy is a good man and a hero. It's so cute!!
Okay, this is getting really long and it's now 2:45 am. I wish I could sleep at night! I need a new CPAP face mask and a new mattress!! LOL
Thanks to everyone for your love, help, prayers, support, compassion, encouragement, charity, and so forth! We need it and we appreciate it so much! Know that whatever efforts you make in our behalf you are blessed for! They do not go unnoticed!! Also, whatever you do for the "least of these" you've done it unto God. Don't forget that!
We love you!!!

Losing More Weight! And other thoughts and updates

I am so proud of myself for sticking to this diet! It's been very difficult, but so worth it so far!! I've lost a total of 30 lbs now!!! I'm feeling so good!
The pain I have hasn't gone away. Some days are worse than others, but I'm getting through.
Tyler called home on Saturday and we talked for 3 1/2 minutes. Hardly any time at all!! But it was really good to hear his voice! I ended up crying at the end of the call and tried to mask it from him. Not sure if I succeeded or not, but I think I did. The girls got to say hi to him for a minute and it made him emotional, too. Sophie said, "See you tomorrow, dad!" It was sad! She's really having a hard time with it! She's having issues with potty-trained stuff and her pacifier, sleeping, eating, everything! Sometimes my girls really act up or get overly-emotional; I wish everyone would realize and understand why and be patient with them. Lots of people are, thank goodness. Her primary teachers were so good with her today! They said she did wonderful in class and when I picked her up she was so happy! When I'd dropped her off she clung to me and withdrew inside again, broke my heart! I know people don't "approve" of her pacifier, but too bad, I'm her mom and I know it's something she needs right now. She needs as much comfort as she can get and I see no reason to tear her away from things like this while her daddy is gone. She's having a very difficult time coping with it.
Mother's Day is coming up! I'm very grateful for my parents because they're going to take my girls out shopping for me! That makes me so happy because I was feeling really bad that Mother's Day wouldn't be Mother's Day for me at all since Tyler's gone and nobody thinks about single mothers on that day so they get over-looked. Okay not nobody thinks about them, but it has appeared that way to me, unfortunately. My girls are too young to know when the day is here and too young to go shopping for me, etc. I am really hoping Tyler can call home that day! It's such a special day I think!
Right now I've been needing some ME time. Time to just do what I want to do. I'm not as good as some mothers that can just go and go and go and never have "me" time. I just can't do it. It helps me to have breaks where I can think and recharge my batteries, so to speak.
During this time while Tyler's been gone I've been blessed with strength from Heavenly Father that I wouldn't have had on my own, no matter what. But everybody has their limits. I don't have anybody to come home to at night and nobody to confide in to about my deepest feelings and thoughts like I used to. I really feel for single mothers. I think people are unfair to them for the most part, and I feel that their lot is much harder than normal. 
I'm so glad we could make it to church today. It was really nice to go and feel the Spirit and renew it for me and my little girls. It's so peaceful! Tyler's information was in our ward's announcement paper handed out in Sacrament Meeting. It was so cool to see that!! I wish they'd give me the opportunity to say how he's doing in Relief Society like the moms of missionaries get to. Oh well. It's okay. 
So Tyler's graduation is exactly one month from today, Monday! (when I say we went to church TODAY I mean yesterday lol). I cannot believe it!! I hope to get his BCT Graduation invitation soon and the details so I can book plane tickets and rent a car. I'm praying and hoping that we can drive him to AIT in VA. I cannot book or plan anything until 2 weeks or less before his graduation. It's frustrating having to wait! But that's the military's slogan: hurry up and wait! lol
I've been meeting lots of military spouses online and I'm loving it! What support!! We understand each other like nobody else does and it's so wonderful!! 
I just found out "today" that one of my friends passed away yesterday. It was so shocking and upsetting to me! She was such a sweet and good person! She would write me emails of encouragement, support and love. She was so charitable! I will really, really miss her!! 
Lacie graduates from Kindergarten at the end of this month! I cannot believe it!! My baby is growing up and I hate it and love it at the same time. I cannot wait for this Summer! I have so many plans and ideas for me and the girls while Tyler is gone and I'm really really hoping I can do all of it! I don't want to regret anything and I want to make good memories and spend time with friends and family as much as possible since we'll be moving soon and be GONE! My schedule has been busy, but now that my school is over with it's been a little better. I just cannot wait until Lacie's out of school, then I'll have even more time!
Tyler's doing really good. Homesick, of course, but doing well! He's now the Platoon's designated artist! He charges $5 bucks per rose he draws on envelopes for soldiers writing home and charges more for custom drawings. He's designing and drawing a mural for his Platoon I think for graduation! I'm so proud of him!!!!
He's also got perfect marks on shooting so far! Wow he's so amazing!!
Today while at church it hit me that Tyler REALLY loves me! He really loves me and our girls so much! Look what he's doing for us!! What a sacrifice to leave your family 24/7 for MONTHS to provide for them!! He didn't insist on me going beyond my abilities and getting a job to support our family; he didn't expect it, either. He hated it when I worked and wanted me home raising his children, where I should be. I realize that sometimes moms HAVE to work. My best friends have to work and I feel for them  because their hearts are in their homes where they know they ought to be but cannot be. I pray for them. One day they will be home again with their children! Don't lose hope!! I am sooo grateful for Tyler's hard work and sacrifice for our family! He's one amazing man and I'm one lucky woman to have him!!! 
I cannot wait to see him and tell him myself how I feel, face-to-face!
Now I hope to get some sleep. I have a couple of busy days, or a busy week, ahead of me!

