So guess what? I'm losing weight! I've come down from a size 16 to a size 12!!! I'm so proud of myself; I'm so happy!! Have my health problems gone away or gotten better since I've lost weight like many thought would happen? NO!!! I told my my weight has absolutely nothing to do with the diseases I have. Unfortunately I still suffer from those problems, EXCEPT, my acid reflux has lessened, and obviously it's cuz I'm not as fat! LOL.
I've been eating soooo much better!! It's been one of the HARDEST things I've had to do since my mission, on this scale of self-control. I don't over-indulge AT ALL. I follow my diet very strictly and I feel energetic, happier, and I get more done. As I come off this strict diet I will follow the plan given to me and do it very gradually, slowly adding more things here and there, but still sticking to a GOOD diet, a healthy one!
If you would only practice self-control with your diet you will not only feel better, but you'll probably lose that weight you've been wanting to get rid of and look better, too!!
I don't eat ANY sugar, oils & fats, carbs & starches, pop, chocolate, etc. I just eat simple, healthy food. Fruits, veggies, whole grain, protein, and LOTS of water! It's been wonderful! Sometimes I have a bit of cottage cheese here and there, too, for my dairy.
Like I mentioned above, my health issues haven't gone away, unfortunately. I had quite the experience this week that I don't want to go through again but I don't doubt that I will.
I experienced pain like I was in full-blown labor and it came on quite suddenly and I could not even take ONE STEP, I could barely sit, I couldn't move. It was HORRIBLE!! It made me really nauseous, tired, sick, and just plain awful! My sister and brothers were life-savors!!! My dad took me to the ER and they did a full check on me and a C-scan, my mom watched my girls and took them home to bed while waiting, and the results came back that I'd had a large cyst rupture. My abdomen was full of fluid, as in blood, and tissue. They at first thought it was my appendix. Not fun!! I was pumped full of morphine and for 2-3 days afterwords I had migraines and headaches thanks to those pain meds. I've been on Lortab since because of the pain that's followed this ordeal. Trust me, it's BAD pain!! No exaggerations here!! lol
Tyler's doing really well at BCT! He's doing EXCELLENT with his shooting, never missing a shot!! If he continues doing so well they'll recognize him at BCT Graduation for his Marksmanship skills and that's soooooo exciting and cool to me!! He's pushing his hardest, doing his best, and coming out on top! He's working so hard and he's providing for his family and I'm SO PROUD OF HIM!!!! I love him with all of my heart and I really feel that God knew what He was doing when he put us two together! I really feel that we boost each other up and we're so patient with each other and compliment each other. I am SO SO SO SO SO excited to go see him at his BCT Graduation!!! I hope I can have alone time with him, and that our little family can be together, ALONE. It's been so long since he left, well, at least it feels that way to us!! We literally take it one day at a time!
The girls are doing okay. Sophie had to get another cast on her broken foot since after taking off the first one and she wouldn't/couldn't walk on it they did another x-ray and saw SOME new bone growth but not quite enough. I could still clearly see where the break was, and it looked like a clean break to me, not a green-stick fracture like the ER doc had told me. Anyway, she went from a purple and green cast (for Tinkerbell) to a bright pink cast. She's so cute with it! What a trooper! She even runs with it and it's so cute! My sister called her a "gimp" and I thought it was so cute and funny! lol
Speaking of my sister, she's Andrea Pearson and we're SO EXCITED for her!! Her first book of a series of 6 books, is coming out on July 6th across the country! It's call The Key of Kilenya! I'm so proud of her!!!!
Okay, I'd better end this. It's coming out a LOT longer than I'd anticipated!! lol
Keep praying for us.... we DO need prayers, take my word for it! And thank you SO much to all our friends and family that have been such huge help and support for us!!!! God will bless you for what you do, because whatever you do for others you are doing for God.
Things are going so well right now! Well, as well as they can be haha. I believe that we're seeing blessings now after the trial of our Faith.
Tyler is doing really well at Basic Training, even though his Platoon is full of immature whiners that are making it hard on the entire Platoon (they're the worst out of 4 Platoons), but besides that he's doing so well and having fun, in between the boredom of repetition haha. He's so funny.
School is almost over for me and I'm so excited! I can finally get some time to start going through all our things. I have to book our flights for Tyler's graduation, reserve the hotel on base some time, rent a car, pay the bills, help Lacie finish up with school, and MAYBE think about starting my writing back up! But we'll see, we'll see.
Right now I'm reeling really good. I'm happy, I'm blessed, I'm VERY grateful and I'm remaining Faithful forever to my God and my hubby.
I'm so proud of Tyler!!! He's working SO hard for us to take care of us! He's a REAL MAN and I am so happy to have one, they're so rare!!! (I know some men don't have the opportunities that Tyler has had so please don't be offended, I don't think less of you at all, ever! We all do the best with what we have and that's what matters the most!).
I am also so proud of myself! I've lost over 20 lbs now in 2-3 weeks. It's so wonderful! But I'm not done yet. I'm bound and determined to get to my goal weight that NOTHING'S stopping me! I'm getting exercise and eating RIGHT and staying 100% true to it.
I am just so grateful for everything the Lord's blessed us with and we have been through sooooooo much already and right now this peace I feel makes it all worth it!
