Roller-Coaster with the Job!!!!!!! :( :(

Well things are not working out at Tyler's job, afterall. Either he has to stay there and get LESS than his unemployment or quit and keep his unemployment or have nothing coming in at all!
Talk about getting screwed!!
His boss and nice and all and likes Tyler and wants to keep him, but this is the deal.
He has cut out ALL driving time in pay, and Tyler does a LOT of driving!!!
We're talking 2-3 hours or more of driving per night! PLUS, the gas!
He has to drive to Murray and then from there to Riverdale. VERY FAR. It's not worth it! He spends 100+ in gas in his truck a week, at the minimum. That's more than a hundred from each puny check. It's 4.25 an hour less than what he was making at his previous job, and frankly, that wasn't even enough for us to get by. We have too many bills and debts to get as little as he's getting. We're sinking again and it's really frustrating. And now without a car for me I cannot work the job I have so I've practically been demoted and from what I can tell she's finding someone to take my place. So yeah. That's the end of that. Without a car I CANNOT do that job.
My brother gave us a car, which is was good brothers do, the only thing is it needs a part we have to order that will take a week and Tyler's never home to order it let alone install it!!!!
He's gone from 5:30 at night until 7 or 8:am the next day. He sleeps from then until about 4:00 or 5:00. So yeah, that's how much time he gets to do other things (1 hour!!!!). It's IMPOSSIBLE to work with, and for the tiny wage that he's getting it's not worth it!!
"a job is a job" does not work when it's not making a difference and it's actually making things worse.
Plus he's gone Friday and Saturday and Sunday nights to school and work. It's just ridiculous!! So no dates, no FHE, no running errands, NOTHING.
If he was making decent money then I wouldn't mind! I WOULD NOT MIND. But he is not.
He HATES it. I have encouraged him to keep the job and try to make it work but he does NOT want to go. He does NOT want to be there making jack squat, driving all over the place for nothing, and being around really foul-mouthed, drug-addicted, smoking & drinking and porn-watching men for hours at a time and only getting paid for 2/3 of the time with them, or less.

I guess we're going to see what happens. He's talking to Department of Workforce Services and, well, he may not have a choice.
Until he can find a better job we just may be screwed for a while longer.
This is totally unfair. GRRRRR.

Oh, and btw, he doesn't even work 40 hours a week!!! So it's not even possible to get overtime. With all the hours he's gone he doesn't get paid for all of them. Last night was 6 hours but we was gone ALLLLLLLLLL night long and all morning long!! The night before it was 8 hours and he was gone way longer than that. So pretty much this is a waste!!!!
And you know what sucks? If he QUITS he loses all of his benefits!! Then we'll for sure be out everything. We won't have a truck anymore, or food, or a house, or phones, internet, NOTHING. We'll be homeless.
And who cares?
Well, nobody who could help anyway.

I guess those who think they know better than us and think they are smarter than us have a million ideas as to what we can do and why we're where we're at, but if the tables were turned I'm sure you wouldn't be a cent off better than we are because if it's one thing Tyler and I are NOT it is being stupid.

Okay there was my little vent and frustration.

This job might work!! hmmmmmmmm ??

So Tyler and I have been majorly stressing about his job and several other things as well.
So this is what we did.
I called the police to talk to them about this person calling the police on us and making false accusations and what our options are and so on. Well, he explained a bunch of things to me that I already knew and understand so that was all good and well then he told me that if they call again that when the police officer comes we can pursue things even further. The officer can contact the person and tell them that charges will be pressed if they continue these accusations that the officers, three times now, have seen with their own eyes are false.
Otherwise our only other choice is to move away. Or just bear with the annoyance of some weirdo that likes to stir up problems. Of course if they called DCFS then things would be really bad because, frankly, DCFS just isn't that straight or honest. They take kids from perfectly good homes and ignore cases that are very serious. Of course they do LOTS of good too, but it's too much of a risk, ya know? I NEVER call those people unless I really feel there is a deep concern to be addressed and I have seen with my own eyes the abuse or neglect that would require contacting them.

Okay, the next thing we did was meet with the bishop. He gave us advice and counsel, and was a great boost for us. We love our bishop, he's such a great man! He gave an exceptional lesson today in our combined meeting at church about forgiveness. Something I've found that I need to do a lot of these days, and often.

The next thing we did was I encouraged Tyler to call his boss, the owner, and get some things straightened out before he either just went to work or quit.
So he asked him about taxes, overtime, told him about the porn, etc. His boss said that Tyler's supervisor, Ron, was supposed to have given him his tax forms by the first day to sign so two weeks later he's going to make sure Ron gives them to him this time. Ron's been feeding Tyler a bunch of bull crap apparently. Tyler will get his overtime and he isn't a contractor but is an employee. Also, the porn outraged Tyler's boss, Kent, and he's going to fire the ENTIRE crew Tyler works on!!! He said he's really impressed with Tyler, really likes him, and is keeping only him and firing all the others. I'm guessing as soon as this Walmart project is over they're all gone. So, after talking to him Tyler feels SO much more peace about it and it's turning out to be a good deal after all. If he wasn't going to get his overtime then it would've been money down the drain with all the driving Tyler's been having to do.
He also told Tyler he'll pay him more when he gets his Plumber's Apprentice License. He can't until he gets that. So Tyler has to apply for it, get signatures for it, and take a test and pay some money for it. But he'll get paid a lot better with it, so that's his next goal.

So, the way things are headed this very minute is that we could end up staying right where we're at, Tyler has a job with zero benefits but potential. And, he'll take this job until something better opens up for him.
His boss, Kent, says he doesn't smoke or drink, doesn't allow or put up with pornography or any other crap like that, and has had to make some financial decisions based on the dishonesty of his employees and unfortunately those decisions affect every employee, and all because of a few dishonest and crooked and immoral employees that ruin it for the rest. Typical of how things are in life.

So, I'm feeling a lot more at peace about things. There are a few other things that have been stressing me out, but I think that they'll iron themselves out okay if we just watch our steps, take care of our own little family, and continue faithfully and prayerfully.

Tyler's job is worse than I thought!!!!