Losing Weight! Feeling Great! (Besides one small hiccup)

So guess what? I'm losing weight! I've come down from a size 16 to a size 12!!! I'm so proud of myself; I'm so happy!! Have my health problems gone away or gotten better since I've lost weight like many thought would happen? NO!!! I told my my weight has absolutely nothing to do with the diseases I have. Unfortunately I still suffer from those problems, EXCEPT, my acid reflux has lessened, and obviously it's cuz I'm not as fat! LOL.

I've been eating soooo much better!! It's been one of the HARDEST things I've had to do since my mission, on this scale of self-control. I don't over-indulge AT ALL. I follow my diet very strictly and I feel energetic, happier, and I get more done. As I come off this strict diet I will follow the plan given to me and do it very gradually, slowly adding more things here and there, but still sticking to a GOOD diet, a healthy one!
If you would only practice self-control with your diet you will not only feel better, but you'll probably lose that weight you've been wanting to get rid of and look better, too!!
I don't eat ANY sugar, oils & fats, carbs & starches, pop, chocolate, etc. I just eat simple, healthy food. Fruits, veggies, whole grain, protein, and LOTS of water! It's been wonderful! Sometimes I have a bit of cottage cheese here and there, too, for my dairy. 

Like I mentioned above, my health issues haven't gone away, unfortunately. I had quite the experience this week that I don't want to go through again but I don't doubt that I will.
I experienced pain like I was in full-blown labor and it came on quite suddenly and I could not even take ONE STEP, I could barely sit, I couldn't move. It was HORRIBLE!! It made me really nauseous, tired, sick, and just plain awful! My sister and brothers were life-savors!!! My dad took me to the ER and they did a full check on me and a C-scan, my mom watched my girls and took them home to bed while waiting, and the results came back that I'd had a large cyst rupture. My abdomen was full of fluid, as in blood, and tissue. They at first thought it was my appendix. Not fun!! I was pumped full of morphine and for 2-3 days afterwords I had migraines and headaches thanks to those pain meds. I've been on Lortab since because of the pain that's followed this ordeal. Trust me, it's BAD pain!! No exaggerations here!! lol

Tyler's doing really well at BCT! He's doing EXCELLENT with his shooting, never missing a shot!! If he continues doing so well they'll recognize him at BCT Graduation for his Marksmanship skills and that's soooooo exciting and cool to me!! He's pushing his hardest, doing his best, and coming out on top! He's working so hard and he's providing for his family and I'm SO PROUD OF HIM!!!! I love him with all of my heart and I really feel that God knew what He was doing when he put us two together! I really feel that we boost each other up and we're so patient with each other and compliment each other. I am SO SO SO SO SO excited to go see him at his BCT Graduation!!! I hope I can have alone time with him, and that our little family can be together, ALONE. It's been so long since he left, well, at least it feels that way to us!! We literally take it one day at a time!