To know I can go to the Temple when I want to, that I do what I know is right, that Tyler and I are both doing the very best we can and we're seeing actual results this time around, it's just such a blessing and such a remarkable feeling!!
Now back to my late-night movie. Finally a few minutes to myself! haha!
I am happy that Easter is here. It's one of my most favorite holidays. I love the bright and happy pastel colors. I love the egg-hunting and candy, of course, and the new dresses and dressing up all pretty. But the part that I love the absolute most is that it's Christ's true birthday and his Resurrection. It reminds me of Springtime, renewal, a new year, life, beauty, and a happy, bright, celestial place. It's the exact opposite of Halloween, and what's funny about that for me is that Halloween is tied with Easter for me with favorite holiday!! haha. Next comes Christmas for me. I know, I'm weird. :) lolBefore Tyler left he and I picked out the girl's Easter dresses, shoes, and hair stuff so I can make their hair things like I did last year and I think the year before, too. I love making things, I feel so proud of my creations when they're done, especially when they're for my loved ones, whoever they may be.It's also my friend's deceiced baby's 4th birthday today, too. I sure miss that little Angel! She'd sure cheer me up right now, and I could sure use it! I miss you Allie! Happy Birthday!I'm feeling so sad tonight. I think it's so much harder because it's General Conference weekend and my favorite holiday weekend and Tyler and I always love this time of year and have a lot of fun together. It's like missing Christmas for me not having him here. It's been 2 weeks now!!! Oh man I miss him, my heart aches. I've been a little emotional today. Luckily no out-of-control crying or anything, but Sophie could tell I was sad. She's very intuitive like that. She told me if I cry in the car then she'll sing a happy song to help me feel better. It was really sweet.Listening to Elder Holland's talk in the afternoon really kicked off the emotion for me. It was about our sacred relationships with our spouses, staying away from porn, and running away from enticing and tempting situations that could potentially harm our relationships. If we have a relationship with the opposite sex that coule be even remotely inappropriate or even viewed as such we should sever that emmediately, etc., etc. I don't have issues like that, thank Heavens! I view my marriage with Tyler as highly sacred and special and I work very hard at it every day. I work very hard at making him happy and satisfied, loved, appreciated, uplifted, encouraged, accepted, and more. I work very hard at keeping the Covenants I've made with him and God every day, and I try my best not to disappoint either Tyler or God. I know I'm not perfect, and I need the Atonment just as much as everyone else does, but I know that I've done my best.Knowing all this makes it that much harder being away from Tyler. It almost feels like a punishment being separated from him, and I know it's not from anything I've done wrong, so it's not a punishment of course, it's just a very hard requirement to go through. Right now I'm watching Super Nanny while I put together the girl's Easter stuff. Might as well be doing something productive while doing something else productive, eh? haha. I'm totally multi-tasking, as mothers have to learn to do! Writing a blog, watching a beneficial show, and making things for my daughters. Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on myself, huh?I'm feeling incredibly overwhelmed right now. I know that wives go without their husbands quite frequently, but how many of them have to go through every single item they own and either shred it, throw it out or give it away, or inventory it and organize it within a set time, plus keep the house clean, take care of kids, school and school work, and everything else mothers already have to do, plus replace daddy? UGH!! I can handle the basic stuff, better than I realized I could, but I have not been able to even crack open one box or open a closet to start the necessary sorting. I DO need help from anybody who is willing to give it! I cannot do everything, it's impossible. I wish that I had more support/help from others. My two sisters-in-laws, Andrea & Alicia, have been WONDERFUL. Alicia keeps me happily preocuppied to not be able to dwell on missing Tyler and Andrea takes wonderful care and love of my children while I do things I can't take my kids with me to. Thank you to both of you, if you read this!! Know I'll do the same for you any day!Anyway, right now I'm praying that we can move out of this place. My landlady is not very honest and it's disappointing. Our neighborhood isn't safe and there's nobody for my kids to play with but either out-of-control children who are neglected and their parents are druggies and partiers, or children who, well, I won't say here. It's just not a good situation. But we've hardly been home anyway since Tyler's been gone, so I guess that doesn't matter right now. I do have a good babysitter for my children and the girls love it there, especially Lacie. I'm very happy for that.Okay, I'm tired. Gotta get back to my project. Good night, and please pray for us and Tyler.
I am missing Tyler right now so much it hurts and makes me feel physically ill. Crying so much today is making me so tired I'm feeling exhausted. It hit me like a storm last night and it hasn't subsided since.
I guess the initial shock is wearing off.
I know Sophie is hardly parting from her pacifier and "silky". I've never seen her dependent on them so much. She misses her daddy's tickling and kissing and cuddling. He was so sweet to her and Lacie. I cannot be their dad, too, as hard as I try.
I'm finding nearly no time for myself at all. I'm being drowned by homework and assignments due, housework, Lacie's schoolwork and projects, doctor visits for Sophie's broken foot, cooking, bills and budget, and people pulling me this way and that.
I can keep busy because I have no other option right now, not really, and even though I'm busy I cry right through what I'm doing.
It's not just that he's been gone for nearing two weeks now and this is the FIRST TIME we've been apart like this in over 7 years, but knowing he's going to be gone HALF A YEAR!!!!