So I know that I complained about Tyler's job in the last blog, and that I wrote very recently, but here I am again updating it even more after talking to Tyler today.
He got home in the very early hours of the morning and when I saw him today, this afternoon, he did NOT look happy at all! He looks miserable!! My poor Tyler!!!!

He told me today that not only do they cut the drive time out of his pay and the overtime hours out, but they expect him to go to the shop at 7:pm and he won't get paid until 9:pm!! So ANOTHER wasted 2 hours!!!
Also, he works with ex-cons, men on parole from prison, and those that are required to get tested for drugs regularly. He HATES it!! It is just too much for him. It's not a good place, especially for Tyler.
They all smoke all the time, like I said, but that has really made Tyler the most uncomfortable. It makes him physically sick. He HATES cigarette smoke and just cannot respect people who smoke like that. He thinks they're *sick*.

Then last night/this morning, he said it was just the ultimate. They speak so bad and are just the epitome of vulgar talking about sex and women's body parts in great and graphic detail and they're VERY VERY disrespectful. He hears this the entire time he's at work. And No he cannot put in head phones at his job. It's too dangerous. That and also every other word is the F word and that can get overly offensive.
Now he's tried to tune them out, but last night hit the worst. HIS BOSS brought porn to work!!!!! He brought it and ALL of them gathered around and were looking at it but Tyler. He kept away and was thoroughly disgusted. Tyler cannot respect a man who looks at that garbage and he was so offended by their disrespect and weakness and immoral behavior and speech that he had his boss sign his time card, loaded up and left.

Then his boss being a jerk called Tyler while Tyler was on his way home and said "where'd you go? I didn't dismiss you from work". Even though the time card was signed and the job was all done. I think he just didn't like that Tyler had left upset and wouldn't look at the porn with them.

Also, they stole two of his batteries!!! That was another 200.00 bucks down the drain!!!!!!!
Tyler is soooooooo mad and disappointed and disgusted.

TYLER TAKING THIS JOB AND WORKING HIS BUTT OFF SHOWS HIS LOVE FOR HIS FAMILY!!!!!!! HE'S DOING WHATEVER HE CAN TO TAKE CARE OF ALL OF US AND HE'S SACRIFICED SO MUCH AND ALL FOR NOTHING!!!!!!! I just hope and pray that our Heavenly Father sees Tyler's great efforts and loyalty and BLESSES HIM FOR IT with a decent job!! He DESERVES a good job!!! He's smart and a very hard worker, he has great work ethic.

So now I know why I wasn't super excited about this job. I couldn't feel really happy about it and I was SICK about it from the very beginning. Everyone kept telling me "don't stress about it. It'll work out" etc etc but I KNEW it was bad. This isn't on Tyler at all. I love Tyler so much and my respect for him just doubled! If that's possible ;). Tyler is a REAL MAN. He's a real man because HE works and doesn't make me do it, he's a real man because he does what it takes to take care of his family, and he's a real man ESPECIALLY because he stands up for what is right!!!!!!! He doesn't put up with this garbage and he's not going to any longer.
He's going to quit. And like always, I support him 100%.

I love to support my husband. Just like in the Proclamation to the World, Tyler and I support each other. I don't take over his job and he doesn't take over mine, that's not what it means. I support Tyler in all that he does trusting fully in him to do what is right because I know he will. Because Tyler keeps God's commandments to the best of his ability, and because I know his head is on straight, I trust him to always make the best choice. Of course he has flaws like we all do, but I choose not to dwell on them. Tyler knows that he has my full support and he's allowed complete freedom because he's his own man and he knows I respect that. I'm just so blessed to have married a man that continues to grow in leaps and bounds and WOW he's more of a man every day in my eyes.
I just keep praying that Heavenly Father will bless him with a decent job that he deserves.
I mean gosh, I can't even get a job and Tyler is way more qualified to get a better job than I can because of his experience.
If I had a car I'd get a part-time job. None of the businesses close to us that I could walk to are hiring. But you know, I feel that we're doing what we're supposed to be doing, even though many others doubt that. It's not up to other people what we do, it's between Tyler and I and the Lord, and I fully believe that we're doing what's right and the best we can.

Like Lacie going to public school. We both know it's RIGHT for her at this time. I don't know what the future holds, but it's the way Heavenly Father wants it right now. We live where he wants us right now, and we're doing the best we can and that's all Heavenly Father asks is that we do our best.
After all, he has told us that we should not run faster than we are able. I see too many people doing this and it's not healthy on many levels.

Okay now I'm rambling. I just have a lot to write right now. I have a lot in my mind. And a lot in my heart.
Soon I get to go walk and pick up my perfect little Lacie from school at her second day at school. She's such a good girl and I'm sure had a great time today. She was so excited to go she forgot to say Bye to me!! hahaha.

I love my little family with all my heart and they're everything to me. My entire world! And they're more important to me than school or a job or my own personal endeavors/desires and I feel extremely blessed to have them in my life.

So I'm feeling depressed....... :(

I wish I didn't feel this way right now but I'm sad. I'm sad that Lacie can't go to the Charter School that accepted her because I couldn't find her a ride there and I feel like I've let her down. I'm sad that even though Tyler DID officially get hired at his job, he's only making as much as he did on unemployment! I'm so mad about that. He has 2 1/2 years experience and is working GRAVEYARDS and loooooong hours and shares his tools and gets paid the same as people just starting getting trained!! AND, this makes me even more sad and mad, he doesn't get paid legal overtime. His boss "banks" his money! His boss doesn't record their long hours overtime that they work so that he can pay them under the table cash by the hour so he doesn't have to pay them time-and-a-half. I'm like WHAT??? So his boss is basically STEALING from Tyler and all his co-workers.
AND, another thing that makes me sad, is that not only is his boss doing that but he just stopped paying for their travel time. So the hour spent driving to work and from work he's not paid for so that's another 2 hours lost of his time. He's driving his own truck there and hauling things for them and they *say* they'll pay for the gas, etc., but we have yet to see it. If Tyler doesn't drive himself then he gets stuck with a car full of men who smoke the entire hour drive to and from work, with their dirty vulgar language and attitudes. It's made Tyler feel SICK.
He did NOT want to go to work tonight!!! He has a very very sore throat, it's swollen and red, and he can't go to the doctor!! And then he'll have to be around dishonest, lazy, dirty, vulgar, smoking people all night long which he HATES. He gets along with everybody, but that doesn't mean he likes what stuff people do. It doesn't mean he supports people's bad behavior. So he's really struggling right now.
He and I both feel that this job is very temporary and we're just praying our hearts out that he gets a better job! There have been a few potentially really good job openings that Tyler has applied for that he qualifies for and we're just really hoping Heavenly Father blesses us with one of these jobs! I really, really feel Tyler deserves it, we all do!