The girls are doing okay. Sophie had to get another cast on her broken foot since after taking off the first one and she wouldn't/couldn't walk on it they did another x-ray and saw SOME new bone growth but not quite enough. I could still clearly see where the break was, and it looked like a clean break to me, not a green-stick fracture like the ER doc had told me. Anyway, she went from a purple and green cast (for Tinkerbell) to a bright pink cast. She's so cute with it! What a trooper! She even runs with it and it's so cute! My sister called her a "gimp" and I thought it was so cute and funny! lol

Speaking of my sister, she's Andrea Pearson and we're SO EXCITED for her!! Her first book of a series of 6 books, is coming out on July 6th across the country! It's call The Key of Kilenya! I'm so proud of her!!!!

Okay, I'd better end this. It's coming out a LOT longer than I'd anticipated!! lol

Keep praying for us.... we DO need prayers, take my word for it! And thank you SO much to all our friends and family that have been such huge help and support for us!!!! God will bless you for what you do, because whatever you do for others you are doing for God.

Things Are Going Great!!

Things are going so well right now! Well, as well as they can be haha. I believe that we're seeing blessings now after the trial of our Faith.
Tyler is doing really well at Basic Training, even though his Platoon is full of immature whiners that are making it hard on the entire Platoon (they're the worst out of 4 Platoons), but besides that he's doing so well and having fun, in between the boredom of repetition haha. He's so funny.
School is almost over for me and I'm so excited! I can finally get some time to start going through all our things. I have to book our flights for Tyler's graduation, reserve the hotel on base some time, rent a car, pay the bills, help Lacie finish up with school, and MAYBE think about starting my writing back up! But we'll see, we'll see.
Right now I'm reeling really good. I'm happy, I'm blessed, I'm VERY grateful and I'm remaining Faithful forever to my God and my hubby.
I'm so proud of Tyler!!! He's working SO hard for us to take care of us! He's a REAL MAN and I am so happy to have one, they're so rare!!! (I know some men don't have the opportunities that Tyler has had so please don't be offended, I don't think less of you at all, ever! We all do the best with what we have and that's what matters the most!).
I am also so proud of myself! I've lost over 20 lbs now in 2-3 weeks. It's so wonderful! But I'm not done yet. I'm bound and determined to get to my goal weight that NOTHING'S stopping me! I'm getting exercise and eating RIGHT and staying 100% true to it. 
I am just so grateful for everything the Lord's blessed us with and we have been through sooooooo much already and right now this peace I feel makes it all worth it!
To know I can go to the Temple when I want to, that I do what I know is right, that Tyler and I are both doing the very best we can and we're seeing actual results this time around, it's just such a blessing and such a remarkable feeling!!
Now back to my late-night movie. Finally a few minutes to myself! haha!

I LOVE Easter & General Conference!!! (Missing Tyler, Feeling Overwhelmed).

I am happy that Easter is here. It's one of my most favorite holidays. I love the bright and happy pastel colors. I love the egg-hunting and candy, of course, and the new dresses and dressing up all pretty. But the part that I love the absolute most is that it's Christ's true birthday and his Resurrection. It reminds me of Springtime, renewal, a new year, life, beauty, and a happy, bright, celestial place. It's the exact opposite of Halloween, and what's funny about that for me is that Halloween is tied with Easter for me with favorite holiday!! haha. Next comes Christmas for me. I know, I'm weird. :) lol
Before Tyler left he and I picked out the girl's Easter dresses, shoes, and hair stuff so I can make their hair things like I did last year and I think the year before, too. I love making things, I feel so proud of my creations when they're done, especially when they're for my loved ones, whoever they may be.
It's also my friend's deceiced baby's 4th birthday today, too. I sure miss that little Angel! She'd sure cheer me up right now, and I could sure use it! I miss you Allie! Happy Birthday!