I hurt remembering his voice and crying over the phone when he got to call me on Monday. That was incredible that I heard from him. But I knew I would. I felt he would be calling me. He told me he'd sent a letter as well but I have yet to see it and I'm hardly holding myself still while waiting for the mail lady every day. I can't wait to get his address so I can send him his 20 page letter I've hand-written for him and the Easter cards the girls and I made for him. I know he's anxious to get it and I don't blame him in the least. He's having a really hard time, too.
I don't think people understand how close Tyler and I are. I know we haven't had the most perfect marriage or lives, but we are truly best friends and are sealed for Eternity and we know and feel this together. It's hard being without him so suddenly when we were together nearly 24/7 before because he and I didn't have jobs. It's a huge shock and a huge adjustment.
When Tyler called I told him how proud I am of him and how much I love him and think of him every minute of every day and this brought a big emotional response from him that I didn't anticipate. I'm praying so hard for him, and so are the girls.
I wish that someone could help me around the house and playing with the girls. I'm so swamped and I'm not being able to do everything I need to do. I'm so stressed. No income at all, no unemployment, nothing. I have 100.00 to last for all of April. That's my gasoline alone, not including food, utilities, co-pays, medicine, rent, bills, and everything else. I need a miracle, or several.
I have a few good friends giving me emotional support right now that I desperately need and appreciate, but it seems like my ward and most family have dropped off the face of the planet. I know people think that their distance from me is for my own good, but isn't that up to Heavenly Father to decide? Why keep your compassion and charity from someone who needs it when that's not your call to make?
I'm not mad or bitter, just overwhelmed, sad, lonely, surprised.
Well, now I better go shower while Lacie's in school since I haven't even had the chance to do that for myself in 3 days!!
Tyler is gone!!
We had a very successful farewell party for him on Saturday the 20th. It was for EVERYBODY that had known or does know Tyler. We had a very good turnout and it was so much fun! Tyler and I were so busy the entire time that we hardly even saw each other. There were several missed people, but we still had a super awesome turn-out and Tyler felt so loved and supported by many.
Sunday was a very wonderful day, sad day as it was. We got to spend time at my grandparen's house in Bountiful. They sure love Tyler a lot. They say that he must be really special because he married me haha. Isn't that cute?
Tyler offered to make dinner for them and my family so all of us got together with my grandparents and Tyler made his last dinner for all of us. It was so good! Homemade chicken noodle soup! :)
We had a good time together.
Then Tyler and I drove to the hotel where he'd be staying the night. We went to say our goodbyes.
Mom and dad and Andrea came with so that Andrea could drive me home and my parents could drive the girls home.
It was so hard!! It was so painful and sickening to say goodbye! One of the hardest things I've ever had to do!
I've never seen him cry so hard before as he did when he held me and the girls. It was upsetting to me to see it.
It was Sunday that I realized that I was a military wife and all my life that I've realized about military wives I've always felt soooo sorry for them. My heart would ache for them and I'd cry for them when I'd see their loved ones leaving or returning and I remember always being grateful that I wasn't one of them. When I mentioned this to Tyler one of our friends, Chad Neth, his song came on the radio and for some reason his song coupled with what I said just hit us really hard and we both started to cry so hard. That was our very last time together alone.
I was really lucky to get 4 phone calls from him. It was so good to hear his voice! He was going through all sorts of emotions. But he's strong. I've been getting impressions to pray for him, though, which I have been doing, of course!
Lacie's really struggled with him being gone. She and Sophie both cry for him to come home off and on, but Lacie more-so than Sophie.
Today for the first time I left the girls with a babysitter that God blessed me with for while I'm in school. I HATE leaving my girls! It does not feel right to me.
Right before I got there to get them Sophie had fallen from the monkey bars in their backyard and hurt her foot. I got there and could hear her screaming in pain. I was alarmed cuz I'd never heard her scream and cry like that before. I knew she was really hurt.
I took her home and my friend Kristen showed up right after we got back and brought us dinner! It was the biggest life-saver!!!
Sophie had stopped crying but she refused to walk on it. She gave it an honest effort but I knew something was wrong so we packed up and took her to the Emergency Room.
She was so easy-going and not crying or anything so I knew they didn't really know what to think about it. After they did the x-ray, though, they all got serious.
She broke the big bone up the big toe in the middle of the foot. It's a green-stick fracture.
They referred me to a bone/foot specialist who will probably refer us to Primary Children's Medical Center. We'll see how it goes.
Just now Sophie keeps saying she wants daddy here to see it and she always is asking me if I miss daddy.
Poor kid woke up from a long nap after so much pain and she's been shaking and has a slight fever and is talking about how it hurts.
Okay I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed right now and aching for Tyler.
Time to end this.
I cannot believe how time has been rushing by!
Things have been so strange, surreal, and hard. Very hard.
Amazing to me how people can be so insensitive with things they say and do during hard times like these. Suddenly I realize how much people's own lives revolve around themselves. They're mindless of how their words and actions can really hurt others.
I've had many people say hurtful things to me lately, as if they know better or even know what they're talking about. Sometimes they've only meant well, but when they don't really know what they're talking about and only say things that can be offensive and/or hurtful then you know they don't understand and don't have the Spirit directing their words and/or actions.