So I'm sitting up feeling restless and sad tonight. Our sleep schedules are messed up right now and we're confused as to what's going to happen with us soon.
Lacie just started school and it's going to break my heart and hurt her to have to get up and move her to another school when we have to move in a month. :(

Another thing that's got me all upset is that there's a neighbor who doesn't like me. Not for anything I've done, I promise. She doesn't like me for being an active Latter Day Saint. (one of the only ones in the neighborhood. The other active lady is hated, too).
Anyway, she has called the police on me 3 times now!!! She has lied to the police telling them that we lock the girls outside and don't let them back in and let them play in the street all day. It's sickening that she could say such awful things! So the police are seriously tired of having to come out on these phony calls. They tell me they have to come and that they can see that I am OBVIOUSLY supervising my girls and that they are NOT locked out and that these calls are a waste of their time and money to come out on. The last cop said he was going to contact the person who keeps calling and tell her to knock it off or we'll press charges of harassment and that she's wasting time and money on making stories up that they just don't have time to deal with.
So we'll see how that goes.

Anyway, pray that Tyler gets either the job at the U of U Cardiologist center as the EKG Tech or out at Tooele Army Depot working for the Gov't as an EMT. Both jobs have benefits and pay well and we'd have to move, but we need that. I just feel soooo sad and bad for Lacie! My poor little girl!!

I thank Heavenly Father for the job Tyler did get! Even though it's been very hard on all of us and it's not the best circumstances and it's not honest how he's being paid, but a job's a job! He also has to work on Sunday nights, which is SO disappointing!! They're PLUMBERS! It's weird to work graveyards and Sunday's and weekends.
I also thank Heavenly Father for my two healthy and beautiful daughters. I thank him for a husband that is more than willing to do whatever it takes to take care of me and the girls, despite the working conditions, despite how tired he gets, despite everything! He's such an amazing man and I'm so lucky to have him! I know too many men these days that are soft and a bit selfish and just won't do it. It gets to the point to where they just expect their wives to pick up and make the money on top of cooking and cleaning and watching kids. It's completely unfair and wrong I think. I'm so blessed to have a husband who is not like this!
I also am so grateful for my testimony, Tyler's testimony, our activity in the church, and that we can go to the Temple together, that we're an Eternal family, and that we have a nice landlord that has been working with us. I'm grateful for my talents, I'm grateful for supportive family and friends, and I'm grateful for all the millions of avenues I have to reach out for knowledge, support, guidance, direction, love and peace.
I will continue to be faithful and pray that something works out for us so that we can start paying our bills off so poor Tyler can get his throat and ears checked and I can get my heart checked (it's getting worse every day. I can't even tell you how awful it feels now).

Okay, now hopefully I can get some sleep tonight. I've been sleep deprived for days now. Like 3-4 hours of sleep a night, even less than Tyler's been getting. I'm just way overly stressed and anxious.

Lacie's First Day of School!!!!!!!

Lacie's first day of Kindergarten!!
She's been SO excited!!! August 27th, 2009

Here is her class and her teacher Mrs Vitters getting started as us parents slowly wandered out of the room. (right picture).

Lacie is sitting next to Kioni and says bye-bye to mommy on her first day! (left picture).

Here is Lacie with one of her friends, Kioni. They were so happy to be in the same class! (middle picture).

Lacie putting her backpack away. (right).

She got her name tag! (left).

Here she is waiting to go into her classroom. She was so excited! And I thought she looked so darling! I love her little outfit. (middle).

Here is Lacie standing in front of her school, Windsor Elementary.

So my baby is no longer a baby!! She's already 5 1/2 and going to school!! We had wanted her in a Charter School and ESPECIALLY after I visited the charter school that accepted her on the 25th (a week after they'd already started) and then visited the regular public school it became obviously apparent that the Charter School would be the best place for Lacie because she'd learn so much more and thrive so much better.
But, unfortunately, we have no car and so I have NO WAY to get her to the Charter School! I've cried over it, honestly, because I want the best for Lacie and I feel like I've let her down. Now the school she's going to is one of the best in the valley, so I've heard, so I'm okay with that. I'm happy with that, actually.
Tyler and I had made it a matter of prayer of where Lacie should go to school whether it was public or homeschool and honestly and surprisingly to me we both felt that public was the right choice for her. It may just be Lacie that goes to public, or it may just be this year, but I don't know yet. I guess we'll see what the Lord has planned for my baby Lacie.
I walked Lacie to school and when the crossing guard blocked traffic for just Lacie and I and she smiled huge at Lacie and said, "have a good day!", I started to cry!! Lacie, of course, was gabbing my head off the entire walk and I had a hard time answering her because I was so emotional. I didn't want her to know I was crying. I managed to hide it. I didn't want her to think I was sad and upset her. So anyway, yes I've cried a few times already!
Then when she got out of school Tyler, Sophie & I walked back to get her. We'll be walking her to and from school every day until we have to move, which will probably be sooner than we want.

Tyler might have a job!!!!!!!

So Tyler is working for the 2nd night in a row as a PLUMBER!!!! lol He got the job from our next door neighbor! He referred Tyler and they called him and had him start emmediately. It's so cool! Only thing is it's alllllll night long! UNGH! I hate having him gone at night. It's hard to go to bed without him and hard to get the girls to bed without him. There went our nightly routine as a family. I still do my best, though, and it's only been two nights.
He works like 10-18 hour shifts!! So it's super insane. He doesn't work every night, though. We'll see how that goes. We're not sure what they're going to pay him, either. He's doing the job of a certified plumber so that's really good. He's not just the grunt man. He knows what he's doing and he's a hard worker. I'm so proud of him!
He's taking 1 month off of school. This would've been his CNA module but he's taking his EMT course still and the CNA teacher wasn't willing to work with him since he'd be missing one night a week. It was a annoying, but it worked out perfectly anyway for him to get this job. When he's done with the EMT in Sept then he'll go do his CNA and go from there.
We really hope they pay him decent at this plumbing job. It's very hard work and very demanding and all night long. We have thousands and thousands in medical bills and we're starting to drown in them. We thought we were starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel then more health problems arose and we're starting to get the bills for them. They're in the thousands. It's just so overwhelming! If it continues on like this we'll have to do medical bankruptcy and never get into a house then. I hope it doesn't have to go down that way!!!