I'm feeling so sad tonight. I think it's so much harder because it's General Conference weekend and my favorite holiday weekend and Tyler and I always love this time of year and have a lot of fun together. It's like missing Christmas for me not having him here.
It's been 2 weeks now!!! Oh man I miss him, my heart aches. I've been a little emotional today. Luckily no out-of-control crying or anything, but Sophie could tell I was sad. She's very intuitive like that. She told me if I cry in the car then she'll sing a happy song to help me feel better. It was really sweet.
Listening to Elder Holland's talk in the afternoon really kicked off the emotion for me. It was about our sacred relationships with our spouses, staying away from porn, and running away from enticing and tempting situations that could potentially harm our relationships. If we have a relationship with the opposite sex that coule be even remotely inappropriate or even viewed as such we should sever that emmediately, etc., etc. I don't have issues like that, thank Heavens! I view my marriage with Tyler as highly sacred and special and I work very hard at it every day. I work very hard at making him happy and satisfied, loved, appreciated, uplifted, encouraged, accepted, and more. I work very hard at keeping the Covenants I've made with him and God every day, and I try my best not to disappoint either Tyler or God. I know I'm not perfect, and I need the Atonment just as much as everyone else does, but I know that I've done my best.
Knowing all this makes it that much harder being away from Tyler. It almost feels like a punishment being separated from him, and I know it's not from anything I've done wrong, so it's not a punishment of course, it's just a very hard requirement to go through.

Right now I'm watching Super Nanny while I put together the girl's Easter stuff. Might as well be doing something productive while doing something else productive, eh? haha. I'm totally multi-tasking, as mothers have to learn to do! Writing a blog, watching a beneficial show, and making things for my daughters. Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on myself, huh?

I'm feeling incredibly overwhelmed right now. I know that wives go without their husbands quite frequently, but how many of them have to go through every single item they own and either shred it, throw it out or give it away, or inventory it and organize it within a set time, plus keep the house clean, take care of kids, school and school work, and everything else mothers already have to do, plus replace daddy? UGH!! I can handle the basic stuff, better than I realized I could, but I have not been able to even crack open one box or open a closet to start the necessary sorting. I DO need help from anybody who is willing to give it! I cannot do everything, it's impossible. I wish that I had more support/help from others. My two sisters-in-laws, Andrea & Alicia, have been WONDERFUL. Alicia keeps me happily preocuppied to not be able to dwell on missing Tyler and Andrea takes wonderful care and love of my children while I do things I can't take my kids with me to. Thank you to both of you, if you read this!! Know I'll do the same for you any day!

Anyway, right now I'm praying that we can move out of this place. My landlady is not very honest and it's disappointing. Our neighborhood isn't safe and there's nobody for my kids to play with but either out-of-control children who are neglected and their parents are druggies and partiers, or children who, well, I won't say here. It's just not a good situation. But we've hardly been home anyway since Tyler's been gone, so I guess that doesn't matter right now. I do have a good babysitter for my children and the girls love it there, especially Lacie. I'm very happy for that.
Okay, I'm tired. Gotta get back to my project.
Good night, and please pray for us and Tyler.