I don't know how other women do it when their husbands are gone so much. Tyler and I are SO close. So very, very close. Very best friends, and practically inseparable, we tell each other everything. We really are "one". It seems most people don't understand this. I see lots of couples who aren't very close and they are calloused about our separation. And I see many who are used to being separated and they forget what it's like the first time to be apart for so long.
It honestly feels like I'm preparing for his death!! That is how hard it's been on me, on us.
We also have been seeing very clearly who are true friends and who are not. It's been hurtful and joyful at the same time. Amazing "angel-like" friends are appearing out of no-where and some who we thought were good friends are dropping like flies.
Another thing that's been hurtful are those that have no faith in me as a mother. No faith in God. No faith in anything. I believe in God and I believe He has all power. I also know that he doesn't allow us to go through anything that is too much for us to be able to bear. I know that He provides a way. We know this is right what we are doing and when we are obedient to God then He provides a way to help us accomplish whatever He's asked or commanded us to do. (1 Ne 3:7).
In my Patriarchle Blessing it says that my many talents and abilities will come out while I am a mother in Zion, and I really feel this is the time for those to start coming out.
I just KNOW that Heavenly Father is going to help me and take care of us.
The ONLY thing I worry about is discouragement, depression and people who will continually lack faith in me and put me down. I don't want to feel like that. I don't want to feel too tired and discouraged to try my hardest or keep plugging along. I pray I have the strength, energy, health, stamina and desire to be awesome while Tyler is away. I really hope that my memory improves!! Pray it does!
Also, I need to clear something up. I heard from a direct source that people think Tyler joined the Army to use it to pay off our debts. NO. N-O!!!!!!!!!!!!
We did it because it was RIGHT. We desperately needed the health benefits, we needed the steady income and pay-checks, and, Tyler had always wanted to be a Soldier in the U.S. Army and we were literally directed straight into this path. It was the ONLY door that opened for us.
We did NOT get ANY bonuses for signing up!!!!!!!!!!!! They don't hardly do that anymore!! It's not a "enlist and get rich" thing at all!! This is purely sacrificing for us right now. It really is!!
We aren't even getting paychecks for almost 2 months!!!!!!! Nothing!!
WE ARE PAYING OFF OUR DEBTS ALL ON OUR VERY OWN. We are greatly struggling to do this, and we are not filing bankruptcy or anything like that.
And our debts are NOT consumer except one at RC Willey. It's ALL for medical.
whew. I hope people who need to see this actually do, or someone forwards it to them because, frankly, I'm SICK AND TIRED OF JUDGMENTAL, KNOW-IT-ALL PEOPLE!!!!!
Heavenly Father please help me not let people get to me so easily!!
I'm so sensitive and trusting, accepting, loving, naive in lots of ways, forgiving, and more. because of this I get hurt a LOT and very easily. Especially with GOSSIP. Lies, exaggerations, wow. They've hurt me and tarnished my reputation forever with friends and family both.
Okay, now to end this. I'm getting irritable now and I'm SUPER tired and very emotional. I think I'm emotional for a good reason, hopefully others will understand and remember that, too, instead of jumping down my throat.
HE LEAVES IN 6 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. Tyler's farewell party is THIS SATURDAY. If you want the details to it please write me. He would love to see anyone who knows him. He, and us, need any support we can get right now.
thank you!!!
I cannot believe how fast time is running by! My Tyler leaves in 13 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lacie and Sophie are being prepped by Tyler himself and they are sad. Sophie feels like he's leaving her because she was bad and Lacie's just distraught over the entire thing. She's a daddy's girl through and through and has been since day 1!!
I'm sincerely hoping that I can keep my girls busy and happy and satisfied with life while their daddy is gone.
Remember, he's been with all of us pretty much 24/7 since he lost his job over a year ago!!! This is going to be the exact opposite for us. Here 24/7, then gone 100%.
I have a lot of plans on how to keep us busy and happy and I really hope they can work out!
Money will be EXTREMELY tight but I am praying that creditors and doctors will work with us on payments so that I can afford to get the girls swimming lessons, maybe even dance or martial arts lessons. I think they'd be so happy to do something like that!
I want them to take piano lessons and I'd love to teach them both violin lessons. I'd have to rent the miniature violins, though, and that's 30.00 a month for the both of them. Well, that's what it used to be when I used to teach Lacie.
I have a wonderful ward member who is going to be watching Sophie for me during the day and getting Lacie to and from school. What an answer to prayers she was!!! And she has girls my girls' ages and they're in the same classes and everything. I'm so happy about that!!
I'm still trying to decide on going to school in the Summer. If I do I'll have to find another babysitter. I'd go for only 2 reasons: 1. my own thing away from home to keep myself busy in my own personal endeavors and 2. for the loan money. Yeah the money reason's not the best reason, but that money we could use to pay off a little more immediate and impatient debt and also to use so that we can fly to Tyler's basic training graduation in May or June sometime.
Right now we're trying to cut from our lives those that only have negative things to say and think about us. It's been very hard doing this because, unfortunately, some of them have been family. Here's what I said to one of our cousins last night: "They say that blood is thicker than water. But what if that blood is poisonous? Do you keep the poisonous blood or switch to pure water?" Honestly, what makes more sense? I'm pretty sure the "family" that have been giving us problems won't be reading this anyway, and we both have such huge families that almost none of you can even begin to guess who these people are. But just the same, I won't mention who they are, and it's not just been family. It's been "friends" and acquaintances. It's hurt, but it's been more painful to have these negative, self-righteous and judgmental people in our lives than cutting them out.