So because of our medical bills I'm unable to see doctors I desperately need to see. I saw a Uro-Gyn last week and he did some tests. I have to see him two more times for him to look in my bladder for tumors or endometriosis or polyps to see why there's blood in my urine and why I'm in so much pain most of the time. I'm worried about this because we don't have insurance, and this job doesn't offer insurance, and if I get diagnosed with something WOW we're just really screwed and I'm scared to death! I already have so many other diseases and problems that I don't think insurance will ever cover me again since we lost ours when Tyler got laid off.
I'm also supposed to see my Endometriosis/PCOS Specialist to see if I need surgery for that or whatever. I'm going to have to cancel that appointment. We cannot afford it. I'm also supposed to see a Fertility Specialist that my Uro-Gyn referred me to. I cannot afford that, either.
I possibly have a heart problem/disease and so if I were to get pregnant now anyway it could probably kill me, so everything has to be on hold for now.
I also have run out of my thyroid meds and my migraine meds so I'm REALLY suffering right now. Doctors who were never really poor don't seem to get it. They think of they squeeze and squeeze you until you're near death or something they'll finally get some money but when there's NO money there's NO money, life or death, that's just the way it is. So meantime I'm really suffering. The pain I'm in is nearly intolerable, how sick I feel, the depression, everything, it's almost too much to handle.

Also we're carless. We have our old truck but I can't drive it. And it's a gas hog. So no-where we'll be going. We hope to find a junk car for around 500.00 for me to use. That's the plan anyway. And we'll have to use money from Tyler's new job for that, of course.

Also, Lacie has an appointment with a bone specialist at Primary Children's Medical Center. Thank Heavens she has Medicaid!!! She's seriously pidgeon-toed and her feet and legs are always hurting her. I remember that pain when I was growing up. I had to have braces and she will too, or surgery to correct it. Hopefully the braces will be good enough. She has a hard time and trips a lot, poor girl!!

Lacie starts school next week!!!! She's going to our local elementary school for Kindergarten and I'm SO excited!!! I'm also really sad. I've already cried a bit about her going and I just know that first day I'll be crying! My baby is growing up!!! She's getting so old now! :( At least I'll have 3 hours every day with just Sophie and I, so that's good. Sophie REQUIRES lots of one-on-one time. She's exactly like her daddy. Without constant mommy attention she's getting into lots of trouble, just like her daddy did (and still does if I'm not giving him lots of attention hahaha). It's not a bad thing, just requires lots of motherly love, and that's what God blessed us mothers with, right? :)

Okay, back to my awful migraine that will not go away and my awful cramps and sickness and BLAH lol!

PS I am happy, and I am positive, and I am counting my blessings and am very hopeful. I don't walk around all gloom and doom. Sorry if I seem to complain so much, I'm just open and honest and like to let those who care know what's going on so when you see me you'll know why I look so worn down, fat and miserable HAHAHAHA ;)

The Stress & Pressure reached some sort of a climax

Okay so I've been waiting to write in here again for hopefully some good news for a change, but there's not been a LOT of that, but there is definitely new things that have happened.
The stress Tyler and I BOTH carry is so huge right now. Sophie has been very difficult to deal with and we're not sure if it's a phase or if it's more serious than that. She's been seeing a Child Psychologist and that's great. She's so good with Sophie and she gets to play the entire time. It's cute.
Still no job for Tyler. He's been applying for jobs EVERY SINGLE DAY and I've been looking for him and so have other people. I've been applying for jobs, too.
I did get a part-time job working for Women in Business Magazine selling advertising space. I've had NO luck with that whatsoever!! I've spent hours calling people and emailing people with nothing coming from it. My boss has encouraged me to go door-to-door but I just haven't been able to do that in this last week at all!
Well, y'all know that I have lots of health issues. Not one of them are made up or exaggerated as I KNOW that some people think they are. I don't lie about my health. I'm just not used to being unhealthy and fat. Think about that for a second, k? I grew up very healthy, energetic, super skinny and athletic and never took a break from all my activities. I was a go-getter and worked my butt off. Being sick, having surgery, being hurt, NOTHING slowed me down. Of course I'd bounce right back from that stuff cuz I was in such good and healthy shape.
Then I got pregnant with Sophie and that all came crashing down.
Having Gall Bladder Disease is different than gall stones or slush/mud or whatever in the gall bladder. It's a disease, not something brought on by poor eating habits or being overweight. I was underweight. Anyway, I had that while pregnant with Sophie. It made me very ill. I lost lots of weight. So I HAD to have it out during my pregnancy. After getting it out I developed a serious form of Acid Reflux Disease. Not just little bitty heart burn. Acid Reflux feels SO MUCH WORSE than heart burn!! Trust me, I know cuz I have both and always had heart burn.
Then my thyroid went south. Try going along life with a malfunctioning thyroid all of a sudden. It's a shock!!! It's still up and down like a yo-yo and it's very taxing. I'm losing all my hair and that's the least of the problems it's caused.
My health problems have been coming steadily since I carried Sophie. A broken hand, thumb, foot. Mono twice. Pneumonia. Daily migraines. Sleep Apnea. Now Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome and my endometriosis is worse. You realize that endo. is messed up, right? It can cement your insides to each other and can be excruciatingly painful and debilitating. PCOS causes all sorts of problems!!! Anyway, the list is HUGE. Sure I don't have Diabetes or Cancer or Multiple Sclerosis, but you know what? I'd rather have ONE health problem like that than multiple ones like mine that hit me all at once!!!!
Plus the weight gain. Wow. Try gaining like 50 lbs in 3 years, people, on a small frame. It's very taxing and painful! It puts so much pressure and strain on your body. It's different than always having been heavy, ya know? My body is not used to this!!!
Sorry I complain so much. Just try to see where I'm coming from!!! All of this IN 3-4 YEARS!!!! It's VERY SUDDEN and a LOT to handle!!!
To top it off Tyler lost his job, I can't make hardly a penny to help out, we lost our car, we almost got evicted, we've been sued............ okay I can go on but you all have heard all that before. It's just been a lot!
I know those who haven't been through what we're going through can judge and say we brought it on ourselves or that we're doing something wrong.
NOT. Sorry to let you down, but it's nothing stupid we've done. I promise.
I prayed about all of these things we've been going through and Heavenly Father told me as plain as day that Tyler and I are BOTH REQUIRED to go through it. There's NO OTHER WAY. So that helps me to know that.