Missing Him Terribly

I am missing Tyler right now so much it hurts and makes me feel physically ill. Crying so much today is making me so tired I'm feeling exhausted. It hit me like a storm last night and it hasn't subsided since.
I guess the initial shock is wearing off.
I know Sophie is hardly parting from her pacifier and "silky". I've never seen her dependent on them so much. She misses her daddy's tickling and kissing and cuddling. He was so sweet to her and Lacie. I cannot be their dad, too, as hard as I try.
I'm finding nearly no time for myself at all. I'm being drowned by homework and assignments due, housework, Lacie's schoolwork and projects, doctor visits for Sophie's broken foot, cooking, bills and budget, and people pulling me this way and that.
I can keep busy because I have no other option right now, not really, and even though I'm busy I cry right through what I'm doing.
It's not just that he's been gone for nearing two weeks now and this is the FIRST TIME we've been apart like this in over 7 years, but knowing he's going to be gone HALF A YEAR!!!!
I hurt remembering his voice and crying over the phone when he got to call me on Monday. That was incredible that I heard from him. But I knew I would. I felt he would be calling me. He told me he'd sent a letter as well but I have yet to see it and I'm hardly holding myself still while waiting for the mail lady every day. I can't wait to get his address so I can send him his 20 page letter I've hand-written for him and the Easter cards the girls and I made for him. I know he's anxious to get it and I don't blame him in the least. He's having a really hard time, too.
I don't think people understand how close Tyler and I are. I know we haven't had the most perfect marriage or lives, but we are truly best friends and are sealed for Eternity and we know and feel this together. It's hard being without him so suddenly when we were together nearly 24/7 before because he and I didn't have jobs. It's a huge shock and a huge adjustment.
When Tyler called I told him how proud I am of him and how much I love him and think of him every minute of every day and this brought a big emotional response from him that I didn't anticipate. I'm praying so hard for him, and so are the girls.
I wish that someone could help me around the house and playing with the girls. I'm so swamped and I'm not being able to do everything I need to do. I'm so stressed. No income at all, no unemployment, nothing. I have 100.00 to last for all of April. That's my gasoline alone, not including food, utilities, co-pays, medicine, rent, bills, and everything else. I need a miracle, or several.
I have a few good friends giving me emotional support right now that I desperately need and appreciate, but it seems like my ward and most family have dropped off the face of the planet. I know people think that their distance from me is for my own good, but isn't that up to Heavenly Father to decide? Why keep your compassion and charity from someone who needs it when that's not your call to make?
I'm not mad or bitter, just overwhelmed, sad, lonely, surprised.
Well, now I better go shower while Lacie's in school since I haven't even had the chance to do that for myself in 3 days!!

TYLER'S GONE!!! And Sophie broke her foot!!! :(

Tyler is gone!!
We had a very successful farewell party for him on Saturday the 20th. It was for EVERYBODY that had known or does know Tyler. We had a very good turnout and it was so much fun! Tyler and I were so busy the entire time that we hardly even saw each other. There were several missed people, but we still had a super awesome turn-out and Tyler felt so loved and supported by many.
Sunday was a very wonderful day, sad day as it was. We got to spend time at my grandparen's house in Bountiful. They sure love Tyler a lot. They say that he must be really special because he married me haha. Isn't that cute?
Tyler offered to make dinner for them and my family so all of us got together with my grandparents and Tyler made his last dinner for all of us. It was so good! Homemade chicken noodle soup! :)
We had a good time together.
Then Tyler and I drove to the hotel where he'd be staying the night. We went to say our goodbyes.
Mom and dad and Andrea came with so that Andrea could drive me home and my parents could drive the girls home.
It was so hard!! It was so painful and sickening to say goodbye! One of the hardest things I've ever had to do!
I've never seen him cry so hard before as he did when he held me and the girls. It was upsetting to me to see it.
It was Sunday that I realized that I was a military wife and all my life that I've realized about military wives I've always felt soooo sorry for them. My heart would ache for them and I'd cry for them when I'd see their loved ones leaving or returning and I remember always being grateful that I wasn't one of them. When I mentioned this to Tyler one of our friends, Chad Neth, his song came on the radio and for some reason his song coupled with what I said just hit us really hard and we both started to cry so hard. That was our very last time together alone.
I was really lucky to get 4 phone calls from him. It was so good to hear his voice! He was going through all sorts of emotions. But he's strong. I've been getting impressions to pray for him, though, which I have been doing, of course!
Lacie's really struggled with him being gone. She and Sophie both cry for him to come home off and on, but Lacie more-so than Sophie.