Okay, Tyler and I have had a few opportunities to go to the Temple together thanks to my parents!!! My parents are already super busy but they realize the importance for Tyler and I to have these times alone to go to the Temple and on dates and what-not. Also thanks to Michelle!! And to Destiny and sometimes Tyler's parents and other friends and family here and there who have let us leave our girls with them so that we can be together.
We're trying to create more memories to keep with us while we're separated.
Oh, and we got more ammo for both my guns :D hee hee. Cannot ever be too prepared, right?? Tyler wants to make sure I'm 100% set for while he's away and unable to physically protect us. Great thing is that I know we'll be protected. I do wish we lived in a better place, though! The neighborhood has been getting creepier all the time with the families moving out and single partiers moving in!
Okay, now I should get to bed. I have a test coming up, like usual, and we have more organizing, cleaning, errands and other important odds and ends to attend to. If we seem "out of it" or forgetful or untouchable don't think it's cuz we have something against you at all, it's cuz we have a lot going on and we're totally wrapped up in ourselves at the moment and I'm sorry if this hurts anybody! We don't mean it. We just really appreciate your love, understanding, patience and prayers! Keep 'em coming!!
Now I realize that many of you will not agree with me but here's a little impression I received last night or yesterday or sometime fairly recently.
Perhaps this was just for me, perhaps it was total truth, or whatever, but being that I'm in no place to receive revelation for anybody outside my own little family I don't expect anybody to accept this so you don't need to argue with me about it or put me down or "put me in my place". You can share with me how you agree or not but it won't change the impressions I received that I know came from my loving Heavenly Father to me directly.
When thinking about the financial differences and material blessing differences between people that have more v people who have less I found myself seriously and sincerely pondering on this. I prayed for some, well, answer I guess.
I had been reading from the scriptures, reading from Sheri Dew's book No Doubt About It, and considering my family, friends and ourselves in this dilemma.
The fact is there are lazy and negative people out there who dwell solely on what they DON'T have and some don't even think about it that much. They just don't think but sit around, waiting to be waited upon.
And there are some who marry and wait on their spouse or still wait on their parents for all their support while still remaining LAZY.
But, there are those of us who are not lazy. We go to school and do the best we can there without dropping out and whining about how hard it is, and those of us who work as hard and best as we can, and those of us who don't have jobs that have labored diligently and faithfully in finding another job without success. And those of us who have physical ailments that prevent us from doing as much as someone who has little or no physical ailments.
I've met so many people the last few years who are very good and faithful, smart and willing people who CANNOT do what others do to be considered successful in this life. I'm positive that these people, as much as those who are happily successful, have as much chance to make it into the Celestial Kingdom as the next obedient person.
Okay, now here's what came to me when thinking about all of this.
"God blesses some to have easier, more successful and enjoyable lives to help make them be happier and more positive people, which help inspire and encourage and give hope to those who struggle through much opposition (lack of money, health, opportunities, support), which then helps them have Faith and continue to have to have hope through all their trials which make them stronger and even more faithful people which then in turn inspires those who are blessed with more to become better people".
Does that make sense?
I had to write it down quickly so as to not forget it.
Pretty much, if people are righteous and follow the Commandments of God and keep their Covenants made with God and each other, then this plan is PERFECT.
God blesses some with great success as a result to their hard labors, heavy studying, and struggles in life.
God also keeps great success from others who struggle and study just as much as those who do receive great success.
This doesn't mean anything, except that we all have different callings and missions and expectations in life.
Remember the scripture that's in the New Testament that says it's easier for a rich man to enter through the eye of a pin that it is for him to enter the Kingdom of God? Why does God say that anyway?
Well, think about it.
If a man/woman gets success for their labors (or even just an inheritance) it can easily get to their heads. "I earned it" "I worked for it" "I deserve it" "It's mine".
The FACT is that ALL THAT WE HAVE IS GOD'S, NOT OURS.
He chooses who gets what in this life, period. It has NOTHING to do with what we do. Sure we can say it does, but think about it. There are some people who do very little and gain a lot. There are some who do a lot but gain very little.
God doesn't reward laziness, Eternally.
Riches and material blessings are not Eternal. They are extremely mortal. Just because someone is hard working and smart with their money doesn't mean that they're Eternally rich. God can give them lots of material wealth but does that go with them into the next life? Do those riches even matter?
NO. Obviously no.
God gives us more things to see what we choose to do with them.
Where much is given much is required.
I'm rambling on a lot more than what I intended, and I'm 100% sure that most who read this will not agree with me. But that's okay. This is something I felt the Spirit taught me personally and I felt like sharing it, for whatever good it could possibly do.
Here's a good example of personally seeing this in my life:
My dad is a very smart man. Perhaps one of the smartest people I've ever met. He's educated, qualified, hard-working, wise, and righteous.
Is he rich? No. He doesn't even have a job. Is it because he's been foolish? NO! Is it because he's been disobedient? NO. Is it because "he's missing something"? NO!
I am getting SICK AND TIRED of hearing people judge my father for his lack of material success in this life. Sick of it.
He's worked just as hard and as smart as the next rich guy, if not HARDER than.