Okay, so all of this has been giving both Tyler and I major chest pains and headaches and migraines.
Tyler's chest pains were bad when he was in his EMT class so the paramedics said, "no screwing around where chest pain is" and sent him via ambulance to the Emergency Room!
So I get this phone call from a fairly calm Tyler saying they think he might be having a heart attack or something else and to come to him. He wanted me there. He didn't say to call anyone else. All I could think of was MY ETERNAL COMPANION WAS IN THE ER POSSIBLY DYING!!!!!!!! I'm NOT going to be thinking of anyone else except maybe mine and his parents.
Really sucky thing was his parents were in Idaho celebrating Joe's (Tyler's little brother) graduation from PA school. Which was totally narly!!!! But they couldn't be here!!
Anyway, I had NO way of getting to Tyler so I called my dad first to tell him and ask for a ride. Dad said to call Daniel cuz he was here in town near me so I called Daniel to get a ride. Then I called Tyler's dad. While Tyler and my dad were talking to me I was already on Facebook and so I felt impressed to write my status letting my friends and family know that way. There was NO WAY I was going to call his siblings or mine or our friends about this cuz I'm Tyler's number 1 and he's my number 1 and my first priority was to get myself to my husband's side. Well, I knew that our dads would let our siblings know, cuz that's just how that works out right?
Anyway, it took FOREVER for my bro to get to me!!!! I waited 45 minutes. I was such a wreck!!!!! I finally got to my husband's side and when he saw me he just teared up and I held him and we cried.
It was so scary and really shook us both up so much!!!!!
I was so glad that my parents and sister and two of tyler's siblings could get there to be with him while he waited for me.
Anyway, that was so taxing on me.
I mean I could've lost my husband of almost 7 years and my Eternal Companion and father of my children and my best friend!!!!!!! I was so upset!!!
Okay, so that happened.
Then just like two or three days later a very inconsiderate and VERY MISINFORMED AND GOSSIPED TO person told me basically that it was my fault that Tyler had those chest pains and told me to make sure it would never happen again.
OH MY GOSH I ABOUT DIED!!!!!!! I was SO SHOCKED and hurt and taken aback and disgusted. Wow. HOW COULD SOMEBODY SAY THAT TO SOMEONE??????????
I can only assume this person was greatly misinformed about how things run at my house AND it was NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!
They wouldn't even tell me what they were talking about... no details, no explanation, nothing. I'm still left guessing what they were getting at. I'm still bothered by it, and I shouldn't be! I should just forget it and let it go!!!
Well, with that weighing me down then having problems with me sharing about MY husband to my own family and friends (a couple people didn't like me talking about MY husband and publicly humiliated me) and then my husband being pressured by people....... WOW. It was way too much.
I hit my breaking point.
I really did.
Tyler is doing okay now. He still has some chest pain but it's not heart attack. He's undiagnosed for now. When we get insurance BOTH Tyler and I will be seeing my dad's cardiologist who is just EXCELLENT. Gary Symkoviak I think in SLC. Anyway, it's really expensive, but I've been told by my reg doc and other docs I see to get my heart checked ASAP. I just haven't because it costs so much!!! So we'll just have to wait.
Anyway, all of this was just too much. TOO MUCH!!!!
I haven't had a break or vacation in such a very long time. There hasn't been a break of breathing room or good news in such a long time for us that it's just been too much. Then on top of that I have all these people from a specific group that really despise me and blame me for everything and have no compassion, empathy, understanding, love, charity or anything for me and they just constantly go up and down with me and when it's down they really beat me!!!! It's more than anyone can take.
I'D HAD IT.
I hurried upstairs on Monday afternoon to cry where Tyler and the girls wouldn't hear me. But I'd also started having an asthma attack. I'm not sure if it was from allergies or from the stress/anxiety, but I have a feeling it was the latter.
The asthma made it very difficult to breath and so I hid my face in my bed to sob. I couldn't help it. I was more upset than I realized and I sobbed very hard and loudly so I tried to keep myself quiet. I don't cry very often. I feel pathetic when I do.
So while I was sobbing and trying to breath I kept coughing and coughing anc crying harder and harder. I got more and more upset. I'm sure the adversary was playing with me. Using others as tools to pull me down and using my own insecurities to make it all worse.
I started to hyperventilate. I couldn't stop!! It got worse and worse. I remember thinking "i can't breath! I can't get air in!" and I couldn't stop!! I tried but could not. I kept coughing and sobbing and gasping for air and felt trapped. I couldn't even move. I was seeing stars and black around my eyes and soooo weak and cold. I remember Sophie coming in and saying, as if I'd called for her, "What mommy?" I know that Heavenly Father sent her in to me to save me. She went and got daddy cuz suddenly Tyler had put me on my side. He was talking to me but I don't know what he was saying. I remember he asked me if I wanted him to call the paramedics and I shook my head NO! I did NOT want that attention or embarrassment!!! Esp after Tyler had already been hauled in the ambulance just a few days before!!
I remember Tyler helping me stand and walk. I couldn't hardly even move my own feet! It was so weird and hard! I felt weak, heavy, uncoordinated, and confused. He managed to get me to the ER and I guess a neighbor lady took the girls.
At the ER I remember a lady saying my name and looking me right in my face and forcing my eyes open. There was a mask on my face and it made it harder to breath and it was so hard! I couldn't even move my hands to take the mask off! I wanted it OFF my face! I was so cold and I remember the room was really bright. Then she was telling me to hold my breath. It was so hard!!! I would try but would cough instead. But I guess it did help. After what seemed like an Eternity my gasps of air weren't so strong and hard and I was soooooooooo tired!!!! I felt like I'd just run a marathon! And YES I know what it's like to run a very long distance, people. Remember I used to be in top notch shape and used to run very fast in very long distances.
Then I think I fell asleep. Then I remember seeing Tyler and I was okay. I could suddenly breath. I was just soo exhausted. Then the pain came.
It started in my neck, head and back. And then my legs, arms, then finally my chest then my lungs. WOW it hurt!! I was so sore I felt like I'd been beat up. I also realize at that time that I was soaking wet with sweat!! Yuck!
All I could do was apologize to Tyler over and over again. I felt like such a fool.
Tyler later told me that at home my respirations were at 84 a minute which is like what a newborn breaths. And my pulse was at 104. My heart was super racing. I couldn't even feel my heart during all of this so that surprised me.
Just try to breath in and out as fast as you possibly can and hard and that's what it was like. Then do that for AN HOUR STRAIGHT.
My blood pressure was 143/84 or something like that. VERY HIGH for me. I'm normally 115/72 or less. Over time these dropped, of course.
If I hadn't gotten control with the mask and trying to control it myself they would've intubated me and knocked me out to save my life.
Tyler said I was hanging by a thread pretty much. It was very serious.