Today for the first time I left the girls with a babysitter that God blessed me with for while I'm in school. I HATE leaving my girls! It does not feel right to me.
Right before I got there to get them Sophie had fallen from the monkey bars in their backyard and hurt her foot. I got there and could hear her screaming in pain. I was alarmed cuz I'd never heard her scream and cry like that before. I knew she was really hurt.
I took her home and my friend Kristen showed up right after we got back and brought us dinner! It was the biggest life-saver!!!
Sophie had stopped crying but she refused to walk on it. She gave it an honest effort but I knew something was wrong so we packed up and took her to the Emergency Room.
She was so easy-going and not crying or anything so I knew they didn't really know what to think about it. After they did the x-ray, though, they all got serious.
She broke the big bone up the big toe in the middle of the foot. It's a green-stick fracture.
They referred me to a bone/foot specialist who will probably refer us to Primary Children's Medical Center. We'll see how it goes.
Just now Sophie keeps saying she wants daddy here to see it and she always is asking me if I miss daddy.
Poor kid woke up from a long nap after so much pain and she's been shaking and has a slight fever and is talking about how it hurts.

Okay I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed right now and aching for Tyler.
Time to end this.

He Leaves in 6 Days!!!!!! :(

I cannot believe how time has been rushing by!
Things have been so strange, surreal, and hard. Very hard.
Amazing to me how people can be so insensitive with things they say and do during hard times like these. Suddenly I realize how much people's own lives revolve around themselves. They're mindless of how their words and actions can really hurt others.
I've had many people say hurtful things to me lately, as if they know better or even know what they're talking about. Sometimes they've only meant well, but when they don't really know what they're talking about and only say things that can be offensive and/or hurtful then you know they don't understand and don't have the Spirit directing their words and/or actions.

I don't know how other women do it when their husbands are gone so much. Tyler and I are SO close. So very, very close. Very best friends, and practically inseparable, we tell each other everything. We really are "one". It seems most people don't understand this. I see lots of couples who aren't very close and they are calloused about our separation. And I see many who are used to being separated and they forget what it's like the first time to be apart for so long.
It honestly feels like I'm preparing for his death!! That is how hard it's been on me, on us.

We also have been seeing very clearly who are true friends and who are not. It's been hurtful and joyful at the same time. Amazing "angel-like" friends are appearing out of no-where and some who we thought were good friends are dropping like flies.

Another thing that's been hurtful are those that have no faith in me as a mother. No faith in God. No faith in anything. I believe in God and I believe He has all power. I also know that he doesn't allow us to go through anything that is too much for us to be able to bear. I know that He provides a way. We know this is right what we are doing and when we are obedient to God then He provides a way to help us accomplish whatever He's asked or commanded us to do. (1 Ne 3:7).
In my Patriarchle Blessing it says that my many talents and abilities will come out while I am a mother in Zion, and I really feel this is the time for those to start coming out.
I just KNOW that Heavenly Father is going to help me and take care of us.
The ONLY thing I worry about is discouragement, depression and people who will continually lack faith in me and put me down. I don't want to feel like that. I don't want to feel too tired and discouraged to try my hardest or keep plugging along. I pray I have the strength, energy, health, stamina and desire to be awesome while Tyler is away. I really hope that my memory improves!! Pray it does!

Also, I need to clear something up. I heard from a direct source that people think Tyler joined the Army to use it to pay off our debts. NO. N-O!!!!!!!!!!!!
We did it because it was RIGHT. We desperately needed the health benefits, we needed the steady income and pay-checks, and, Tyler had always wanted to be a Soldier in the U.S. Army and we were literally directed straight into this path. It was the ONLY door that opened for us.
We did NOT get ANY bonuses for signing up!!!!!!!!!!!! They don't hardly do that anymore!! It's not a "enlist and get rich" thing at all!! This is purely sacrificing for us right now. It really is!!
We aren't even getting paychecks for almost 2 months!!!!!!! Nothing!!
WE ARE PAYING OFF OUR DEBTS ALL ON OUR VERY OWN. We are greatly struggling to do this, and we are not filing bankruptcy or anything like that.
And our debts are NOT consumer except one at RC Willey. It's ALL for medical.

whew. I hope people who need to see this actually do, or someone forwards it to them because, frankly, I'm SICK AND TIRED OF JUDGMENTAL, KNOW-IT-ALL PEOPLE!!!!!
Heavenly Father please help me not let people get to me so easily!!