He is not being punished. He is not missing something. He is not forgetting something that's keeping material blessings from him. It is simply that Heavenly Father doesn't NEED him to be rich. He is keeping my dad close to him because that's where he needs him. When we are struggling and poor we usually are humbled which makes us have more faith and the spirit is stronger in our lives making us more susceptible to receiving specific blessings and revelations and inspirations in our life that we otherwise could not have received had we been greatly materially successful.
One this is for certain. My dad is more charitable than any other rich man I know. He is more humble. He is more understanding. He is less judgmental. More accepting. More teachable. More in a lot of ways than any rich man I know.
Now I do know a lot of rich men that are amazing men (and women). I'm not saying that they can't be just as righteous as my dad is and even better.
The point is, just like the scripture says, it's harder for a rich man to make it into the Celestial Kingdom and not because money is evil. No. It's because being humble and having true charity is that much harder. It really is.
When being blessed with material blessings it's hard to remember those who are struggling. It's hard to think about what others with less could possibly be going through.
Usually what absorbs our minds are "they're not doing this right" or "they're not wise with their money" or "they should've done this instead" etc. As if they know better and think that the poor man is foolish, stupid and unwise or not righteous enough.
So here's my point.
Just because you worked really hard and got lots of money doesn't mean you deserved it, and it doesn't mean it's yours, and it doesn't mean you're better than "so-and-so" that has less than you did.
And just because you have no money or no job doesn't mean that you "deserve" less than the rich one. It doesn't mean God hasn't blessed you and it doesn't mean that you're stupid or "missing something" or foolish.
Just remember that the most important things in life are not the fruits of our physical labors, but the fruits of our Spiritual labors.
The wise man built his house upon the rock is not talking about physical things here. It is completely spiritual.
To God ALL things are Spiritual. We cannot comprehend all that the Lord comprehends.
Where we are faithful the Lord stores up TREASURES IN HEAVEN, NOT ON EARTH.
And I really believe this. I really believe that even if I don't ever "score" where money and material blessings are concerned, that they'll be waiting for me in the next life if I remain faithful and endure to the end. And I also know it has nothing to do with how hard I work or how smart I do things but it has EVERYTHING to do with God's plan and God's will in all things.
So I guess you can go ahead and keep your money since you think YOU earned it and it's YOURS and it's because of everything YOU'VE done. Remember that to think this way is thinking you're as great as if not greater than God, because ALL you have is the Father's, and it has nothing to do with your righteousness or smartness and ALL to do with his Plan and will.
As long as we DO OUR BEST and remain faithful we will be blessed AS THE LORD SEES FIT.
I pray that you ALL can understand what I wrote here.... but I won't count on it.
Oh well :)
As many of you know, who take the time to actually read my blogs, I have been through a few things the last few years (or pretty much my entire life) that are a bit hard, a bit dragging, and trying, etc., etc.
I know people don't like to hear negativity or pessimism, etc. They also like to say that life is what you make it, or attitude is everything, and much, much more.
Well I can say that they are not wrong. I agree. But, I can also say that no matter what there are some of us that are simply and factually at a better advantage than others are.
Just tonight I was looking through an old friend's pictures on a public profile site and was blown away by all the places she's visited in her lifetime. At first I was happy and enjoying all the pretty pictures and interesting places and things she's done, but as I continued to look through them, seeing more and more, the harder it was to be as happy. Sure I was happy for her!! I would never desire to take that fun and enjoyment out of her life in a million years! But it was hard not to think, or remember, the disappointments in my own life. The dreams I had that have never come to pass, and quite possibly never will in my life.
Tyler and I have always had hopes for a brighter future. We both love the outdoors, traveling, music, and just plain ol' "getting out there". We planned on backpacking together, camping, traveling, owning a home, even if it was a tiny junker of a home, of living life!
The reality is that we have not gone anywhere "fun" or exciting or adventerous, we have not even had the chance to.
Life has thrown many curve balls at us and considering everything that has happened we have come pretty far. At least we think so.
So while we see many around us, literally around us i.e. friends, family, neighbors, etc., getting out and living life and being successful we find ourselves struggling to barely make it from one day to the next and sometimes wonder "why us?" or "why couldn't we do that?" or "why can't we have that?" etc. I mean, really. It's hard to sit in a tiny, old, falling-apart townhome without a decent car and not even being able to afford the basic necessities and while I battle with numerous health problems, family problems, even friend problems, while we watch others around us, happy as can be, living up life, successful, having babies on demand, owning beautiful homes that they can actually buy furniture for, going on vacations and trips and everything else without feeling a little like we're missing out, or like our trials are harder than some others are.
It's hard to stay positive in these situations!
Especially since we know we have been working so hard to get on our feet let alone get ahead in life. Especially since we know we've been faithful, perservering, working hard, studying hard, praying hard.
We haven't been overly stupid or unwise. We haven't done anything WRONG, perse, it's just not been that easy for us.
The other day someone arrogantly said to my husband and unemployed brothers "it'd take me just one day to go out a find a job". He's never been in need of a job, layed off or fired. How does he know?
Then an ignorant and arrogant comment from a meaning-well friend "if you'd just lose your weight all your health problems would go away". HA. I wish! Yep, I sure do.
And another comment from well-meaning people "you must be doing something wrong for nothing to go your way! Maybe you don't have enough faith?"