So yeah, there you go. I had an adventure.
That let me know that I've reached my limit. Or hopefully I have or hopefully I haven't. I know that the Lord doesn't put us through more than we can handle, so I am just praying that things will start to work out for us now.

Now, one bit of possible really good news that we just got tonight!!
Tyler got a letter back from the University of Utah Cardiology Department saying that his resume and application have been submitted to the hiring department!!!!!!!!!!!!! So he is so close to getting the job!!!!! Of course they let him know that this can take weeks, but that's okay because our contract is up Oct 1 and if it all works out just right we could move up to SLC at that time if Tyler gets this job. WOW it would be sooooo wonderful!
This job is an on-call job but full time. Pretty narly, eh? He'd be an EKG Technician. (heart monitoring stuff).

You know what? I'm really soooo proud of my Tyler!!! I KNEW he had it in him!! And you know what also? If I'd gone to work full time and gone to school I don't know if he would've realized his strength and potential. We BOTH followed the spirit when it came to making these decisions. You know that in each family and marriage that choices they make are between the two and with God, not anybody else, and these are the decisions we made based on following the Spirit. It's been hard, but it's been worth it so far.
I am proud of both of us for remaining faithful in the Gospel of Jesus Christ throughout all of this. Our faith has been greatly tried and we've been tempted and toyed with and ridiculed, rejected, backstabbed, hurt, attacked, and so on and so forth enough that I think it could've caused anybody to lose their faith and fall away. But our testimonies remain firm, we continue in faith, and that brings peace and happiness into our home. That brings strength to ride these currents that we could not have gained in any other way. I know this with all my heart!!

So there's our latest update as of now.
If any of you don't like what I write, too bad, cuz this is about MY PERSONAL EMMEDIATE FAMILY! lol
And I feel impressed to share our story, as personal as some of you may find it, I'm going to continue to follow impressions I receive, even if it includes posting updates on Facebook and Twitter, etc. lol

Anyway, I am so grateful for marrying Tyler. He's grown by leaps and bounds and has turned into such a strong and good man!!! He truly is my "knight in shining armour"!!! I try my best at supporting him in everything as he does for me. I let him pretty much do whatever he wants because I know he'll always make the righteous and smart choice. He's such a good man and has come through so much. I am so grateful for the Gospel and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. The people are NOT PERFECT!!!!! But the church is, period. I know that the commandments and "rules" God gives us is for our good and if we follow them faithfully we'll be happy and feel fulfilled and satisfied. If we keep our faith and endure we are blessed and Christ literally helps carry our burdons so that they don't feel as heavy as they really are. I know that Christ is living and that he loves me and that he KNOWS my heart and what I'm going through. I know he's here for me. And I love how I was brought up in the truthfulness and shown the correct way to go. I am so happy for such righteous parents that follow the commandments and have NEVER fallen away. They are so amazing to me in that way. And I know we all owe it to their parents for raising them so well, and so on and so forth. I hope to do the same for my dear daughters that God has entrusted us with to teach the truth and show the way to.
Anyway, I know these things in my heart. And I know anybody can if they want to and if they seek for it.
Good night y'all. Have a good one, and if you feel so inclined, pray that Tyler gets this EKG Tech job at the U of U. It'd be such a relief!!!!!!!

To Keep You Up (cuz I KNOW you're dying of curiosity) lol

Well, so, I'll give an update although I've been putting it off for a while waiting to put on here any GOOD news for a change.
Not much good has happened, quite honestly, but I'll try to note the positive things first, k? :)
Tyler's doing excellent in school. I'm so proud of him! He truly has found his niche. It's great. All the years of hard work and major struggling is paying off in his good grades. It's REALLY lifted his self esteem and confidence. My smart Tyler is really blooming and I ALWAYS knew it was in him! Sure some thought I was too hard on him, but I KNEW he was there. He just hesitated too much, doubted himself, etc. But now he has no need to doubt himself. He just is awesome. :)

I'm proud of myself for keeping my kitchen CLEAN! Yay! A clean kitchen makes me feel so happy. Oh, and I'm also now officially hired by my sweet sister-in-law Alicia to clean her house for her. She's pregnant and soooooo sick the poor girl!! She's quite the trooper and almost never complains but is just more sick than I think I could ever handle! I wish my bro would get his bum in gear and help her out more. I'm a little disappointed in his unhelpful attitude. I want to pay him a piece of my mind LOL. Perhaps he's suffering from depression. That I can understand.