I'm so sensitive and trusting, accepting, loving, naive in lots of ways, forgiving, and more. because of this I get hurt a LOT and very easily. Especially with GOSSIP. Lies, exaggerations, wow. They've hurt me and tarnished my reputation forever with friends and family both.

Okay, now to end this. I'm getting irritable now and I'm SUPER tired and very emotional. I think I'm emotional for a good reason, hopefully others will understand and remember that, too, instead of jumping down my throat.

HE LEAVES IN 6 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. Tyler's farewell party is THIS SATURDAY. If you want the details to it please write me. He would love to see anyone who knows him. He, and us, need any support we can get right now.
thank you!!!

A Mini Update..... he leaves in 13 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I cannot believe how fast time is running by! My Tyler leaves in 13 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lacie and Sophie are being prepped by Tyler himself and they are sad. Sophie feels like he's leaving her because she was bad and Lacie's just distraught over the entire thing. She's a daddy's girl through and through and has been since day 1!!
I'm sincerely hoping that I can keep my girls busy and happy and satisfied with life while their daddy is gone.
Remember, he's been with all of us pretty much 24/7 since he lost his job over a year ago!!! This is going to be the exact opposite for us. Here 24/7, then gone 100%.
I have a lot of plans on how to keep us busy and happy and I really hope they can work out!
Money will be EXTREMELY tight but I am praying that creditors and doctors will work with us on payments so that I can afford to get the girls swimming lessons, maybe even dance or martial arts lessons. I think they'd be so happy to do something like that!
I want them to take piano lessons and I'd love to teach them both violin lessons. I'd have to rent the miniature violins, though, and that's 30.00 a month for the both of them. Well, that's what it used to be when I used to teach Lacie.

I have a wonderful ward member who is going to be watching Sophie for me during the day and getting Lacie to and from school. What an answer to prayers she was!!! And she has girls my girls' ages and they're in the same classes and everything. I'm so happy about that!!

I'm still trying to decide on going to school in the Summer. If I do I'll have to find another babysitter. I'd go for only 2 reasons: 1. my own thing away from home to keep myself busy in my own personal endeavors and 2. for the loan money. Yeah the money reason's not the best reason, but that money we could use to pay off a little more immediate and impatient debt and also to use so that we can fly to Tyler's basic training graduation in May or June sometime.

Right now we're trying to cut from our lives those that only have negative things to say and think about us. It's been very hard doing this because, unfortunately, some of them have been family. Here's what I said to one of our cousins last night: "They say that blood is thicker than water. But what if that blood is poisonous? Do you keep the poisonous blood or switch to pure water?" Honestly, what makes more sense? I'm pretty sure the "family" that have been giving us problems won't be reading this anyway, and we both have such huge families that almost none of you can even begin to guess who these people are. But just the same, I won't mention who they are, and it's not just been family. It's been "friends" and acquaintances. It's hurt, but it's been more painful to have these negative, self-righteous and judgmental people in our lives than cutting them out.

Okay, Tyler and I have had a few opportunities to go to the Temple together thanks to my parents!!! My parents are already super busy but they realize the importance for Tyler and I to have these times alone to go to the Temple and on dates and what-not. Also thanks to Michelle!! And to Destiny and sometimes Tyler's parents and other friends and family here and there who have let us leave our girls with them so that we can be together.
We're trying to create more memories to keep with us while we're separated.

Oh, and we got more ammo for both my guns :D hee hee. Cannot ever be too prepared, right?? Tyler wants to make sure I'm 100% set for while he's away and unable to physically protect us. Great thing is that I know we'll be protected. I do wish we lived in a better place, though! The neighborhood has been getting creepier all the time with the families moving out and single partiers moving in!

Okay, now I should get to bed. I have a test coming up, like usual, and we have more organizing, cleaning, errands and other important odds and ends to attend to. If we seem "out of it" or forgetful or untouchable don't think it's cuz we have something against you at all, it's cuz we have a lot going on and we're totally wrapped up in ourselves at the moment and I'm sorry if this hurts anybody! We don't mean it. We just really appreciate your love, understanding, patience and prayers! Keep 'em coming!!