And another "you're not positive enough. If you want it then believe it and it will happen". HAHA.
Still more "you haven't been wise..." "you (Lisa) should've put Tyler through school with you working" "you didn't try hard enough" "your time will come" and so on and so on.
How do things like these help or encourage us?
They do not!
Then one of the most hurtful comments I got from someone who I used to think the world of "I didn't want to keep you as a friend (on facebook, or anywhere actually) because I knew that all your posts on facebook were so discouraging and it was just too much for me to handle. Maybe when I feel like I can handle it all then we can be friends again". She also had written me that I just wasn't positive enough. Well, I guess I could make my updates say things like "wow the flowers are pretty today" or "I like my shoes, they don't have holes in them" or "I'm glad I didn't die today" etc etc.
Sorry our lives have sucked. It's hard to write anything about our lives when hardly anything positive ever happens.
Of course more positive things have been happening more lately, and we have full faith and hope that things will get better!
Anyway, my point to this blog was that even though it's SO HARD to see everyone else's successes and blessings in open plain view I can at least say that I've kept the faith and that my faith has been made stronger through all of this. And I know what's most important in this life, and for the Eternities, too: family. MY family. And anybody else that feels like being LIKE family to us, too. I'm not talking flesh and blood, because that doesn't count so much. It's the family that you make, the family that choose to make you their family by how they treat you, accept you, forgive you, understand you, love you, help you, encourage you, and have charity for you.
I have the most amazing "family" in many good friends (a few in particular.. you know who you are!!) and my own hubby and daughters and other flesh and blood family who support us in thick and thin.
I can say this much. That I know Heavenly Father must love Tyler and I SO SO VERY MUCH to have put us through so so very much!! Because of what we've been through it's made us stronger in many ways: faith, hope, charity, patience, long-suffering, understanding, and with each other and even most importantly it's made our relationships with God so much more stronger! I've been learning invaluable lessons that I know couldn't have been learned in any other way and for that I'm Eternally grateful to my Father in Heaven for all these blessings (trials) that he's given us.
Yes, it's VERY HARD and yes, sometimes I cry and hurt over things people do and say to us and what we don't have and can't have etc etc., but I trust in God to know that He loves me enough that he wouldn't put me through anything more than I am able to handle and that this is ALL FOR MY GOOD and one day, if not in this life, I will have my blessings that are being laid up store for me in my Father's Kingdom.
This I know is true.
So if you cannot handle hearing about somebody's life that is hard and they talk about it then you're not strong enough to handle me, or life in particular, period. Because if you're one of those "lucky" people who thinks it's been through your own amazing smartness and faith and hard-work that's got you that nice, big house and those amazing vacations and trips, and those nice cars and clothes and furniture, and awesome church callings, then think again, because GOD GAVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU HAVE and He can take it away just like "that". Do not ever allow yourself to think that you "earned" anything you have. Do not ever think that you owe yourself this or that, or that you deserve such-and-such, or that you worked hard for it so that's why you have it. When you think like that you will automatically think you're better than others, maybe not on purpose, but really, if you got all you have by YOUR hard work and then you meet someone like me and Tyler and see what we DON'T have you'll automatically think "they didn't work hard enough" or "they're not ambitious enough" or "they don't have enough faith" or "they aren't smart enough" or "they were unwise in their decisions" etc etc. That's not fair, really. And it's judgmental, really.
But to those of you who do have different blessings than Tyler and I have or that have wonderful material blessings that we do not have and still are our friends and love and accept us, God will bless you for that and for not judging us. And we love you so much and are so grateful for your friendships, be you family or friend!
So, I must be vigilant. I must "keep plugging along", as my Grandma Pearson used to always say in her letters to me while I was on a mission. And with that I will keep my faith, striving to be positive and count my blessings among all the chaos and trials and sorrows, cuz really, what else can I do but that? I can accept nothing less from myself.
Okay I realize it's been FOREVER since I blogged! Okay not forever, that was a slight exaggeration! I figured since some time has passed that I might as well update y'all on our little lives!
So to address the main title of this particular blogging of mine I'll let you all know that my little sister Andrea Pearson has officially signed with a publishing company and her young adult fantasy book called The Key of Kilenya will be published NATIONWIDE on July 6th 2010!!!!!!!
It will be available at all the major bookstores and online! I am SO SO SO SO SO SO SO happy for her! It's been an emotional roller-coaster for me as well for many reasons but mostly because I'm just so happy for her, so happy actually that I cried my eyeballs out today after hearing the great news!!
Andrea had several great publishing companies offer to publish her book, but being the Spiritual giant that she is she completely and entirely relied on that to know which would be the best to go. You can't argue with that!! lol She chose Valor Publishing Group LLC
She'll be starting a book-signing tour arranged and managed by her publisher in July when her book comes out traveling all across the States to Barnes & Noble bookstores. Wow I wish I could go with her! What an adventure!!
This woman is just amazing. Whoever gets to have her for their Eternal Companion is one incredibly lucky dude and he better know that or I'll have to block him one!! lol
Now the family update!