I also got a part-time job!!! YAY!!!!!!! I guess that's really good news, eh?
I get 8 an hour with max 15 hours I can work a week. So far I've only been able to squeeze in 6 hours a week. I know that sounds pathetic, but it's hard to work when the girls are all around me and Tyler has to study for school and the house needs cleaning or the yard needs watering or I'm having a bad period (which is the case right now HAHAHA).
I am technically called the Marketing Director. It's for Women in Business Magazine. It's an excellent magazine and I need to sell advertisement spaces in it!! ANYBODY, PLEASE, ADVERTISE WITH THEM!! I get commission off of it and that's our only hope of help right now financially. Anyway, the prices are very reasonable and I can make almost any deals I want or discounts. It goes to 10,000 people in Utah County and it's a free magazine. It's mailed to them. So it's like one of the most effective ways to advertise. It's a great magazine. Even my mom likes it :). www.WBMagazine.org
Okay, so that's what I'm doing right now.
I just need to get out and go solicit business in the area and what-not. Anybody have businesses they know of that could be interested? You can just pass along the info and I won't tell them who sent it if you don't want me to.

Sophie's been sick the last couple of days. Fever, throwing up, being tired, all that. She just woke up now and it's 4am. UGH!! Tyler and I are both up. He was doing homework and I was catching up with things online.

I'm going to go see a Uro-Gyn. That's a specialist that's in Urology & Gynocology. I'm sooooo not happy to see a man AT ALL. I'm so against men doctors doing women things. It just really grosses me out and freaks me out so bad!!! I've had bad experiences with two docs so I have ligit reasons to be freaked out of them. I think they're all perverts. Period. You can't convince me otherwise so don't even try.
Okay, anyway, I'm going to see this guy cuz my midwives don't know what to do for me or my reg doc (who I can't see anymore anyway cuz I can't pay the man). I have been having MAJOR pain when I go potty. Like BAD pain. Like it feels like my insides are ripping out when I go. Perhaps it's just a really bad pulled muscle, but whatever it is it HURTS. I've been tested a couple of times and one time there was blood but no infection and another time infection and another time just minerals. Okay, I was tested 3 times lol. I can't count at 4 in the morning! :)
Anyway, then another thing that's kinda bothering me. Perhaps it's my diet, or my endometriosis is causing all of these problems, which is very likely, but I go from diarreah to constipation. And it's BAD. Like I cannot go at all and I sit there. And the stomach pain is sooo awful. SO bad. I feel soooo sick. The pain is a mixture between feeling like I have the stomach flu with diarreah pain to gas to cramps and to some other feeling I haven't felt before. So I have no idea what's going on.
I've been putting off telling anyone these problems just cuz I always have so many. And it's so tiring to hear about, I know.
I know a lot of people don't even care and are really calloused and like to think that they'd handle these problems better than I do so I just don't like talking about it sometimes cuz I don't want heartless, cold people around me to make fun of me (which I've been told happens when I write blogs). I want loving, supportive people.
But most importantly, I want ANSWERS and SOLUTIONS!!!
I'm really really really really tired of getting fatter and fatter and FATTER all the time!! And not just fatter, but everything else. My thyroid is screwing up again. It's going more and more hypo, AGAIN, and I'm getting harrier and harrier and losing all the hair on my head. I'm SOOOOOOO UGLY!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously!!

OH GREAT. Lacie just threw up right now!!!! oh man. WE DON'T EVER EVER GET A BREAK!!!!! It's over and over and over again. one thing after another.

you know I was praying about this CRAP that we go through and you know the answer I got? WE ARE REQUIRED TO GO THROUGH IT. Just like when you're required to take a final to get your final grade, or required to pay your taxes, or required to put gas in your car in order to drive it. Something like that. WE HAVE to go through this. So we just have to endure.
But Heavenly Father did not say we have to do it alone.
That's why we have family, and friends. And thanks to Heavenly Father we have some good family and LOTS of really good friends. :)
You can't pick the fam but you can pick your friends and sometimes you can pick some family to be your friends! hee hee. And we have. (we love you guys so much!).

So anyway, I didn't have a period for two months and was in LOTS of pain. I finally started my monthly joy last weekend (Friday I think) and it's still going strong. Like I'm talking having to change every single hour. It's AWFUL. Tyler wants me to go to the ER tomorrow cuz it's so bad. And it's not letting up. It's getting worse.
SOMEONE PLEASE FIX ME!!!!

*sigh*
I just feel like sobbing right now. I'm sooooo tired. Tired of everything.

One more thing. A nosey neighbor called the police on me.
Why?
Because they assumed I lock my girls outside and won't let them back into the house!!!!! Isn't that AWFUL???
I was sitting on my lawn chair when two cop cars pulled up and said a neighbor called and said I NEVER watch my kids and I ALWAYS lock them out and they'll be banging on the door crying to come in and I won't let them. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT??? I was SHOCKED. Either Tyler or I are ALWAYS out there with them!!!!
I was more than pissed. I was FURIOUS. So mad that I went to two separate neighbors to ask if they called. Of course both said no.
But Tyler's 100% sure it was the ones across the street. Nosey people that they are. I am soooo mad about this and so is Tyler so we're not letting our girls play with that kid of theirs anymore unless we can see everything that's going on. This mother across the street told Lacie that I should be watching her and not Tyler.
I mean I had to give Sophie a bath cuz she peed her panties and that was FIVE MINUTES and Lacie went back outside and she called the cops. OH MY GOSH.
I HATE this place. :(
The cops were embarrassed to have been called out. They said it was a waste of their time but the have to when someone calls, esp about children. They saw me sitting out there watching my girls and were like, "uh, you obviously are watching your kids". DUH you think? lol

Okay, there's the latest update.

I hope I figure out what the heck is wrong with me before I get too heavy that I'll need bipass surgery and have heart disease and not be able to have any more kids and have a body of a 50 or 60 yr old instead of the 30 yr old. Cuz frankly what I'm going through shouldn't be happening to someone as young as I am.

Oh, it's my birthday next week. I'm going to be so old lol. At least I FEEL super old. (read above for why that is).
I want something pleasant and nice and sweet to surprise me on my birthday. Anything to cheer me up!!! :(

Peace & Happiness

You know, even though there's a LOT going on in our lives and we've been through a LOT since we've been married, and especially in the last 3-4 years, we still feel peace and happiness of a special type.

No matter what happens and the crap we go through and the crap that is said about us and to us and how we're treated by those who should be called "loved ones" and no matter how much we're judged and how hard we work to be put down again and again we can always know that we're doing our best and that we don't give up.

We've been hearing more and more of members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, ones that have been to the Temples and been sealed for Time & Eternity, dropping away, losing their faith, and even some of them becoming agnostic or even Atheist.

How have we not done this ourselves?

Well, it's really simple, and because of how simple it is it's hard for people to really believe it and to know how to grasp and understand it.

Tyler and I may have a lot of gospel knowledge and yada yada, but the bottom line is this: keeping the commandments of God and keeping our covenants we've made with God from our baptisms and going through the Temple and then getting sealed.

The LITTLE things matter the MOST.

Reading the scriptures, praying daily, going to church, paying tithing, going to the temple, having Family Home Evening, etc. It does not require much at all to do these things. Oh, and a BIGGIE. Keeping the Word of Wisdom.

The Word of Wisdom is exactly that. A WORD OF WISDOM. It comes from God.
Those who choose to smoke and drink are literally clogging their spiritual pores. Oh sure laugh it up if you want to, or better yet, get offended LOL. But it's true. Just plain and simply that, it's true.
Doing things that are contrary to what God has asked us to do is damaging and damning in every sense of those words.

Tyler and I have been very, very careful to never break the Word of Wisdom, to always pay a full tithe, and keep up with our reading and praying and these things alone have kept our testimonies firm.

There have been countless chances we've had to leave the church or start to look into another religion or just quit, but how can one do that when they're sure about what they're doing is right and that the Spirit is with them, building them up, strengthening them, guiding them, supporting them, loving them, comforting them, and blessing them with miracles every day?

How could Tyler and I turn our backs on our ETERNAL FAMILY and our testimonies when God has given us so much and done so much for us?

If anybody needs a sign of proof about God's love and existence it's not in material blessings, it's not in healthy bodies, it's not in fame and fortune or recognition or a calm and event-less life. It's not a constant SUREITY of God's existence or of miracles or angels or truth or anything like that. It's not getting what you want or what you think you deserve or what you think would be best for you or your family. It's not even saving a loved one from death.
It's the fact that he let his Son suffer, bleed and die. It's the fact that he allowed his earthly children to torture, ridicule, reject, beat and then ultimately kill His Only Begotten Son. He allowed this because it was THE ONLY WAY that we could receive Salvation and hopefully Eternal Life if we so choose it. JESUS CHRIST IS THE SIGN. He is the proof.

No matter what happens to Tyler and I, or anybody else we know, Tyler and I always have this great PEACE and HAPPINESS that we feel on a daily basis, if even for a moment, that we have an Eternal Family. That we will be together forever, perfect, immortal, glorious, and with our family and friends who so choose to follow the same path. We know that there is a greater reward waiting for us after this life and it's worth all the hell and torment we could possibly endure in this life to attain all that God has promised us.

I know for a certainty that's indescribable that Jesus Christ lives and that he died for every one of us and lives now. I know with a strong hope and faith that my family, Tyler, Lacie, Sophie and I, will all be together forever and ever, never to die again, never to suffer again. I know that no matter what people say or do all around us, and while friends and family and people we don't know very well fall away and deny the faith and lose their faith and go off on their own ways and who snub us for our faith, that we are doing what is right and we are doing our best and we are choosing to keep the faith and we are choosing to do what's right and work as hard as we can to keep this.

Nothing is worth losing your family after death.
NOTHING.

And please don't try to comfort yourself into thinking that EVERYONE will be with their families forever, because they will not if they choose not to do what's necessary to receive this gift. Sure, we'll all live again one day, but there's a difference between being SEALED to your family and just living again. Tyler and I know this, and we're staying away from the things that could tear our Eternal Family apart, including not breaking the Word of Wisdom and all that other stuff I already mentioned.

This is my testimony and I just felt to share it.
In Jesus' Name.

GOOD NEWS!!!

So today I took Lacie to get her 9 stitches out of her head and her Dermatologist said that her results had come and it was only an ulcer!!! I was pleasantly surprised and I was SO HAPPY I cried when we left!
Then as we were leaving I got a text message from my little brother, Glenn, that his wife had had their baby early this morning!! She was in labor for TWO HOURS and pushed him out in 15 minutes!! He weighed 7.6 lbs and 18.5 inches long. He has a little mullet lol. And he looks just like his mother, Andrea!! Except his top lip looks like Glenn's haha. They named him Brayden Taylor Pearson. We were so excited to go see him today!

Last night I only had 2 hours of sleep because a lot was on my mind. New problems that arose unexpectedly this week that I cannot mention caused great stress in our family, plus the anxiety of waiting to hear about Lacie's pre-cancerous mole (which, he said, we still have to keep our eyes on just in case) and just thinking about our dire situation.
I laid in bed finally at 3:00am or a little after and said a little prayer. Very calmly and without great emotion but with sincerity and faith and asked Heavenly Father what we need to do to help us. He told me two things just as plain as day and then told me to get up and go downstairs and write down the revelation I was receiving. So I did just that. Since it's personal for my family I won't mention it here, but now Tyler and I are going to follow what I was told as clear and plainly as if God were standing there talking to me face-to-face and put it to the test because Heavenly Father promised me that if we do these 2 things that he will bless us and take care of us.
What I do know without any doubt whatsoever was that I was truly inspired by God and that he spoke with me and gave me very specific things to do and very specific promises if we follow what he asked us to do.
He also told me that Satan has been working very hard on our marriage to make us divorce because if we do then Tyler will not be able to fulfill his mission in this life nor will I, so now we're ready or being prepared for our missions. That's all I can say about that.

This morning I woke up early and couldn't go back to sleep again. I got up and checked my email and had received a message from the church saying EXACTLY one of the impressions I'd received so clearly. It was the oddest thing ever! The email was sent at 7:00am and I read it at 7:15am, hours after the revelation I'd received at 3:15am. I knew it was from God.
Go read D&C 88:119 for a very good clue as to what part of the revelation to me was about.

So anyway, there we are. I'm thinking more positive. I figure whatever happens to us isn't by accident and isn't because God doesn't care, but because he loves us and it is NECESSARY for us to go through all these trials. We HAVE to go through them. I don't know why, I just KNOW this for certain. So that gives me peace knowing that none of this is punishment but necessary for our growth and experience.

I also was told that as soon as we get everything in line for the positive changes we are to make or that the changes are completely made that I'll get pregnant again.

But I know that God will take care of us. He always does, if we do what he asks us to do.