Tyler is getting more nervous and more excited every day to get to Basic Training next month! I'm getting more nervous, period! I am very excited for what he's going to be learning there and all the experience he'll get, and I am even just slightly envious of it, but I know that if I ever let the thought penetrate too deeply into my head and heart about him being gone I start to sob so I stop that thought IMMEDIATELY cuz I hate crying! And I don't want to look like a big, weak baby!! lol
We have been making important goals and changes in our lives, too. I just have felt greatly impressed that these changes must be made to help our family and to help each of us individually. Such changes include being more selective of what types of entertainment material is allowed into our home, more strict and consistent with having regular Family Home Evening, and scripture study and prayers, and working on personal things as well for each of us. It's a lot of work, you know, when deciding to make changes that require effort and dedication, diligence, and real strength. But I know it's right.
Since starting these changes the Adversary is paying us extra attention lately, and as I will not get into the details of that, we are realizing that his influences are just as real as God's are and if we do not stop him short then we will lose. Bit by bit, piece by piece, he slithers softly and subtly into our lives until we've gone so far that we're past-feeling and do not even recognize that he has become a regular guest, maybe even taking up a more permanent residence, in our own homes and in our own hearts.
We've had blessings and prayers and temple-going and other things to help us keep our chins up, our faith strong, and our attitudes more on the positive side.
I have been thoroughly enjoying Institute! My teacher is a riot and I totally love him! Brother Peterson. Wow, he's really fun, intelligent, educated, entertaining, and loving and caring. I love the Orem Institute! Those who choose not to go are not only totally missing out but are making it harder on themselves. Trust me on that one, even if you don't agree.
I have been feeling the Spirit so much more lately, so clearly, and IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE. To know when something is true, the Spirit speaks to both your mind AND your heart, not to just one of them. IT MAKES SENSE. That is, if you let it in and you really want to know the truth. Of course if you're angry, stubborn, prideful, spiteful, rebellious and selfish then he cannot penetrate your heart and mind thus making it nearly impossible for you to feel these feelings of knowledge and surety and peace that come with the Spirit speaking and teaching truth to you. I'm sorry you're missing out. It is your choice.
I also have started reading No Doubt About It by Sheri Dew. Can I say WOW enough?? I don't think so!! A dear friend of mine recommended it to me and I am SO grateful to her for following promptings from the Spirit and telling me to read this book!! It's helping me SO very much right now and has been like perfect medicine for my heart and soul. And I literally mean that! So go read it if you want to know more of what I'm talking about.
Lacie's getting better in school! She was struggling for a bit there, but jumped over that hurdle and is now spelling words for us and writing and reading!!!!! She's incredibly brilliant. I've noticed with Lacie since she was brand new that if you carefully show her how to do something exactly, she can take it from there and master it, sometimes even the second time she tries it. She's really amazing. She's such a sweetheart, too! She got up on Valentine's Day on Sunday and drew a "card" for Tyler and I each! She drew cute pictures, hearts, and To Mom From Lacie, etc on them. They were DARLING!! Brought tears to my eyes! My baby girl is growing up SO fast and she's such a special girl and I'm super lucky to be her mother!! I just hope I can be what she deserves!!
Sophie's such a funny girl, and so cute. She's always checking in with mommy needing hugs and kisses and cuddles, then goes back to destroying the house/toys/clothes/makeup/food she was previously working on. She's a very independent little girl and insists on doing everything by herself! lol. She changes her clothes several times a day and she demands dresses and dresses only, no matter the weather! She sings in perfect pitch, matching whatever's on the radio in the bathroom (usually classical music or church music) or what's on in the car (daddy's old country or oldies or whatever). It's so sweet! She dances and prances, being a princess, and if given a chance will tell you the funniest stories! Usually she's pretty quiet, keeping to herself, but don't let that silence deceive you!! She's a very strong-willed, stubborn, and determined little girl!
Also, last of all, we sold our truck!!! We now own no vehicles and we have to return my in-laws car that they were gracious enough to let us borrow for a couple of days tomorrow so we'll be taking the bus and walking everywhere unless we can find ourselves a decent car! We've been madly searching for cars the last week or so and even more intensely searching since we sold the truck! We've driven as far as to Ogden from Orem! It blows me away how dishonest and misleading people can be, and it really is a hurtful disappointment for me every time. When someone advertises that there are NO PROBLEMS with a car just know right away that they are LYING THROUGH THEIR TEETH!!! lol. Seriously!!! I swear I was the ONLY one telling the truth when I was advertising our truck!! I did forget to put one thing down on the ad which I feel so so so bad about, but I simply forgot! It wasn't an issue, at least not a serious one, so I'd forgotten about it entirely. But at least I wasn't purposely deceiving people and trying to con them!! We go look at a "perfect" car and it has broken lights, shorted out electrical, torn out stereo, missing seat belts, broken struts, leaking oil, bald tires, no oil, you name it! And they even go as far as to say that these same cars can pass emissions and inspections! Either they're lying out-right about that or they're taking them to some underground or black market car inspection place to pass the E&I!! Come on people! How can you live with yourselves???
Anyway, we will continue the search for a reliable and easy-on-gasoline cheap car, and meantime I must FORCE myself to concentrate on writing my play and two papers due this week, and study for 2 tests (or 3?), and clean the horribly messy house, etc etc etc.
Wish us luck and hopefully I'll write sooner next time than I did this time cuz if I wait too long Tyler will already be gone and I'll be crying too hard to be able to even see what I'm typing!! LOL
